FADE IN:

               INT. HOUSE -- LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

               A party is winding down. Only a FEW GUESTS remain. They all
               are gathered around the piano. A YOUNG PRIEST, FATHER
               HARRIS, plays an old standard. Everyone sings along. A WOMAN
               in the group, mid-40's, conservative, really getting into
               the song, starts giving a soulful rendition, dropping to her
               knees ala James Brown. The song ends. Everyone cheers.
               Father Harris starts another.

                                     HARRIS
                         Who knows this one?...
                              (singing)
                         "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?!"

               They all join in.

               A YOUNG GIRL, MEGAN, enters the room. She watches the group.

               The group notices Megan and slowly stops singing.

               CLOSE ON:

               Megan. Her eyes seem vacant, almost like she is sleep
               walking. She mutters something.

                                     MEGAN
                         You're going to die.

               The group looks confused.

               The young girl pees on the floor.

               CLOSE ON:

               A WOMAN in the group, mid-40's. She is the girl's MOTHER.

               The mother apologizes to her guests.

                                     MOTHER
                         I'm sorry. She's been really sick.

               CLOSE ON:

               Megan. THWACK!! She is smacked on the head by a rolled
               newspaper.

               REVEAL:

               Mom holding the newspaper. She shoves Megan's head into the
               pee and rubs her nose in it as she continues to whack her
               with the newspaper.

                                     MOTHER  (CONT'D)
                         No! Bad girl! Bad girl!

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. HELL HOUSE -- NIGHT

               The street is covered in thick fog. The only light is by a
               street lamp.

               A taxi pulls into the frame. It reads "YELLOW CAB."

               A TALL, DARK FIGURE gets out of the taxi.

                                     CAB DRIVER (V.O.) (V.O.)
                         Hey you, pay your fare.

               The figure takes off, running into the fog.

                                     CAB DRIVER  (CONT'D)
                         God damn priests always pull this
                         shit.

               Cab drives off.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. FOYER -- CONTINUOUS

               A doorbell RINGS. It plays the THEME to "THE EXORCIST."

               CLOSE ON:

               The mother answers the door.

               The dark figure lifts his head up, revealing that it's
               Father McFeely.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         Uh... I'm Father McFeely

                                     MOTHER
                         Father, come in, please.

               Father McFeely enters. The mother closes the door behind
               him.

                                     MOTHER  (CONT'D)
                         I'm so glad you're here.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         I came as fast as I could, but at
                         my age the little soldier needs a
                         lot more thumpin before it starts
                         pumpin. If I tickle my ass before...

                                     MOTHER
                         It's okay. I understand.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         How is she?

                                     MOTHER
                              (sadly)
                         She's gotten worse, Father. She
                         won't eat, she won't talk. The child
                         won't even let me touch her.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                              (reflecting)
                         Yes... Sometimes you have to give
                         them candy.

               The mother gives Father McFeely an odd look.

               They are interrupted by Father Harris. He extends his hand
               to McFeely.

                                     HARRIS
                         Father.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         Not unless you have a paternity
                         test to prove it.

               Harris looks confused.

                                     HARRIS
                         No, I was sent by the church to
                         assist you. My name is Father Harris.

               They shake hands.

                                     HARRIS  (CONT'D)
                         Would you like to see the girl?

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         Soon. First, I must bless this
                         house.

               McFeely walks to a room and opens the door.

               INT. ROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               Small bare walls. A window in the center wall.

               McFeely closes the door. He sits and opens a bible and
               begins to read.

               CLOSE ON:

               The window. Flies begin to appear.

               CLOSE ON:

               McFeely. He wipes sweat from his brow.

               BACK TO THE WINDOW:

               More flies. Their BUZZING is loud.

               McFeely, now sweating, profusely. He begins to cough.

               The window is now covered with flies. The BUZZING is
               deafening.

               McFeely, coughing and gagging.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         Lord, please help me to release
                         this demon.

               PULL BACK TO REVEAL:

               He's on the toilet. He lets out a loud fart followed by
               plopping noises.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY (CONT'D)
                         Thank you, Father.

               A DEMONIC VOICE is heard.

                                     DEMONIC VOICE (O.S.) (O.S.)
                         Get out!!! You fuckin' pig!!!

               The room door swings open.

               McFeely tries to flush the toilet. It bubbles over with
               black goo ala "THE AMITYVILLE HORROR." He hustles out of the
               bathroom.

               INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE BATHROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               McFeely staggers out. Father Harris rushes over.

                                     HARRIS
                         Father, are you okay?

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         Yeah, but you might wanna light a
                         match before you go in there.
                              (then)
                         Did you bring my bag?

                                     HARRIS
                         Yes.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         Then let us prepare.

               Both priests walk up the stairs.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. MEGAN'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT

               McFeely and Harris enter.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         Remember, don't ask her too many
                         questions.

                                     HARRIS
                         Because she will lie?

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         No, because her breath smells like
                         a horse's ass.

               Megan lays tied to the bed post of her bed. Her face is cut
               up and twisted, eyes an eerie red. She's hooked up to an
               I.V. with a small tube running out of her nose. It's shaped
               like a CRAZY STRAW with red fluid going through it. The
               straw leads to a cup. "SLURPIE!" Megan is wheezing, heavily.
               She wears a tee-shirt that reads, "I went to Hell and all I
               got was this stupid t-shirt."

               They go to opposite sides of the room. Megan stares
               straight ahead.

               Father McFeely sees that next to Megan's bed are some
               get-well cards, flowers, balloons, and a teddy bear. He
               picks up one get-well card: It features a cheesy, happy
               cartoon dog saying: "Heard You Were Possessed By The
               Devil"... He flips the card open and reads the punch line:
               "He Picked One Hell Of A Nice Girl!"

               McFeely, shivering, his breath visible, takes the metal
               cross from his pocket and kisses it. But it's so cold in the
               room that his lips instantly stick to the metal.

               He struggles to pull his lips off the cross and finally
               manages to painfully tear it off his face.

               McFeely makes the sign of the cross to Megan.

                                     MEGAN
                         Shove it up your ass. You worthless
                         piece of shit!

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         Silence!!

               FATHER MCFEELY TOSSES A MINT IN HER MOUTH.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY  (CONT'D)
                         Look, my child. We've come to help
                         you.

               Harris looks at Megan. He sits down on a chair besides the
               window.

                                     MEGAN/DEMON
                         Your mother's in here with us,
                         Harris. Would you like to leave a
                         message? I'll see that she gets it.

                                     HARRIS
                         If that's true, then you must know
                         my mother's name. What is it?

               Megan keeps a sharp stare on Harris. Harris' smile turns to
               an angry stare. He rises and moves to her bedside.

                                     HARRIS  (CONT'D)
                         What is it?

               Megan leans forward. BLANCHHHH!!! She vomits a disgusting
               green bile in Harris' face. Harris wipes it off, coughing.

                                     HARRIS  (CONT'D)
                         That's right. Blanche was my
                         mother's name. You are the devil.

               Harris tosses holy water on Megan. She falls back, writhing.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         It burns! It burns!

               CLOSE ON:

               McFeely, holding his crotch.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY  (CONT'D)
                         Damn Tijuana hooker.

               Harris and McFeely begin to pray.

                                     MCFEELY/HARRIS
                         Our Father who art in Heaven...

                                     MEGAN
                         Your mother sucks cock in Hell,
                         Harris.

               Harris tries to ignore her.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         Oh shit, you gonna take that?

                                     HARRIS
                         What?

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         What she said about your mother?

               Harris fires back at Megan.

                                     HARRIS
                         Oh, yeah, well your mama got one
                         leg and does jumping jacks like this.

               He puts his feet together and jumps them from side to side
               as he claps his hands over his head.

                                     MEGAN
                         So, your mama's so fat when she
                         walks by my bed, it does this.

               Her bed bounces and bucks off the floor.

                                     HARRIS
                         What about your mama? Her butt is
                         so big, she wipes her ass like this.

               He makes an exaggerated movement of putting his hand behind
               his head then brings it up high and back down over his face.

               The exchange continues with the possessed girl getting the
               best of Harris.

                                     HARRIS  (CONT'D)
                         Enough! Begone from this child of
                         God. I command you by the power of
                         the living and the dead...

               Megan groaning, flicking her tongue wildly at McFeely.

                                     HARRIS  (CONT'D)
                         ... to leave the young servant so
                         that she may return to her...

               McFeely responds back with the same gesture, then simulates
               her giving head, then starts wildly thrusting his pelvis,
               simulating sex. Megan falls back on her pillow and moans.

               Harris shoots McFeely a hard look.

               McFeely stops. Harris continues.

                                     HARRIS  (CONT'D)
                         In the name of the Father, the Son,
                         and the Holy Spirit, I cast you out.

               McFeely, coughing, hardly able to catch his breath.

               Megan on the bed, laughing. Smoke billowing out of her
               mouth.

               Harris rushes to McFeely.

                                     HARRIS (CONT'D)
                         Father, are you alright?

               McFeely nods yes, revealing he's smoking a joint.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         This is some good shit.

               He offers a hit to Harris.

                                     HARRIS
                         No thanks.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         My holy water.

               Harris gives him the bottle.

               McFeely takes a swig.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY  (CONT'D)
                         Ahhh, that's better.

               McFeely splashes some on Harris, playfully.

               He clears his throat and starts again, taking turns
               splashing the booze on her and taking sips from it.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY  (CONT'D)
                         The power of Christ compels you!

               He splashes her again, then takes a sip.

               She roars. Lights flicker. The scary, pale "DEATH HEAD"
               flashes over her again. But this time, it's picking its
               nose. The "DEATH HEAD" realizes it's seen and quickly pulls
               its finger from its nose, trying to look all scary again.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY  (CONT'D)
                         The power of Christ compels you!

               He splashes more booze on her and takes a sip. By this
               time, Father McFeely is getting drunk.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY  (CONT'D)
                              (slurring)
                         The power of Chrishht compelshh
                         yooo.

               He's stumbling around, splashing the walls.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY  (CONT'D)
                              (slurring)
                         Power of compelshh Chrishhts you,
                         or something...

               Suddenly, the girl's straps break and she starts floating
               up.

               Harris watches in awe. A MAGICIAN'S ASSISTANT passes a hoop
               over her.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY  (CONT'D)
                         David Blaine, kiss my ass.

               The girl continues to float up into spinning blades out of
               the ceiling fan. WHACK! The blades slam into her head,
               sending her flying back down on to the bed.

                                     HARRIS
                         Father, I think you should rest.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         No, I'm fine.

               He staggers over to the bed, kneels and starts to pray.

               Harris exits the room to retrieve his medical bag. He
               returns to find McFeely lying unconscious on the bed. Megan,
               sitting, quiet looks at McFeely.

               Harris rushes over to McFeely.

                                     HARRIS
                         Father!

               Harris grabs McFeely and throws him down to the ground.

               McFeely's eyes open.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         I must have dozed off.

               Harris, caught up in the moment, is oblivious that McFeely
               is okay. He starts pounding violently on his chest.

                                     HARRIS
                         No!!!

               Harris knee-drops McFeely. His efforts to revive McFeely
               resemble a WWF grudge match. Harris diving off of furniture,
               slamming down on McFeely. Finally, he checks his pulse. He
               thinks McFeely is dead. Harris shouts out at Megan.

                                     HARRIS  (CONT'D)
                         Look what you've done!

               Megan sits, quietly.

               Harris dives on top of Megan and starts choking her.

                                     HARRIS  (CONT'D)
                         Take me! Take me!

               NEW ANGLE:

               McFeely sits up, still drunk and disoriented. He notices
               Harris on the bed.

               MCFEELY'S POV:

               He sees Father Harris on his hands and knees. His robe is
               hiked above his waist exposing his naked ass.

                                     HARRIS  (CONT'D)
                         Take me! God damn you, take me!

               McFeely, now on his feet, smiles as he moves toward Harris.

               CLOSE ON:

               Harris' face.

               It turns to shock and horror. He looks possessed as we hear
               the sound of penetration.

                                     HARRIS  (CONT'D)
                         Nooooo!!!!!

               Harris dives out the window.

               McFeely watches as Harris tumbles down the long staircase.

               Megan begins to giggle.

                                     MEGAN
                         You failed, McFeely. Your weapons
                         are useless against me.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         You're mistaken my child. The Lord
                         has greater weapons than me.

               McFeely picks up his bible.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY  (CONT'D)
                         Hear the word of the Lord and be
                         humbled!

               McFeely lifts up a crucifix.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY  (CONT'D)
                         See the cross of the Lord and
                         tremble! If ye still not have faith,
                         then...

               McFeely reaches into his jacket and pulls out a .44 magnum.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY  (CONT'D)
                         ... suck on this!!!

               Megan's eyes widen.

               BLAM!!!

               THE SCREEN GOES BLACK.

                                                              SMASH CUT TO:

               TITLE CARD

               "SCARY MOVIE II"

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS -- DAY -- ESTABLISHING SHOT

               The campus is alive as STUDENTS make their way to class.

               CLOSE ON:

               A souped-up muscle car driving through the parking lot.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CAR -- CONTINUOUS

               The driver, DWIGHT, a nerdy man between 25-30, glasses,
               thinning hair line. He drives recklessly, shouting at the
               people in his path as he honks his horn.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Come on. Move it.

               A GUY ON CRUTCHES walks in front of the car.

                                     DWIGHT  (CONT'D)
                         Come on, peg legs. I aint got all
                         day.

               Dwight whizzes past, causing the man to fall.

               Dwight notices a girl in a short skirt.

                                     DWIGHT  (CONT'D)
                         Hey, sweetie, ever heard of a gym?
                         I've seen pool sticks bigger than
                         those thighs.

               Dwight continues. He finds a parking space, whizzing before
               another car that has been waiting to take the space.

               Dwight yells at the irate motorist.

                                     DWIGHT  (CONT'D)
                         Sorry, but the fastest feet win.

               Dwight shuts off the engine, and opens the door before he
               exits. We see a wheelchair unfold. Dwight hops in. He is
               paralyzed from the waist down. His legs dangle, lifeless. On
               his feet, a new pair of Air Jordan sneakers.

               Dwight wheels around to his trunk. He pops it open and
               removes his briefcase and a Razor scooter. He places his
               feet on the scooter and rolls the wheelchair with his hands.
               Off he goes.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. CAMPUS -- LATER

               In the middle of the campus quad, there is a distinguished
               statue of Thomas Jefferson.

               PAN DOWN TO REVEAL:

               A black woman slave and a bunch of nappy-headed black kids.

               A plaque reads: "Once you go black, you never go back"...

               Sitting on the base of the statue are CINDY and SHORTY.

                                     CINDY
                         So, do you think you made it into
                         the class?

                                     SHORTY
                         I don't know, but I sure hope so.

                                     CINDY
                         You could use the grade, huh?

                                     SHORTY
                         Nah, I need a place to stay. So how
                         do you like being in college?

                                     CINDY
                         Okay, I guess. It's so
                         intimidating. You know being away
                         from home, not knowing anyone. I
                         feel like such a geek sometimes.
                         Everyone's so cool and I'm so not.

                                     SHORTY
                         Aww, you aint that bad. You just
                         need a little flava. First thing we
                         gotta do is get you some new gear.

                                     CINDY
                         Huh?

                                     SHORTY
                         Gear. You know, clothing.

                                     CINDY
                         Oh.

                                     SHORTY
                         Let's start with some rhythm. Sway
                         back and forth like this.

               Shorty demonstrates. Cindy begins to mimic, clumsily.

                                     SHORTY  (CONT'D)
                         Yeah, something like that.
                              (then)
                         Now, go left, right, left, right,
                         crossover kick...

               Shorty demonstrates. Cindy follows.

                                     CINDY
                         Left, right, left, right, crossover
                         kick...

                                     SHORTY
                         Now you gotta learn the correct
                         slang.

               Shorty begins to demonstrate.

                                     CINDY
                         Yo! That jacket is tight.

                                     SHORTY
                         Yeah, now go uhn, uhn, uhn!

                                     CINDY
                         Uhn! Uhn! Uhn!

                                     SHORTY
                         Yeah, you feel that? Now put it all
                         together.

               Cindy now completely rhythmic and soulful, executes the
               combination, just as a nicely dressed YOUNG FEMALE STUDENT
               passes by.

                                     CINDY
                         Left...

               POW!!! Cindy connects with the student's jaw.

               CINDY

               POW!!! Another crunching blow.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Crossover kick...

               Cindy smashes her foot to the face of the student. The
               student falls to the ground.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Uhn! That jacket is tight. Now run
                         that shit, bitch.

               The student nervously gives Cindy her nice leather jacket.

               Cindy slaps Shorty high-five.

               The student takes off running.

               Cindy puts on the jacket and poses in a gangster lean.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Am I cool now?

                                     SHORTY
                         Almost... Look, I gotta bounce.
                         I'll holla at you later.

               Cindy gives Shorty a hug. They go their separate ways.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. MEN'S DORM -- RAY'S ROOM -- LATER

               RAY, and his roommate, TOMMY, are getting dressed. Their
               friend, BUDDY, waits impatiently.

                                     BUDDY
                         Hey, man, you two boners aren't
                         ready yet? We're gonna miss the bus,
                         Ray. Coach says if our GPA drops
                         below 2 we're off the squad.

                                     RAY
                         Don't worry, we'll make it. Say,
                         what do you guys think, tucked in or
                         out?

               REVEAL:

               Ray, naked with his dick tucked between his legs, making it
               look like he has a vagina.

                                     BUDDY/TOMMY
                         Out!!!

                                     RAY
                         No doubt. That's what I thought.

               Ray and Tommy continue to get dresses. Buddy waits.

                                     BUDDY
                         If you two hadn't been out partying
                         last night, you'd be ready by now.

                                     TOMMY
                         It was awesome, dudes. We got
                         fucking wasted. I had like a whole
                         keg. Dude, I was so shitfaced. I
                         woke up naked in a tub of ice.

                                     RAY
                              (laughing)
                         I woke up naked, too.

                                     TOMMY
                         Hey, dude, you got a tattoo.

                                     RAY
                         What does it say?

                                     TOMMY
                         It says, "Ray."

                                     RAY
                              (checks Tommy's back)
                         Sweet. Hey, you got a tattoo, too.

                                     TOMMY
                         Get out?! What does it say?

                                     RAY
                         "Fucked me."

                                     TOMMY
                         Aww. Cool. Dude.

               They read each other's tattoos ala "Dude, Where's My Car?"

                                     TOMMY  (CONT'D)
                         "Ray!"

                                     RAY
                         "Fucked me."

                                     TOMMY
                         "Ray!"

                                     RAY
                         "Fucked me."

                                     TOMMY/RAY
                         "Ray fucked me."

                                     TOMMY
                         Hey!

                                     RAY
                         What?

               Buddy gives Tommy a wedgy.

                                     BUDDY
                         Wedgy moment.

                                     TOMMY
                         Totally got me, fuck.

               He tries to fix his underwear.

                                     BUDDY
                         Come on, dude. We're gonna be late.

               Ray grabs his stuff. He and Buddy exit.

                                     RAY
                         See you later, man.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. CAMPUS -- DAY

               Cindy passes several activity booths. She notices a YOUNG
               PRETTY GIRL on the phone, obviously upset. Her name is ALEX.

                                     ALEX
                              (into phone)
                         That's it! I don't want to be
                         treated like this anymore. It's
                         over. Goodbye. Have a nice life.

               She hangs up the phone. Cindy approached.

                                     CINDY
                         Are you okay?

                                     ALEX
                         Yeah, I'm fine. I just broke up
                         with my boyfriend, that's all.

                                     CINDY
                         That's always tough. How long were
                         you together?



                                     ALEX
                         Well, we never made it official, so
                         I guess we were technically never
                         really boyfriend and girlfriend, but
                         I was seeing him in school. I saw
                         him at the mall about six months ago
                         and I was too nervous to introduce
                         myself so I followed him to his car,
                         and jotted down the license plate
                         number. It was registered to his
                         mother, so I went to her house. She
                         was so nice. I mean, she seemed like
                         she would be nice 'cuz I never
                         really spoke to her. I just waited
                         til she went to work then I climbed
                         in through her window and borrowed
                         her phone book. I say borrowed
                         because I'm going to give it back
                         one day. But anyway, I called
                         everyone in it til I found her son.
                         He wasn't home when I called so I
                         left this message how much in love I
                         was with him. I was, and how I
                         wanted to have his children. Just
                         really opening up, and he never
                         called back. I'd call and call, and
                         anyway, six months and two
                         restraining orders later I just
                         decided I deserved better. What
                         about you? Do you have a boyfriend?

                                     CINDY
                         No, I haven't dated in a while. My
                         last boyfriend's...

               Alex interrupts, totally uninterested in Cindy's story.

                                     ALEX
                         Hey, look there. My friend Brenda.

               CLOSE ON:

               BRENDA is on the financial aid line, standing before the
               CASHIER.

                                     CASHIER
                         Okay, here's your loan check. Your
                         grant check. Your disability check.
                         And oh, a block of government cheese.

                                     BRENDA
                         Thanks.

               She steps out of line. We see behind her a HOMELESS MAN,a
               WELFARE MOTHER with KIDS, a CRACK ADDICT, etc.

               Cindy and Alex approach.

                                     ALEX
                         Hey, Brenda.

                                     BRENDA
                         Do I know you?

                                     ALEX
                         Well, actually, we've never met
                         officially, but I bumped into you at
                         the cafeteria and you were so sweet.
                         I said, "I'm sorry," and you said,
                         "Watch it, white bitch, or I'll put
                         my size eight in your ass." I
                         thought how cool. I wear a size
                         eight, too. Anyway, this is my best
                         friend, Cindy.

                                     CINDY
                         We already know each other. Hey,
                         Brenda.

                                     BRENDA
                         Hey, Cindy. Your friend needs help.

                                     CINDY
                         Actually, I just met her. This is
                         Alex.

                                     BRENDA
                         Oh my god. Madam Elsa, my psychic,
                         told me I would meet somebody whose
                         name starts with a letter of the
                         alphabet today.

                                     CINDY
                         Really? That's amazing.

                                     BRENDA
                         Hey girl, that jacket is slamming.

                                     CINDY
                         Thanks.

                                     BRENDA
                         You better be careful. I heard some
                         girl got her ass whooped and jacket
                         stolen earlier today.
                              (off Cindy's look)
                         Hey, what class do we have next?

                                     CINDY
                         Psychology.

                                     ALEX
                         Me, too. 101?

                                     BRENDA
                         In room "302" at ten o'clock?

                                     ALEX
                         That's it.

                                     BRENDA
                         Oh, this is too much. I'm gonna
                         have to play these numbers. Remind
                         me to pick up a Lotto ticket.

               The girls take a few steps before Brenda grabs Cindy by the
               arm just as they're about to pass an iron post between them.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                         Wait, don't split the pole. It's
                         bad luck.

               Brenda walks around Cindy's side and they go on to class.

                                     ALEX
                         You don't really believe that stuff.

               Just then, TWO OTHER STUDENTS split the pole on either side
               and are mowed down by a car.

                                     BRENDA
                         Oh yes, girl. After my near-death
                         experience, I've become very
                         spiritual. I can feel my angels all
                         around me, Oh, look a penny...

               Brenda picks up the penny. They walk past a fountain.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                         That's good luck. Wait, let me make
                         a wish and throw it in the fountain.
                              (closing her eyes)
                         I wish for a lot of money.

               She tosses the penny into the fountain.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                              (opening her eyes)
                         Oh, look, it worked.

               She reaches down in the fountain and grabs both hands full
               of coins.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                         God is good, y'all

               EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS -- ESTABLISHING SHOT -- A SHORT TIME
               LATER

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. SCIENCE BUILDING -- CONTINUOUS

               A STUDENT walks up a flight of steps through a set of
               swinging doors.

               He sees Dwight coming towards the doors in his wheelchair.

                                     STUDENT
                         There you go my man.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Hey, pal, I can handle a door by
                         myself.

                                     STUDENT
                         Fine.

               The student let the doors go. They swing, smashing into
               Dwight, sending him flying. ANOTHER YOUNG STUDENT rushes to
               help.

                                     STUDENT #2
                         Are you okay? Let me help you to
                         the handicapped ramp.

                                     DWIGHT
                         I am not handicapped! I can use the
                         steps like anyone else.

               Dwight wheels himself over to the stairs. He successfully
               navigates one step then goes tumbling violently down the
               rest.

                                     DWIGHT  (CONT'D)
                         That's one more than last week!

               INT. SCIENCE BUILDING - PROFESSOR OLDMAN'S OFFICE - A SHORT
               TIME LATER

               Dwight and PROFESSOR OLDMAN, 50's, distinguished, are
               present.

                                     DWIGHT
                         I finished all the interviews.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Let me see the files.

                                     DWIGHT
                         They're on top of the bookshelf.
                         I'll get them.

               Dwight wheels himself over to a bookshelf. As he attempts
               to retrieve the folder, the professor moves to assist him.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Let me help you.

                                     DWIGHT
                         I don't need your help. I'm
                         perfectly capable.

               Dwight climbs the bookshelf, reaches the top, and lifts up
               the folder. Just then, the bookshelf topples over on top of
               Dwight. His hand extends from the mess, holding the folder.

                                     DWIGHT  (CONT'D)
                         Here you go, Professor.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Are these all the subjects?

               Dwight, disheveled, glasses bent, gets back in his
               wheelchair and makes his way over to the Professor.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Yes. The scored all over the
                         Kiersey Temperment Sorter just like
                         you asked for.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Any of them hot?

               Dwight rolls his eyes.

                                     DWIGHT
                         I also took the liberty of putting
                         those with near-death experiences on
                         top.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Good thinking, Dwight. Traumatized
                         co-eds are a sure thing.

                                     DWIGHT
                              (dripping with
                              contempt)
                         As I am sure you are aware,
                         Professor, subjects who are close to
                         death are statistically more likely
                         to have the suggestibility required
                         for paranormal investigation, which
                         is, of course, why I've given them
                         special consideration.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Look, whatever you say, kid, but
                         the more they're hurtin', the more
                         they need a squirtin', if you know
                         what I mean.
                              (then, off Cindy's
                              picture)
                         Ooh, I like her.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Cindy Campbell. Classic abandoned
                         personality disorder. She seems
                         guarded, but willing to do this.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Willing? I like that.
                              (then, off Ray's
                              picture)
                         And, this one?

                                     DWIGHT
                         That's Ray Williams. I couldn't
                         quite figure him out, but he seemed
                         very eager and excited when we met.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         What's this?

               Professor holds up another photo of Ray. In this one, he's
               got his shirt off and his thumbs hooked in his jeans'
               pockets.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Oh, that's the picture he sent me
                         after our interview.

               The Professor continues looking at the pictures and files
               of Shorty, Ray, Brenda, and Cindy.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Car accident, gun shot, multiple
                         stabbings, a hook through the
                         back... Where did you find these
                         kids?

                                     DWIGHT
                         They are the survivors of the
                         Steveston County massacre.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Fantastic. These kids are exactly
                         the kind of catalyst needed to
                         awaken Hell House.

                                     DWIGHT
                         How are we going to get them all up
                         there?

                                     PROFESSOR
                         I'll make it part of the class.
                         We'll tell them they're
                         participating in a study on sleep
                         disorders.

                                     DWIGHT
                         And what happens when all hell
                         breaks loose?

                                     PROFESSOR
                         We record and document it. We're
                         gonna make history, Dwight.  The
                         first documented, unrefuted evidence
                         of life after death. The book sales
                         alone will be worth millions. I'll
                         be rich, and you my friend, will
                         have one hell of a thesis paper.
                         Now, what time is orientation?

                                     DWIGHT
                         In about fifteen minutes.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Remember, Dwight, not a word to
                         anyone.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. SCIENCE BUILDING -- HALLWAY -- MOMENTS LATER

               Buddy, Ray and a couple of other guys are horsing around.

               Smiling, Buddy, flicks a guy's ear. Slaps ANOTHER'S hat.
               They all take it good and naturally return the friendly
               abuse.

                                     BUDDY
                         Whoa! Who laid one?

                                     RAY
                         Whoever smelt it, dealt it.

               Buddy hits Ray in the chest.

                                     BUDDY
                         Open chest.

               Ray returns.

                                     RAY
                         Loose nuts. You better hide them.

               Ray stands grabbing the guy's crotch. Everyone stops
               laughing.

                                     RAY  (CONT'D)
                         What? You guys don't know this game?

               The girls walk past, interrupting the moment.

                                     BUDDY
                         Dude, look out.

               Ray turns. He and Cindy collide. Her books fall to the
               ground. Ray, not recognizing her, bends down to help her
               with her things. Their eyes meet. They are both shocked to
               see each other.

                                     CINDY
                         I'm sorry, I should have been
                         watching where I...

                                     RAY
                         It's okay.

                                     CINDY
                         Oh, my God, Ray! What are you doing
                         here?

                                     RAY
                         It's the sequel.

                                     CINDY
                         Oh, right.

                                     RAY
                         Listen, no need for you to worry.
                         All that stuff that happened before
                         is behind us. Let's just try to move
                         on.

                                     CINDY
                         I am.  So just do me a favor and
                         stay away from me.

               Cindy storms into class.

               Brenda pushes through the guys. She sees Ray. Their eyes
               lock.

                                     RAY
                         Hello Brenda.

                                     BRENDA
                         Hello Ray.

               Though guarded, we can see they still have feelings for one
               another.

               Brenda hurries into the classroom.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. PROFESSOR OLDMAN'S CLASSROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               The Professor addresses the class: Cindy, Alex, Brenda,
               Shorty, Dwight, Ray, Buddy, and THEO.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Welcome everyone. I'm Professor
                         Oldman. All of you have been
                         carefully selected to be in this
                         class. This course is very unique in
                         that each semester my students take
                         part in a bona fide study for which
                         they receive an automatic grade of
                         "A" upon completion. This semester's
                         study is insomnia. All of you have
                         some kind of sleep disorder that we
                         will attempt to resolve or at least
                         find the origin to.

               THEO, a striking looking woman who is drop-dead gorgeous,
               with a body to match, raises her hand.

                                     THEO
                              (standing)
                         Excuse me, but I don't have a sleep
                         disorder.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         It's okay. You have a "D-cup."
                         You're in the right place.

               Theo sits.

                                     PROFESSOR  (CONT'D)
                         My assistant, Dwight, will be
                         passing out directions to everyone.

               Dwight rolls over to the desk, picks up some papers, then
               rolls over to a few steps.

                                     CINDY
                         Would you like me to help you pass
                         them back?

                                     DWIGHT
                         I don't need your help.

               Dwight tips over in the wheelchair and falls hard against
               the floor. Everyone is taken aback. Crawling, Dwight passes
               out the papers. Everyone reaches down to collect one from
               him.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         You should arrive no later than 6PM
                         tonight, and plan to be there until
                         Monday. That's it for now. I'll see
                         you all this evening.

               Class ends. Everyone exits. Buddy notices Cindy has left
               her book. He grabs it and goes after her.

               INT. SCIENCE BUILDING -- HALL -- CONTINUOUS

               Buddy catches up to Cindy.

                                     BUDDY
                         Hey, you left your book back there.

                                     CINDY
                         Thanks. I'm Cindy.

               Buddy hands her the book. The cover reads "Dummies Guide to
               the Paranormal."

                                     BUDDY
                         So, I see you're really into spooks.

                                     CINDY
                         No. I never date outside my race.

                                     BUDDY
                         I meant you're into ghosts.

                                     CINDY
                         Oh, yeah. I'm just curious about
                         that kind of stuff.

                                     BUDDY
                         So it looks like we're going to be
                         spending the weekend together.

                                     CINDY
                         Yeah.

                                     BUDDY
                         Maybe we can study together or
                         something.

                                     CINDY
                         I'm sorry, Buddy. You seem really
                         nice, but I'm just getting over a
                         really bad relationship, and I'm not
                         ready to start dating yet.

               Buddy looks disappointed.

                                     CINDY (CONT'D)
                         But, hey, maybe we can be friends.

                                     BUDDY
                              (excited)
                         Sure, that would be cool. Friends.

                                     CINDY
                              (playfully)
                         Okay. See you later, friend.

               She turns to walk away. Buddy notices the top of her
               panties, grabs and yanks them up.

                                     BUDDY
                         Wedgy!!!

               Cindy hears the ripping sounds and feels the burn. She
               turns to see Buddy running away.

                                     BUDDY  (CONT'D)
                         Smell you later! Ha! Ha!

               Cindy smiles.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. COUNTRY ROAD -- DAY

               A small car drives by.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CAR -- CONTINUOUS

               Cindy, singing along with the radio. She sounds terrible.
               The song stops.

                                     V.O. RADIO
                         Hey, will you shut the fuck up and
                         let me sing?!

               Cindy, embarrassed, stops singing. The song starts up
               again. Cindy checks the address as she drives up.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. COUNTRY ROAD -- CONTINUOUS

               Cindy's car makes it's way up a long driveway.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. HELL HOUSE -- MOMENTS LATER

               Cindy walks up carrying luggage.

               CLOSE ON:

               Door. Cindy grabs the knocker.

               REVEAL:

               The knocker is a set of balls hanging from a bronzed male
               figure on the door. She slams them hard against the door.

               No answer. She bangs the knocker again. Still no answer.
               She pushed against the door. It opens, slowly.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. FOYER -- CONTINUOUS

               Cindy enters, walking through the house. She makes herself
               at home, nosing into things she shouldn't and speaking in
               general to no one.

                                     CINDY
                         Hello?

               She walks over to an answering machine and hits "play."

                                     ANSWERING MACHINE
                         No new messages.

                                     CINDY
                         Anybody home?

               She puts that down and moves a couple of pieces on a chess
               board.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Checkmate. Hello?

               She takes a bite off a half eaten sandwich and drinks the
               last of a glass of milk.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Hello?

               She deliberately knocks over a domino and sets off an
               elaborate carefully planned layout.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Is anybody here?

               She digs through the cushions of a chair and pockets some
               change.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         I was told there'd be somebody here.

               She opens a couple of pieces of mail and reads it, then...

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Hello? Your test results are in.

               Cindy continues walking through a swinging door and finds
               HANSON, a well-dressed man, middle-aged, with a short arm
               and a little hand. He's in the middle of preparing food. He
               holds a meat cleaver in his hand as he turns toward her.
               Cindy is startled.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Oh my God! I'm here with the...

                                     HANSON
                         Yes, Professor Oldman's group.
                         Forgive me. I didn't mean to
                         frighten you.

               He puts down the cleaver, and moves his hand towards
               Cindy's face.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         My aren't you a lovely child.

               Hanson strokes her face. Cindy fakes a strained smile.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                              (tapping her nose)
                         And what is your name?

               Cindy, almost cross-eyed, watching his finger.

                                     CINDY
                         I'm Cindy.

                                     HANSON
                              (extending his hand)
                         I'm Hanson the caretaker.

               Cindy reluctantly shakes his hand.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         I'll show you to your room. Let me
                         help you with that.

               He grabs the luggage.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         Whoa, that's heavy. I better use my
                         strong hand.

               He grabs the luggage with his little hand. The bag opens,
               spilling all of Cindy's items over the floor.

                                     HANSON.
                         I'm so sorry. I'll get them.

               As Hanson retrieves the items with his little hand; a
               toothbrush, underwear, and other personal effects, Cindy
               looks on in horror.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BASEMENT -- LATER

               A makeshift lab as been set-up with monitors and other high
               tech equipment.

               Dwight and the Professor discuss the project. Dwight is
               wearing a brand new pair of roller blades.

                                     DWIGHT
                         I have taken care of everything,
                         including medical supplies and blood
                         storage. We want to be safe.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Right. What about condoms?

                                     DWIGHT
                         Professor!

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Hey, you're the one who brought up
                         safety. I'm perfectly willing to go
                         in raw.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Would you please focus?

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Fine.
                              (then)
                         What's all this stuff?

                                     DWIGHT
                         Well, this measures the amount of
                         thermal imbalance within a room down
                         to the tiniest molecular
                         disturbances.

               The Professor is distracted by a bank of monitors.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Are those cameras all throughout
                         the house?

                                     DWIGHT
                         Yes, I thought that it would be
                         best.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Even in the bathroom?

               DWIGHT GESTURES TO A MONITOR

                                     PROFESSOR  (CONT'D)
                         So, if one of our little chickadees
                         is taking a shower which one of
                         these buttons do I press to get a
                         close-up?

                                     DWIGHT
                              (annoyed)
                         That one.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         After dinner, you and I will take
                         shifts throughout the night. I don't
                         want to chance miss anything.

                                     HANSON
                         Excuse me, sir, but the students
                         have started to arrive. Dinner will
                         be ready shortly.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Thanks, handyman.

                                     HANSON
                         I'm the caretaker, not the handyman.
                              (off Dwight's
                              footwear)
                         Nice skates. Be careful. You don't
                         want to fall and break something.

               Hanson exits before Dwight can respond.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         I'm going to change for dinner.
                         I'll see you shortly.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Sounds good. I'm just going to run
                         up to my room. Hop in the shower.
                         Jump into my jogging suit, and I'll
                         be right there.

               The Professor exits.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. DINING ROOM -- NIGHT

               Cindy enters. Ray, Shorty, Professor, Dwight, Alex, Brenda
               and Buddy are all already gathered.

                                     CINDY
                              (excitedly)
                         Hi guys.

                                     GROUP
                              (barely noticing
                              Cindy)
                         Hey. What's Up? Un huh.

               Theo enters the room. Everyone stares.

                                     THEO
                         Hey guys!

                                     GROUP
                              (excited)
                         Hi Theo!

               BUDDY APPROACHES CINDY

                                     CINDY
                              (smiling)
                         Hi Buddy.

                                     BUDDY
                         Open chest!!!

               Buddy punches her in the chest. Cindy goes flying.

                                     BUDDY  (CONT'D)
                         Gotta be quicker than that, "A-cup!"

               Cindy staggers to her feet.

                                     THEO
                         Well, are you boys just gonna stand
                         there with your mouths open, or is
                         somebody gonna offer me a seat?

               Cindy sits just as Buddy unknowingly grabs the chair from
               under her to give to Theo.

               Cindy crashes to the floor.

               THEO

               Many chairs are pushed in front of her including Dwight's
               wheelchair.

               REVEAL:

               Dwight sitting on Ray's lap.

                                     DWIGHT
                              (referring to his
                              wheelchair)
                         It's the best seat in the house. I
                         warmed it up for you.

                                     RAY
                         Second best.

               Theo sits next to the Professor.

               Cindy and Dwight reseat themselves.

                                     CINDY
                         Professor, is this the same house
                         that a young girl was possessed by a
                         demon or something?

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Yes, it was reported, but never
                         substantiated.

                                     SHORTY
                         Yeah, just like that charges
                         regarding me and that blind Haitian
                         girl.

                                     BRENDA
                         Pass me the salt.

               Brenda tosses a handful of salt over her shoulder. It goes
               into Dwight's face.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Hey, what are you doing?

                                     BRENDA
                         Keepin' evil spirits away. And if
                         that don't work I always got this.

               Brenda pulls out a gun and cocks it.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Not to worry. There's been no
                         reported activity in the house for
                         over twenty years.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Let's not forget, folks, this is a
                         study on sleep disorders.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Ah, yes, which reminds me, who here
                         thinks they'd wake up if somebody
                         snuck into their room and started
                         sniffing between their legs?

               Hanson rolls in a cart filled with a variety of food,
               including a huge turkey.

                                     BUDDY
                         Enough spooky stuff. Let's eat.

                                     BRENDA
                         Well ain't we gonna bless this food
                         first?

                                     ALEX
                         Allow me... God is good, God is
                         great, but not all the time.
                         Sometimes he could be a real
                         asshole, because it seems as though
                         every time I try to establish a
                         relationship with him, he never
                         returns my calls. I've been praying
                         for twenty-four years and I haven't
                         heard his voice yet. Not one message
                         on my answering machine. Your
                         miracles don't impress me. It's your
                         quality time I want. So, if you hear
                         me, and I know you're up there,
                         thanks for the food. It's the least
                         you can do. In Jesus' name, don't
                         let me get started on him, Amen.

               Alex looks up to see everyone staring in awe.

                                     HANSON
                         Anyone care for appetizers?

               Everyone chimes in their request.

               Hanson removes the long napkin draped over his arm,
               revealing his short arm and little hand with its stubby
               fingers. He uses this hand to hold the tray of appetizers.
               He offers some to the Professor.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         Finger food?

               Hanson walks around the table with the tray, offering.
               Everybody reaches to take one. They realize that the
               appetizers look creepily like Hanson's fingers. Cindy breaks
               the tension and reaches for a roll.

                                     CINDY
                         How about these buns?

                                     RAY
                         Yeah, they're so warm and soft.

                                     BUDDY
                         Ray!!!

               Ray pulls his finger from Buddy's ass. POP!

                                     RAY
                         Oh, my bad.

                                     HANSON
                         Sure, I'll just set them down and
                         you can help yourself.

               Everyone grabs a roll. Cindy takes a big bite.

                                     CINDY
                         Ummm!! They smell delicious.

                                     HANSON
                         Thanks. I made them by hand.

               Everyone drops their rolls. Cindy spits a mouthful into her
               napkin.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         The potatoes are just about ready.
                         Let me just go whip them up real
                         good.

               He whips the potatoes. His knuckles dip into the bowl,
               covering them with potatoes. Hanson licks his knuckles.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         Ah, that's good. Dig in.

               Hanson places the bowl on the table.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         And now for the turkey.

                                     RAY
                         Say, what do you say you let me do
                         that? You just relax. You've done
                         enough.

                                     HANSON
                         Oh, nonsense. It's my pleasure.

               Hanson raises a large knife, then rests his little hand on
               the turkey to hold it steady.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         You know, making a turkey is a real
                         art. The trick is in the stuffing. A
                         lot of people are afraid to get
                         their hands dirty. Not me. When I
                         stuff it, I like to get the whole
                         hand up in there. And you know I use
                         a secret ingredient in the
                         stuffing...

               Hanson pulls out a box of "HAMBURGER HELPLESS" with a
               crippled white glove on the box.

               Everyone moans. Their appetites, ruined as Hanson continues
               to tear up the turkey.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         Who's first? Anyone like a wing?

                                     DWIGHT
                         Yours, or the turkeys?

                                     HANSON
                         I supposed you'd like a leg. How
                         about two?

                                     DWIGHT
                         That's it. I'm gonna put my food in
                         your ass. I should warn you, I'm a
                         black belt in karate.

               Dwight pulls out a picture of himself in karate outfit
               lying on the floor with one leg up in a pose.

                                     HANSON
                         You don't scare me. I was a Golden
                         Gloves champion.

               Hanson pulls out his own picture of himself, shirtless in a
               boxing pose with a regular glove and a miniature glove on
               his little hand.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Relax, Dwight.
                              (then)
                         I got an idea.
                              (to Hanson)
                         Is there anything you didn't make?

                                     HANSON
                         Well, the dessert. I ordered out.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Great. What do you say we just skip
                         the heavy stuff and go straight to
                         the dessert?

                                     HANSON
                         Well, I guess if that's what you
                         all wish.

               Hanson goes to retrieve the dessert. He returns with a
               large cream pie.

               Everyone smiles. Hanson cuts a piece, slowly. Everyone
               watches to see if he'll put his hands in it. He doesn't.

               Hanson places the pie on Cindy's plate.

               Cindy smiles. She's about to take a bite when Buddy sticks
               his finger in the pie.

                                     BUDDY
                         My germs!

               He takes the pie from Cindy, but before he can take a bite
               Dwight sticks his finger in the pie.

                                     DWIGHT
                         My germs! Ha, ha!

               Everyone laughs.

               The professor reaches to cut himself a piece of pie when...

               Hanson shoves his finger in the pie.

                                     HANSON
                         My germs! Ha, ha!

               Everyone tosses down their napkins and gets up from the
               table.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                              (licking his fingers)
                         Funny, I always win that game.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

               Everyone gathers around the fireplace, enjoying after
               dinner beverages.

               THEO

               She stands behind the bar, mixing drinks for the guys.

                                     THEO
                         What can I get for you, boys?

                                     SHORTY
                         Yo, I'll take a "Sex on the Beach."

                                     THEO
                         Professor?

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Make mine a "Screaming Orgasm."

                                     THEO
                         Ray, what do you want?

                                     RAY
                         Balls on My Chin...
                              (off their reactions)
                         What, you out of "Bacardi?" Fine,
                         give me a "Mud Slide."

               Theo gets behind the bar and begins to entertain everyone
               with a nice display of bottle tossing. She is flipping
               bottles of alcohol behind her back, under her arms, between
               her legs. She then jumps on top of the bar and lays on her
               back and starts spinning the bottles on her big tits!

                                     CINDY
                         Professor, what's the history of
                         this house?

                                     PROFESSOR
                         I'm glad you asked. It actually
                         makes for a pretty good bedtime
                         story.

               The Professor picks up a children's book. "This Old Haunted
               House." He sits in front of the fireplace.

                                     PROFESSOR  (CONT'D)
                         Gather around.

               Everyone gathers around the fireplace.

                                     PROFESSOR  (CONT'D)
                         This house was built in 1898 by a
                         man named Archibald Keaton as a gift
                         to his wife, Cora.

                                     BRENDA
                         Yes, I feel their spirits. Cora...
                         Keaton... I am here to communicate...

                                     PROFESSOR
                         No, they sold the house in 1920 to
                         a millionaire, Uriah Bloodworth.

                                     BRENDA
                         Yes, of course, Uriah. I feel his
                         evil presence.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         No, he lost the house after the
                         stock market crash.

                                     BRENDA
                         But he could still be haunting the
                         house. He's angry that he had to
                         leave.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         He's not dead, you idiot. He lives
                         in Florida. Now, shut up and let me
                         finish.

               Brenda, sheepishly, sits down. NEW ANGLE:

               GHOST'S POV of the group.

               It moves slowly towards them.

                                     PROFESSOR  (CONT'D)
                         Anyway, the last owner was a very
                         rich man who built his empire off
                         the blood and sweat of the people in
                         this town. He lived like a king
                         until one day the servants of the
                         house killed him.

               A log in the fireplace snaps, startling everyone.

                                     BRENDA
                         I think there's more to the story.
                         I can feel something evil in the
                         house. It's all around. In the wall,
                         the floor, this piano...

               She strums the wire keys. One snaps and smacks her in the
               head.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                         Ouch!!

                                     CINDY
                         Brenda, are you okay? Come sit.

                                     BRENDA
                         No, you don't understand. It's here
                         in these statues...

               She touches two statues, holding lights. They smash her in
               the head. She staggers over to a Cuckoo clock.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                         This clock...

               The clock strikes twelve. The bird shoots out and pecks her
               in the face. She falls into a mirror.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                         This mirror...

               Her own reflection punches her in the face.

               Brenda sails against the wall. She sees a collection of
               swords and knives displayed on the wall.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                         These...

               The knives start to rumble.

                                     GROUP
                         NO!!!

                                     BRENDA
                         You're right. Not in the knives.

               She turns to see on the adjacent wall, antique guns.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                         It's in the guns.

               BLAM! The gun fires. Brenda goes down.

                                     DWIGHT
                         My God! Is she dead?

                                     PROFESSOR
                         No, they're just powder burns,
                         thank God. They were empty. Get her
                         upstairs.

                                     ALEX
                         Maybe this house is possessed.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         No such thing. What you all
                         witnessed was psychosomatic, purely
                         self-induced reactions brought on by
                         hysteria. Now I want everyone to get
                         some rest. We will start our testing
                         in the morning.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. HELL HOUSE -- NIGHT

               The wind howls. Doors and windows rattle. A full moon
               shines overhead.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB -- NIGHT

               The Professor speaks into a tape recorder.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         The group responded beyond
                         expectation. Cindy and Brenda seemed
                         most susceptible to the suggestion
                         of horror. Brenda exhibiting both
                         delusion and hysteria. Group fear
                         should manifest itself and intensify
                         as the night progresses.

               Dwight is reviewing the video tapes from earlier. He
               notices an image on the tape.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Professor, I think you should see
                         this.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         What is it? Some tits? A beaver
                         shot? What?

                                     DWIGHT
                         No, these are the tapes from the
                         living room. Check this out.

               Dwight rewinds the tape. We see Brenda being attacked.

                                     DWIGHT  (CONT'D)
                         The image there.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Are you sure it's not the tape?

                                     DWIGHT
                         I don't think so. It's on all the
                         cameras, and check this out. The
                         thermal readings inside the house
                         dropped ten degrees when the image
                         was recorded.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Congratulations, Dwight, it's begun.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LIVING ROOM -- LATER

               Cindy walks past a bird cage. She notices the little bird
               is dead.

                                     CINDY
                         Oh no, little bird.

               Cindy gently removes the bird from his cage.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BATHROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               Cindy enters, lifts up the toilet seat, and is about to
               flush the little bird when Shorty walks in holding a cigar
               box.

                                     SHORTY
                         Oh, my bad.

               He notices the bird.

                                     SHORTY  (CONT'D)
                         Aww, the little bird died.

                                     CINDY
                         Yeah, I didn't know what else to do.

                                     SHORTY
                              (looking at the
                              cigar box)
                         Hey, I got an idea.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. KITCHEN -- MOMENTS LATER

               CLOSE ON:

               Open cigar box.

               We see little bones being tossed into the box.

               PULL BACK TO REVEAL:

               Cindy and Shorty eating the fried bird.

                                     CINDY
                         That was a great idea, Shorty.

                                     SHORTY
                         I told you it would taste just like
                         chicken.

               Cindy and Shorty finish eating, and toss the final bones in
               the box. Cindy closes the box, She notices something strange
               in the kitchen.

               NEW ANGLE:

               All the cabinet doors are open and the chairs are stacked
               on the table.

                                     CINDY:
                              (to Shorty)
                         Did you do that?

                                     SHORTY
                         Uh, uh.

                                     CINDY
                         You better go get Dwight and the
                         Professor.

               Shorty exits.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. KITCHEN -- MOMENTS LATER

               Shorty returns with the Professor and Dwight.

               Cindy finishes drawing something on the floor.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Alright, Cindy, what's so important?

                                     CINDY
                         Professor, you guys gotta see this.
                         Dwight, come here.

               Cindy grabs Dwight's chair, places him in a circle on the
               floor. In front of the circle are arrows pointing to the
               wall.

                                     DWIGHT
                         What the hell are you doing?

                                     CINDY
                         Just wait, you'll see.

               A BEAT

               Dwight's chair moves by itself, slamming Dwight head first
               into the wall.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                              (excited)
                         Yippie! Wasn't that amazing?

                                     PROFESSOR
                         It's some kind of energy field. We
                         better record this.

                                     CINDY
                         Got my camera right here.

               Professor grabs Dwight's chair. Dwight is still dazed as he
               is placed back in the circle. Again, his chair flies
               forward, slamming him into the wall.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         I got it!

                                     PROFESSOR
                         That's fantastic. Our first
                         phenomenon. This is going to be a
                         great weekend. You guys better get
                         some sleep. Dwight and I will take
                         over from here.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. DARK HALLWAY -- LATER

               GHOST POV:

               It moves through the hallway to Theo's room.

               INT. THEO'S BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               Ghost CAM finds Theo sitting at the vanity table removing
               her makeup.

               Theo senses something. She looks around.

                                     THEO
                         Hello, hello?

               She shrugs and continues to remove her make-up.

               Theo notices a pimple.

                                     THEO  (CONT'D)
                         Damn.

               SPLAT!!! Goo hits the mirror as she pops the pimple.

               GHOST'S REACTION.

               Theo reaches for a brush. As she looks down the mirror is
               tipped-up by the ghost. She doesn't notice.

               Theo looks up and notices something else. There's a booger
               in her nose.

                                     THEO  (CONT'D)
                         Oh, my. How long has that been
                         there?

               She picks her nose and flicks the booger.

               The booger lands on the ghost. We see it shaking wildly as
               the ghost tries to get it off.

               Theo lifts her foot up and cracks her toes. She examines
               her feet.

                                     THEO  (CONT'D)
                         Oh, I need a pedicure.

               She looks on the table for something.

                                     THEO  (CONT'D)
                         Shit, forgot my clippers. Aw, fuck
                         it.

               She raises her foot to her mouth and bites her toenail.

                                     GHOST (V.O.) (V.O.)
                         Ugh.

                                     THEO
                         Huh? Who said that?

               Theo gets up and locks her door.

               Not knowing the ghost is behind her, she turns and faces
               him.

               GHOST POV:

               Theo unhooks her bra.

               CLOSE ON:

               The bra. As it hits the floor we see two false breasts fall
               out.

               REVEAL:

               Theo's real breasts are saggy.

               Theo scratches her breasts under, on top, and around the
               nipples until she's satisfied.

                                     THEO  (CONT'D)
                         Ahhh, that's better.

               She walks past the ghost still scratching, this time under
               her arm.

                                     THEO  (CONT'D)
                         Whew, not fresh are we?

               By now, the ghost is ready to give up. From his POV we see
               he doesn't follow Theo.

               Theo bends over to get something out of her bag.

               GHOST POV:

               Theo's perfect ass.

               He makes his move.

               The Ghost CAMERA moves in on Theo's ass.

               Just as he's about to attack, Theo farts, loudly, releasing
               a translucent green gas that makes the ghost sickened face
               visible for an instant.

               The Ghost, waving in front of his nose.

                                     THEO  (CONT'D)
                         Whew. I was holding that one in all
                         day.

               She stands and turns. We see she's holding a box of tampons.

               That's it. The ghost takes off running, slamming the door
               behind him.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. HALLWAY -- NIGHT

               Cindy is walking to her bedroom.

               Suddenly, she hears someone whispering her name.

                                     VOICE
                         Cindy... Cindy Cindy.

               She stops and listens.

                                     VOICE  (CONT'D)
                         Cindy... Cindy...

                                     CINDY
                         Who is it? Who are you?

                                     VOICE
                         Help us Cindy. Help us.

                                     CINDY
                         Help you how?

                                     VOICE
                         Check the music room.

               The voice disappears.

                                     CINDY
                         Where are you?

               NEW ANGLE:

               Buddy, walking down the hallway, tossing a football in the
               air, sees Cindy.

                                     BUDDY
                         Hey Cindy.

               She turns.

                                     BUDDY  (CONT'D)
                         Think fast.

               Buddy fires the football.

               BONK!!! The ball beans Cindy right in the head. She goes
               down.

               Buddy approaches.

                                     BUDDY  (CONT'D)
                         Dude, you suck.

               Cindy staggers to her feet.

                                     CINDY
                         You know, Buddy, about this
                         friendship thing...

                                     BUDDY
                         Yeah, it's great, isn't it. I think
                         it's so cool... have a girl as a
                         friend.

                                     CINDY
                         That's just it, Buddy. I'm a girl.
                         You can't be so rough with me.

                                     BUDDY
                         Then what kinda stuff can we do?

                                     CINDY
                         Gentle stuff like talking, sharing
                         thoughts and ideas, secrets and past
                         experiences. Stuff like that, you
                         know.

                                     BUDDY
                         It sounds gay, but guess since
                         you're a girl it's okay, huh?

                                     CINDY
                         Yeah, it will be fine. I wanna
                         check something out.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Will you come with me?

                                     BUDDY
                              (sweetly)
                         Sure. We can practice talking.

                                     CINDY
                              (smiling)
                         Okay.

               INT. MUSIC ROOM -- SHORT TIME LATER

               Cindy and Buddy enter. Buddy's in the middle of a story.

                                     BUDDY
                         So, this hot Spanish chick is
                         licking my balls and I'm
                         fingerbanging her, right, just
                         then...

               CINDY, ANNOYED

                                     CINDY
                         Buddy...

                                     BUDDY
                         Wait, I'm just about to tell you
                         the best part.

               Cindy notices something on the floor.

                                     CINDY
                         Oh my God. Look.

               Bloodied footprints.

                                     BUDDY
                         Dude, somebody's on the rag.

                                     CINDY
                         Shhh!

               Buddy and Cindy follow the footsteps.

               They lead to a secret passage.

               Cindy opens it to REVEAL a secret room.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. SECRET STUDY -- CONTINUOUS

               It's an old, dark creepy study. Shelves of dust covered
               with books, several paintings on the wall, an old wooden
               desk.

                                     CINDY
                         It must be a private study, or
                         something.

               Cindy finds an old newspaper.

               Headline: "Servants Kill Hugh Kane." There's a picture of
               HUGH KANE and an article on the killing.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         There's more to the story of this
                         house than the Professor told us. It
                         says here that Hugh Kane had a wife
                         who died mysteriously a week before
                         the servants killed him.

               Buddy looks at the painting on the wall. He wipes away the
               dust exposing the face.

               The painting is of a woman. It looks like Cindy. She's
               wearing a pendant around her neck.

                                     BUDDY
                         Whoa, check this out. She looks
                         like you.

                                     CINDY
                         Wow, she's beautiful. You really
                         think she looks like me?

                                     BUDDY
                         Her hair doesn't have as many split
                         ends at yours. Her skin isn't as
                         oily as yours, either. Also,
                         sometimes your eyes get kinda
                         squinty and they look like you might
                         have Down's Syndrome or something.
                         Otherwise the resemblance is uncanny.

               Cindy is feeling terrible about herself now. For a moment
               we think the criticism is done.

                                     BUDDY  (CONT'D)
                         Oh yeah... another difference is
                         she looks more sophisticated and
                         classy. More feminine. And her tits
                         are perfect. Not pointy and funny
                         looking, or spaced too far apart...

                                     CINDY
                              (annoyed)
                         Alright!

               Cindy finds a small chest, ornately decorated. The name
               "Carolyn" inscribed on it.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Buddy, look at this. I think it
                         belonged to her.

               Suddenly, a loud noise.

               Cindy and Buddy nearly jump out of their skin.

               REVEAL:

               A BLACK CAT.

                                     BUDDY
                         Come on, let's get out of here.
                         This place is giving me the creeps.

               Cindy grabs the chest and they exit.

               INT. BRENDA'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT

               The room is dark. The only light is the moonlight. Brenda
               stirs in bed. Ray is next to her.

                                     RAY
                         Shhh... It's okay.

                                     BRENDA
                         Ray, have you been here all this
                         time?

                                     RAY
                         I just wanted to make sure you were
                         okay.

                                     BRENDA
                         I'm fine. Just a few bruises.

                                     RAY
                         So, I guess I can go now.

                                     BRENDA
                         No, stay.

                                     RAY
                         You sure?

                                     BRENDA
                         Yeah, I think I'll feel better
                         sleeping in the arms of a strong man.

                                     RAY
                         Yeah, me too.

               Brenda gives a confused look.

                                     BRENDA
                         I'm gonna take a shower. I'll be
                         right back.

               Brenda exits.

               Ray sits on the bed for a moment. He notices a clown doll
               sitting in a rocking chair across the room. The moonlight
               gives the clown face an eerie glow.

               Ray takes off his shirt and tosses it at the clown,
               covering its face an causing the chair to rock.

               Ray gets down and does a few push-ups.

               CLOSE ON:

               The door. A fog-like mist comes into the room. Ray feels a
               chill and checks the thermostat.

                                     RAY
                         Damn, it's cold.

               Ray goes to retrieve his shirt. He notices the clown is
               gone.

               Ray looks around and doesn't see the clown doll anywhere.

               Suddenly, a rustling noise comes from under the bed.

               Ray's breathing, quickens. He knows where he must now look.
               Ray slowly lowers himself head first to the floor of the
               bed, in preparation to look under it.

               He very, very carefully lifts the dust ruffle and lets the
               top of his head touch the rug. Ray is upside-down as he
               looks into the darkness under his bed.

               Under the bed. The clown is there, face to face with him,
               smiling sardonically.

               In the split-second it takes for a child to draw a breath
               and let it out through the vocal chords, the clown wraps its
               five foot extension arms around Ray's neck, cutting off half
               his air.

               WIDE ANGLE HIGH.

               Struggling now for his life, Ray is dragged helplessly
               under the bed and out of sight. Under the bed we hear a
               struggle, followed by the evil laugh of the clown.

                                     CLOWN DOLL (V.O.) (V.O.)
                         Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee!

                                     RAY (V.O.) (V.O.)
                         Oh, you want to play!

               We hear more struggling.

                                     CLOWN DOLL (V.O.) (V.O.)
                         Hey, stop that? Homey don't play
                         that.

               The clown attempts to climb from under the bed, only to be
               dragged back under by Ray. Now we hear Ray laughing,
               maniacally.

                                     RAY (V.O.) (V.O.)
                         Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee!

                                     CLOWN DOLL (V.O.) (V.O.)
                         No! No! Noooooo!!!

               INT. BRENDA'S BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

               Brenda enters to find Ray out of breath, and buckling his
               pants.

                                     BRENDA
                         Are you okay? I thought I heard
                         screaming.

                                     RAY
                         Oh, I'm fine... just clowning
                         around.

               ANGLE ON:

               The clown doll. His pants are down by his ankles. His head
               turns to the camera. His smile is gone, replaced by a frown.
               A single tear is running down his face.

               INT. ALEX'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT

               The window blows open. Curtains flutter in the wind.

               Alex sleeping. Her head back, her mouth open. She snores,
               lightly, unaware of the presence in the room. A breeze
               brushes past her causing her hair to move. Alex remains
               asleep.

               CLOSE ON:

               ALEX

               The ghost pulls up her t-shirt to reveal a pair of perfect
               breasts.

               Her breasts get squeezed at the base, and bulge out like
               water balloons, but she still doesn't wake up.

               The GHOST continues kissing her neck.

               Alex moans, still sleeping.

               CLOSE ON:

               ALEX'S FACE:

               Her mouth opens wider. We see a growing indentation in her
               cheek as if something is going in and out of her mouth.

               Suddenly, Alex's eyes open. She sits up and tries to speak.

                                     ALEX
                         Mmph! Mmph!

               The back of her head stretches to the shape of a penis.

               Alex struggles with the force, finally breaking free.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         Somebody help! Help!

               The ghost pins her to the bed and attacks her. Throwing her
               arms over her head, Alex screams.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                              (startled)
                         Ah!

               Then throwing her legs behind her head, she screams again.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         Oh! Okay.

               The ghost starts fucking Alex. He's very rough and dominate.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                              (intrigued)
                         Oh, my God. Yes! Yes!

               The ghost drags her up the wall and over a portrait of a
               solemn looking man.

               Then Alex's butt slides over his face and the man is now
               smiling.

               The ghost drags her across the ceiling and crashes her head
               into the light fixture.

               The sexual Olympics continue as she spider-walks down the
               wall and is dragged across the floor, smoke comes up from
               beneath her.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         Oooh. Oooh. Rug burn. Rug burn.

               The ghost gets Alex back to the bed and flips her over to
               reveal tire skid marks down her back.

               Still the sexcapades continue.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS

               The bedroom window is totally fogged over when Alex's hand
               hits it and slides down the glass ala TITANIC.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. ALEX'S BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               Suddenly, it stops as quickly as it begun.

               Alex lays disheveled on the bed.

                                     ALEX
                              (desperate)
                         Call me.

               The door slams.

               Alex lights a cigarette.

               INT. CINDY'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT

               Cindy, sitting in bed, trying to open the chest. She is
               startled by the sound of the door creaking open.

                                     CINDY
                              (nervous)
                         Who's there?

               The black cat enters. Cindy gives a sigh of relief.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Hey, kitty, kitty. How you doin'
                         girl?

               The cat pauses and gives her the finger by flicking his
               claw out with the gesture.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Huh?

               Suddenly, the cat attacks grabbing and scratching her
               throat.

               Cindy tosses the cat off and jumps to her feet.

               The cat lands and pounces right back.

               Cindy catches it and throws it down harder, sending it
               crashing into a table which smashes into pieces.

               Cindy and the cat circle each other.

               The cat grabs a bottle from the table, breaks it, holding
               the jagged side out towards Cindy.

               The cat jumps on Cindy, knocks her to the floor, pinning
               her down. The cat tries to shove the broken bottle into
               Cindy's face.

               Cindy, desperately, holds back the cat's paw. Her teeth
               gritting with effort.

               Cindy slowly turns the bottle towards the cat, who now
               looks worried.

               Cindy makes her move, flipping the cat over. Now, she's on
               top pushing the bottle close to the cat's throat.

               The cat gives a huge effort and shoves Cindy off of itself.

               Fighting dirty, the cat reaches into its litter box and
               throws some of the sand in Cindy's eyes.  The cat then picks
               up a chair and breaks it over Cindy's head, then jumps on
               her back and tries to strangle her with piano wire. But
               Cindy manages to flip the cat forward over her shoulder.

               Cindy runs into the bathroom and locks herself inside.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CINDY'S BATHROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               Kitty's paws reach for her from beneath the door.

               REVEAL:

               His eye peeking through the keyhole.

               Suddenly, an ax chops through the door making a big enough
               hole for the kitty to reach in and turn the knob.

                                     CINDY
                              (screaming)
                         Somebody help me!

               Cindy is desperate. She looks for anything that might save
               her. Cindy grabs a ball of yarn.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Here, kitty, kitty. Look...

               Cindy plays with the yarn.

               The cat can't resist. He wants the yarn.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Go get it.

               Cindy tosses the ball of yarn, it flies out the window. The
               cat leaps after it, falling to its death.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CINDY'S BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               Cindy staggers out of the bathroom, bloodied clothes torn.

               Theo rushes to her.

                                     THEO
                         Are you okay?

                                     CINDY
                         I think so.

                                     THEO
                         Come on. We better get you cleaned
                         up.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. KITCHEN -- NIGHT -- SHORT TIME LATER

               Theo tends to Cindy's wounds. The professor pours a cup of
               tea.

                                     CINDY
                         I'm telling you, it was possessed.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Theo, did you see the animal?

                                     THEO
                         No, I just heard the commotion, and
                         when I got there I guess it was gone.

                                     CINDY
                         What, you think I did this to
                         myself?

                                     PROFESSOR
                         No, I'm just saying cats are known
                         to be very territorial animals, and
                         it is likely it did attack, but it
                         doesn't mean it was possessed. Maybe
                         the two of you should sleep together.

                                     CINDY
                         What are you getting at, Professor?

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Only that if this cat did attack,
                         he's less likely to come back if the
                         two of you were, let's say,
                         together. Come on, it's college.
                         Time for you two to experiment.

                                     THEO
                         Cindy, I don't think we're going to
                         get any help here.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Actually, I'd be more than willing
                         to walk you through it.

                                     THEO
                         Come, Cin, I'll make sure you're
                         tucked in.

               Theo and Cindy rise to exit.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Good idea, and don't forget to give
                         her a good-night kiss.

                                     CINDY
                         There's something going on in this
                         house. I'm not crazy.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CINDY'S BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

               Cindy enters and says good-night to Theo.

                                     THEO
                         Good-night, Cin. I'll be next door
                         if you need me.

                                     CINDY
                         Thanks, I'll be fine.

               Cindy closes the door and walks to her bed. She notices a
               picture has fallen off the night stand.

               Cindy places it back on the nightstand.

               Cindy turns to climb into bed when she hears the picture
               fall again. This time the frame breaks, revealing a key
               hidden in the frame.

               Cindy examines the key. She gets an idea.

               Cindy retrieves the chest she found in the secret study
               form beneath her bed. She places the key in the hole and
               turns it.

               The chest opens.

               Cindy finds several items.

               Pictures of Carolyn.

               A diary.

               An old fashioned dildo.

               The pendant worn by Carolyn in the photos.

               Cindy walks to the mirror, slowly placing the pendant
               around her neck. She looks up into the mirror. Her eyes have
               a strange look.  She slowly turns and looks at the bedroom
               door.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               INT. KITCHEN -- LATER THAT NIGHT

               The refrigerator door opens. We see the Professor looking
               for a snack. He grabs an apple.

               REVEAL:

               Cindy wearing a sexy red dress ala "Michelle Pfeiffer."

                                     CINDY
                         Hello, Professor.

               HE SMILES

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Hello, Cindy

               She shakes her head.

                                     CINDY
                         Forbidden fruit.

               She takes the apple.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Got a problem with that?

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Yeah, bitch, give me my apple.
                         What's gotten into you?

               He snatches the apple back.

               Cindy walks over to a basket of fruit on the counter and
               picks up a banana.

               Provocatively, she peels it and, looking deep in his eyes,
               she slips the banana into her mouth, sliding it in and out
               simulating a blow job. Suddenly, the banana breaks off in
               her throat and she starts to choke on it. She turns red,
               gagging and coughing.

                                     CINDY
                         Gock--gock--gock...

               Finally, realizing that something is wrong, the Professor
               runs over to her and does the Heimlich on her. She finally
               spits up a big chunk of banana and it plops on the floor.

               Recovering, she sits back down on the stairs, continuing
               her seduction. She picks up a whole pineapple and starts
               licking it sexually and finally shoves the whole thing in
               her mouth, again simulating a blow job.

               ANGLE ON:

               THE PROFESSOR

               He's getting back in the mood, getting turned on again.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Ooo, yes.

               ANGLE ON:

               CINDY

               She drops the pineapple and picks up a watermelon, shoving
               that in her mouth--stretching out her mouth and face,
               insanely. She slides it in and out of her mouth.

               ANGLE ON:

               THE PROFESSOR

                                     PROFESSOR  (CONT'D)
                         Ohh...mmm...

               Satisfied that the Professor is well turned on, Cindy drops
               the watermelon. She then grabs a lit candle and struts to
               the kitchen steps where she sits and places the candle
               between her legs.

               The Professor watches, seductively.

               Cindy spreads her legs, lifts the front of her dress. A
               strong gust of air comes from between her legs, blowing out
               the candle.  The wind is so strong, it begins to blow papers
               and the Professor back.

                                     CINDY
                         There. That's better.

               Cindy gets up and walks over to the Professor. Only the
               desk stands between them. Cindy grabs him by his tie,
               choking him as she pulls him up onto the table.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         I take it you're not mad at me.

                                     CINDY
                         I wouldn't go that far.

               She grabs his belt and pulls him into her, then holds the
               apple to his mouth. He takes a bite and she mashes it hard
               into his mouth, then pulls it out along with his dentures.

               He quickly pops them back into his mouth.

               Cindy rips open his shirt to reveal unusually large nipples
               for a man.

               Then unbuckling his belt and pants to reveal an adult
               diaper underneath.

               She pushes him back onto the desk and straddles him.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         I don't like this, this...

                                     CINDY
                              (pinning him down)
                         Why don't you shut up, Professor?
                         Just relax.

               Cindy reaches her hand down the Professor's pants. She
               feels something then stops and stares deeply into the
               Professor's eyes.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         I think she's starting to suspect
                         something?

                                     PROFESSOR
                              (Confused)
                         Who?

               Suddenly, Cindy's face turns into RAY'S FACE.

                                     RAY
                         Your wife!

               The Professor screams, then pushed RAY off him. He gets up
               from the desk and starts fixing his pants and runs out of
               the room.

               ANGLE ON:

               Cindy's face as it morphs back.

                                     CINDY
                         Oh, my God. It happened right here.
                         She came home. She saw them.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Saw who?!

                                     CINDY
                         Don't touch me!!

               Cindy passes out.

               Dwight rushes in, sees the Professor, his pants by his
               ankles, and Cindy unconscious on the floor.

                                     DWIGHT
                         What the hell?!

                                     PROFESSOR
                         It's not what is looks like. She's
                         having a breakdown. Help me get her
                         to her room.

                                                               DISSOLVE TO:

               EXT. HELL HOUSE -- THE NEXT DAY

               Clouds and an overcast sky set a dark mood over Hell House.
               The grey skies tell us a storm is brewing.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. FOYER -- CONTINUOUS

               Buddy, coming down the main stairs notices the Professor
               duck behind a door.

               Buddy investigates, following the Professor.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BASEMENT -- CONTINUOUS

               Buddy slowly creeps down the steps. He peeks around the
               corner, keeping the Professor in sight.  Buddy sees the
               Professor enter the lab.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB -- CONTINUOUS

                                     DWIGHT
                         Professor, we need to talk.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         What is it, Dwight?

                                     DWIGHT
                         I think we should consider cutting
                         the experiment short.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         What?

                                     DWIGHT
                         The force in this house is far
                         greater than I anticipated. In one
                         night I recorded cold spots,
                         shifting magnetic fields, the E.U.P.
                         is picking up white sounds
                         everywhere.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         That's why we came here, remember?

                                     DWIGHT
                         Yes, but I've seen the tapes. This
                         poltergeist is becoming increasingly
                         more violent. We all could be in
                         danger. I say we pull the plug.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Whoa, Dwight, I say when we pull
                         the plug. Get a hold of yourself.
                         Dwight, we're on the verge of
                         greatness and I'm about this close
                         to getting laid. Now, the bus will
                         be here on Monday. Until then no one
                         leaves.

               CLOSE ON:

               BUDDY

               He's been listening to everything.

                                     PROFESSOR  (CONT'D)
                         Now, here are the keys to the gate
                         and the cell phone. No one gets
                         access to either, understand?

               Dwight nods yes.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. SHORTY'S BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

               Shorty is watering the seed plant. It is a tremendous size.
               It's as tall as a tree.

               Shorty closes a window, and climbs into bed.

               He reached over and sets his digital alarm clock to wake
               him at "C.P. Time."

               Next, he pulls back the covers on his bed and pops a gold
               tooth out of his mouth. He then places it in a little
               drawstring bag marked "Tooth Fairy" and puts it under his
               pillow.

               Finally, he closes his eyes.

               Suddenly, he's awakened by the sound of rattling chains and
               creaking floors.

                                     SHORTY
                         I can't sleep like this.

               He pops a tape marked "Ghetto Lullabies" into his radio and
               pushes the play button.

               The sounds of gun fire, police sirens, and a WOMAN
               screaming are heard.

                                     WOMAN (V.O.) (V.O.)
                         They done killed my baby! Why
                         Lord?! Why?

                                     SHORTY
                         Ah, that's better.

               Shorty tries to sleep, but just tosses and turns.

                                     SHORTY  (CONT'D)
                         I know what I need.

               Shorty finds a joint and lights up.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. ALEX'S BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               Alex is now pacing the floor, smoking a cigarette, pissed
               off. She goes over to her "Ouija Board" and begins to try
               summoning the ghost.

                                     ALEX
                              (moving the arrow
                              along the board)
                         Hello?... Ghost?...Baby, are you
                         there?...I've been waiting on you
                         for almost ten minutes now! Where
                         are you?

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. SHORTY'S BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

               Shorty, sitting up, totally stoned, talking to a "Wilson"
               volleyball.

               The rest of this scene to come.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. ALEX'S BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

               Alex is now sitting on her knees in the middle of a circle
               of candles. She's chanting as she rocks back and forth.

                                     ALEX
                         Oh, ghost of the night, I beseech
                         thee. Oh fickle fleeting ghost of
                         the night, I beseech thee.

               Still no response.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                              (pissed)
                         Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!

               She begins to tear up the room.

               Smashing lamps and vases against the wall.

               Ripping his portrait down and kicking it with her foot.

               Tearing the feathers out of her pillows with her bare hands.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. SHORTY'S BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

               Shorty lies in his bed, totally paranoid. His eyes wide
               with fear. Every sound makes him jump.

               Suddenly, there's a bolt of lightning, and it begins to
               rain.

                                     SHORTY
                         Ahhh!!!!!!

               Shorty jumps out of bed and runs around the room looking
               for the volleyball.

                                     SHORTY  (CONT'D)
                         Wilson! Wilson! Wilson!

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. ALEX'S BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

               Alex is sitting in a corner, her hair a mess, her make-up
               running. An empty wine bottle and glass, along with an
               ashtray filled with half-smoked cigarettes are at her feet.

               MUSIC CUE:

               THE SOUNDTRACK FROM "MADAME BUTTERFLY" PLAYS.

               Alex, staring straight ahead, flicking the light on and
               off. She is Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction."

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. SHORTY'S BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

               Shorty, still counting, is interrupted by another flash of
               lightning, and rumbling of thunder. The lightning
               illuminates the weed plant, giving it an ominous shape.

               Shorty, terrified, clutches the volleyball.

                                     SHORTY
                         One one thousand. Two one thousand.
                         Three one thousand.

               Suddenly, the weed plant comes to life. Its limbs smash the
               window as it reaches in and grabs Shorty.

               Shorty screams.

               Ray, Buddy, and Brenda enter.

               They see the plant using the sheet like rolling papers
               rolling Shorty into a human joint.

               They all rush to help him.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CINDY'S BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

               Cindy is reading Carolyn's journal.

                                     CAROLYN (V.O.) (V.O.)
                         Tonight, Hugh and I made love for
                         the first time. Ha, ha, ha, talk
                         about little. I can't take living
                         with him any longer. He's becoming a
                         monster. Darkness is all around us.
                         Poor Hanson died today; burned alive
                         in the furnace. They say it was an
                         accident, but...

               Cindy closes the journal.

                                     CINDY
                         Oh, my God!

               Suddenly, her door slams.

               CLOSE ON:

               Cindy's closet. A bright light begins to glow inside. Cindy
               sees the light. She sits up. Suddenly, her bedroom door
               slams shut.

               A huge wind starts to suck the items in the room into the
               closet.

               Cindy grabs the headboard at the bed and starts to yell for
               help.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Help! somebody help!

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. SHORTY'S BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

               A bolt of lightning strikes the tip of the human joint,
               lightning the tip on fire.

                                     SHORTY
                         Help! Help! He's trying to smoke
                         me, son!

               Ray and Buddy grab Shorty and pull him to safety, just as
               the plant is sucked out of the window, into the night.

               Just when they think it's over, they hear the sound of
               Cindy screaming.

                                     BRENDA
                         Oh my God, Cindy!

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. CINDY'S BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               Cindy clings for deal life to the bed as BAM! Alex kicks in
               the door just as Cindy's panties slide down to her ankles.

                                     ALEX
                         You cheating son of a bitch! Touch
                         her and I'll make sure that's the
                         last piece of possession you have.
                              (ALTERNATE)
                         You son of a bitch! Oh, what you
                         gonna play like this? I know you
                         didn't do that!

               The wind stops, dropping an unconscious Cindy to the bed.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         What, one woman isn't enough for
                         you? Must you channel every girl in
                         this house? How would you like it if
                         I fucked another ghost, huh?

               Heavy invisible footsteps make their way to the door.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         Where do you think you're going?
                         This isn't finished. That's just
                         like you, every time things get
                         serious you disappear.

               The door opens and slams shut as Alex continues to scream
               after him.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         Don't forget! I know where you rot!
                              (then to herself)
                         Selfish bastard. All you entities
                         are the same.

               ENTER BUDDY AND DWIGHT

                                     BUDDY
                         What happened here?

                                     ALEX
                         Ask your poltergeist stealing whore!

               Alex storms out.

                                     DWIGHT
                         She's in shock. We have to get her
                         in a tub of water.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BATHROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               Buddy places Cindy in the tub, turns on the water, and
               splashes some in her face.

               Dwight checks her pulse.

                                     DWIGHT
                         She's okay. She won't be able to
                         move for awhile. Her body has to
                         recover from the trauma. Just leave
                         her here.

               Buddy and Dwight exit.

               CLOSE ON:

               The tub faucet still running.

               CLOSE ON:

               The drain plug. It closes shut. The tub starts to fill with
               water.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BATHROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               Cindy is still in the tub. As her eyes open. Terror crosses
               her face.

               The bath water is rising above her chest.

                                     CLOSE ON:
                         Cindy's hand. She can barely move a
                         finger.

                                     CLOSE ON: (CONT'D)
                         Cindy's foot. she wiggles it over
                         to the chain holding the plug.

               The bath water is now at Cindy's mouth.

               Cindy lifts the chain with her foot, then slams down her
               heel up-ending the drain plug.

               Relief...until she realizes the water is still rising.

               Her foot digs down the drain and pulls out a clump of hair.

               Water at her eyes and still rising.

               Her foot hops out of the tub and grabs a plunger.

               The foot plunges the drain. Still nothing. Water rising.

               Cindy, head tipped back. All we see is nostrils.

               Water spills out of the tub and onto the floor.

               Cindy's foot grabs a pen and paper, writes a note, stuff it
               in a bottle, and then tosses the bottle into the spilled
               water.

               The bottle floats away.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. FOYER - (OR WHATEVER ROOM EASIEST TO DO THIS GAG) --

               Water pours in the room around the group's feet.

                                     RAY
                         I say we leave now.

               Everyone agrees.

                                     BRENDA
                         Wait. I'm sensing someone else in
                         danger.

               CRASH!!! A bottle smashes across Brenda's head.

                                     SHORTY
                              (holding a broken
                              bottle)
                         Don't start that shit again!

               The note falls out of the bottle.

                                     ALEX
                         Look, a note.

                                     BUDDY
                              (reading note)
                         "Help, I'm drowning - Cindy."

                                     GROUP
                         Cindy!!!

               They all rush to the bathroom.

               INT. BATHROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               Cindy, totally submerged, staring fare to face with a
               whale. Suddenly, she is lifted out of the tub.

                                     BUDDY
                         You okay?

               Cindy nods "yes."

                                     BUDDY  (CONT'D)
                         Now we got everybody. Let's get out
                         of here.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. KITCHEN -- A SHORT TIME LATER

               ALEX

               She sings a happy tune as she cooks breakfast.

               Cindy, Ray, Theo, and Brenda gather around the island.
               Shorty enters.

                                     SHORTY
                         Damn, it smells good.

               He reaches for a piece of bacon. Alex slaps his hand.

                                     ALEX
                         That's for someone special.

                                     SHORTY
                         I'm glad somebody got laid.

               Alex smiles.

                                     ALEX
                         I never kiss and tell.

               ANGLE ON:

               THE ISLAND

               Shorty joins the group.

               (Note: During this scene, no one is paying attention to
               Alex)

                                     SHORTY
                         Yo, there's some freaky shit in
                         this house. Y'all hear that loud
                         banging and screaming?

                                     ALEX
                              (giggles)
                         Sorry about that.

                                     CINDY
                         Brenda was right. There's more to
                         the story than the Professor told
                         us. I found a secret room. It had
                         all these news clippings about Hugh
                         Kane. He was a very evil man.

                                     ALEX
                              (talking to the sky)
                         Ah, they just don't know you the
                         way I do.

                                     CINDY
                         I found a picture of his wife.

                                     ALEX
                         Wife?!

               Alex grabs the plates of food and throws them in the trash.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         Let that bitch make you breakfast.

               Cindy passes the picture to Theo.

                                     THEO
                         Wow! She looks just like you...
                         except she doesn't have as many
                         split ends as you and her skin isn't
                         as oily.

               Theo passes the picture to Ray.

                                     RAY
                         Yeah, and sometimes your eyes get
                         all squinty and it looks like you
                         got Down's Syndrome.

               Brenda takes the picture from Ray.

                                     BRENDA
                         Yeah, girl, damn near twins...
                         except she's more sophisticated and
                         classy. You got that cute, trailer
                         park look.

               Brenda shows the picture to Shorty.

                                     SHORTY
                         No doubt... and her tits are
                         perfect, not at all pointy or funny
                         looking. You got them National
                         Geographic orangutan titties.

               Cindy snatches the picture back.

                                     CINDY
                         Okay, I get the point.

                                     THEO
                         So, whatever happened to her?

                                     CINDY
                         She killed herself a week before he
                         died.

                                     ALEX
                         Oh, he was a widower. Why didn't
                         you say that?...
                              (addressing the sky)
                         Don't worry, sweetie, I can whip up
                         a new batch in a flash.

                                     CINDY
                         I think he wants me.

                                     ALEX
                         Ha! Right bitch!

               Everyone looks at Alex.

                                     THEO
                         Cindy, that does sound a little
                         crazy.

               Buddy enters.



                                     BUDDY
                         She's not crazy. I saw the picture,
                         and I'll tell you guys something
                         else, the Professor is up to
                         something. Him and Dwight got a
                         whole lab set up in the basement.
                         We're here for an experiment,
                         alright, but it ain't insomnia. I
                         heard Dwight tell the Professor
                         there's a poltergeist in this house
                         and we could be in danger.

                                     THEO
                         What? I'm getting outta here.

                                     BUDDY
                         We can't leave. The gates are
                         locked and Dwight is the only one
                         with the keys.

                                     THEO
                         Don't worry. Give me five minutes
                         alone with Dwight. I'll get the keys.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BASEMENT -- LATER

               Dwight, working on equipment, is distracted. Theo, standing
               in the doorway, dressed very sexy.

                                     THEO
                         Hello Dwight.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Hi.

               Theo swaggers over to Dwight.

                                     THEO
                         What are you working on?

                                     DWIGHT
                         Just a little experiment.

               Theo rubs his shoulders.

                                     THEO
                         Work, work, work. Is that all that
                         you do?

                                     DWIGHT
                         Well, there's a lot riding on this
                         project.

               Theo straddles Dwight.

                                     THEO
                         The Professor might have everyone
                         else fooled, but I know who the real
                         brains of the operation is.

                                     DWIGHT
                         You do.

                                     THEO
                         That's what turns me on about you,
                         Dwight. You're so smart.

                                     DWIGHT
                         And sexy.

                                     THEO
                         Of course. So sexy.

               She runs her fingers through his hair.

                                     THEO  (CONT'D)
                         Ooh, you hair is so soft and silky.
                         What do you use on it?

                                     DWIGHT
                         Just a little Rogaine.

               Theo notices clumps of Dwight's hair has fallen out into
               her hands. She wipes it on his shirt.

                                     THEO
                         And those sexy eyes.

               She removes Dwight's glasses.

                                     CLOSE ON:
                         Dwight's eyes, both looking in
                         different directions. He has no
                         muscle control.

               Theo quickly puts on his glasses.

                                     THEO
                         What do you say we put on some
                         music?

               Theo turns on the radio.

               She turns to a station.

               SONG ONE "WALK ON BY..."

               She quickly changes the station.

               SONG TWO "WALK THIS WAAAY!..."

               Again, she changes the station.

               SONG THREE "THESE BOOTS WERE MADE FOR WALKING..."

               Theo turns off the radio.

                                     THEO (CONT'D)
                         What do you say we make our own
                         music?

               She kneels in front of Dwight stroking his thighs.

                                     THEO  (CONT'D)
                         You know, Dwight, I hear you're the
                         only one who has the key to the gate.

                                     DWIGHT
                         That's right.

                                     THEO
                         What if I wanted to borrow those
                         keys?

                                     DWIGHT
                         Oh, I couldn't do that.

               Theo unbuttons Dwight's pants.

                                     THEO
                         Sure you can, baby. Look, you help
                         by giving me the keys, and I'll help
                         by giving you...

               She pulls his dick out and is about to give him a blow job.

                                     DWIGHT
                         I don't need your help. I can do it
                         myself.

               Dwight starts sucking his own dick.

               Theo looks on in shock. Dwight is going to town on himself.
               Theo grabs an object and smashes Dwight in the head,
               knocking him out cold. She rifles through his pockets and
               takes the keys.

               She exits.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LIVING ROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

               The group is gathered in the living room. Shorty watches
               TV. Theo rushes back to the group.

                                     THEO
                              (dangling keys)
                         I got 'em.

                                     BUDDY
                         Great! We should leave before it
                         starts to rain.

               Suddenly, lightning and thunder. Rain pours against the
               window.

                                     THEO
                         I say we wait till the rain lets
                         up, then we make a break for it.

               ANGLE ON:

               NEWSCASTER on TV.

                                     NEWSCASTER
                         This just in... Heavy rains will
                         continue to plaque the region for
                         the next two days.

                                     BRENDA
                         We'll just call a taxi.

                                     NEWSCASTER
                         Now, an update on the recent taxi
                         strike. No progress in sight.

                                     CINDY
                         Hey, we can take my car.

                                     NEWSCASTER
                         There's been a major recall on all
                         Japanese made cars. Auto makers warn
                         when exposed to rain the cars
                         explode.

               LOUD BOOM and FIREBALL out window.

                                     RAY
                         Fuck it. We'll hike if we have to.

                                     NEWSCASTER
                         The bodies of six hikers were found
                         today torn to shreds by wild animals.

                                     SHORTY
                         I know, we can build a plane and
                         fly outta here.

                                     NEWSCASTER
                         Now, that's just fucking stupid.

               BUDDY SHUTS OFF THE TV

                                     BUDDY
                         Alright then, we'll just hunker
                         down for tonight. Maybe we'll get a
                         break by morning.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB -- CONTINUOUS

               The Professor enters and finds Dwight with his head in his
               lap.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Dwight, what the hell are you
                         doing? Dwight?

               No answer.

               The professor lifts Dwight's head and sees what he was
               doing.

                                     PROFESSOR  (CONT'D)
                         Now that's a talent. Dwight, wake
                         up.

               Dwight slowly comes to.

                                     DWIGHT
                              (groggy)
                         I can do it myself.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Yeah, I can see that. Later I want
                         you to teach me that trick, but
                         right now we have a job to do.

                                     DWIGHT
                         The keys. She took the keys.

               The Professor notices Buddy on the monitor, unplugging the
               cameras.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Shit. They're onto us. Keep an eye
                         on them. I'll take care of this
                         little shit.

               The Professor exits.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. DINING ROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

               Buddy climbs down off a chair and joins Ray.

                                     BUDDY
                         I think we got the one's up here.

                                     RAY
                         I think it's time we had a little
                         talk with the Professor.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BASEMENT -- MOMENTS LATER

               The Professor exits the lab and heads for the stairs.

               Out of the corner of his eye, he catches sight of a
               beautiful female ghost in flowing white robes. She
               illuminates a brilliant white light.

                                     PROFESSOR
                         Hello?... Have we met?... Hi...

               The ghost lures the Professor down the corridor.

               NEW ANGLE:

               We are in a different section of the hallway.

               The Professor continues to follow the ghost. He has a bit
               of trouble keeping up.

                                     PROFESSOR  (CONT'D)
                              (calling after)
                         Ummmm... Hello?... Umm...

               The Professor follows into yet another area of hallway.

               NEW ANGLE:

               The ghost temps the Professor into a pitch black corridor.

                                     PROFESSOR  (CONT'D)
                         Ummm... Are you Mrs. Hanson?
                              (ALTERNATE)
                         Ummm... Who are you, you gorgeous
                         creature?

               The Professor disappears into the darkness.

               He takes out a lighter to illuminate his way.

                                     PROFESSOR  (CONT'D)
                         Hello?... Hello? Are you hiding?
                              (ALTERNATE)
                         Where are you, sexy pants?

               A horrific look crosses the Professor's face. The beautiful
               spirit morphs into Hugh Kane's Ghost.

               The Professor takes a beat.

                                     PROFESSOR  (CONT'D)
                              (resigned)
                         What the hell? I've done worse.

               The Professor walks into the darkness.

               (REST OF SCENE TO COME)

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. ALEX'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT

               Alex sits in front of her vanity mirror, wearing a sexy
               robe and nightgown. She brushes her hair, humming to herself
               happily, full of anticipation.

               She takes her perfume - "Obsession" - and dabs some on her
               neck, behind her ears, inside her thighs. Then she puts the
               bottle to her mouth and - glug, glug, glug - drinks the
               whole thing down like Gatorade.

               Alex applies hot wax to a waxing strip then to her legs,
               tearing it off. Satisfied her legs are smooth, she does her
               underarm. She then applies a wax-soaked strip between her
               legs then tears it off.

                                     ALEX
                         Ouch!

               She checks the strip to reveal her pussy lips stuck to the
               strip.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         Oops.

               She puts them back between her legs.

               She rises and walks over to the old 19th century-style
               portrait of the supposed ghost, which once hung prominently
               downstairs. It now sits propped up in a corner of her room
               with a shrine set up all around it consisting of candles,
               little "I love you" hearts, and her vibrator.

               Alex walks over to the portrait, regards it lovingly for a
               moment, and then kisses the figure sweetly on the lips. Then
               she works her way down the portrait -- hungrily kissing,
               nibbling, and licking. When she pulls back, seductively, the
               cobwebs, dust and spiders that were clinging to the portrait
               are now all over her face. She doesn't care, she simply
               brushes them aside -- she's in love.

               CLOSE ON:

               RADIO

                                     D.J. (O.S.) (O.S.)
                         This one goes out to that someone
                         special from Alex over at the Hell
                         House. She says that even though you
                         two have only known each other for a
                         short time now, she feels a certain
                         connection to you that she's never
                         felt with any man alive. And even if
                         it doesn't work out between you two,
                         she wants you to know that there
                         will always be a special place for
                         you in the heart. So, Poltergeist,
                         this one's for you.

               Alex climbs into bed and spreads rose petals all around.
               Everything's ready. She sits back and waits.

               While she waits, she puts the time to good use by doing
               some sexual calisthenics. She lies flat on her back, sticks
               her legs in the air, and stretches them wide apart a few
               times.

               One-two-three-, one-two-three.

               Then she gets on all fours and does a few stick
               -your-ass-high-in-the-air stretches. One-two-three.

               Then she does the simulated oral sex gesture, first with
               the right hand, then with the left, making sure her forearms
               are nice and loose. One-two-three, one-two-three.

               A few facial and mouth exercises and she's done.

                                     ALEX
                         Well, I'm going to sleep now. So,
                         if there's some ghostly man out
                         there who wants to take advantage of
                         me, there's probably nothing that I
                         will be able to do about it because
                         I'm really a heavy sleeper! Okay,
                         here I go.

               Alex gets under the covers and pretends to fall asleep.

               A beat and Alex opens her eyes and looks around.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         I'm asleep now. I really am.

               She closes her eyes.

               A count of ten and she sits up.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. DOWNSTAIRS FOYER -- MOMENTS LATER

               Just as the GANG is about to leave the house, a LOUD
               RUMBLE, along with a violent wind, all the doors and windows
               lock.

               Everyone desperately tries to open a door or break a window.

                                     CINDY
                         He won't let us go. He's going to
                         kill us.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Quick, everyone to the lab.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BASEMENT STAIRS -- MOMENTS LATER

               Dwight leads everyone to the basement door. He opens it. A
               long flight of concrete steps.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Those steps look kind of hard. I'm
                         gonna need some help.

               By now, the group is so used to Dwight going down steps,
               they simply give him a push.

               Dwight goes tumbling down the hard steps. The gang running
               behind him.

               Dwight lands hard at the bottom of the steps. The group
               tramples him as they rush by.

                                     DWIGHT  (CONT'D)
                              (heroic)
                         Don't mind me. Save yourselves.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB -- CONTINUOUS

               Everyone assembled inside. Dwight finally catching up, his
               wheels slightly bent and his glasses, a mangled mess.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Quick. Lock the door.

               BUDDY and SHORTY lock the door.

                                     CINDY
                         What are we gonna do?

                                     DWIGHT
                         We have to destroy him.

                                     RAY
                         How we gonna destroy what we can't
                         see?

                                     SHORTY
                         I got it! We shave off our pubic
                         hairs and use the shampoo for ten
                         days. What? Ya'll never had crabs?

               Dwight rolls over to a complex machine with a circle marked
               on the floor in front of it.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Ghosts are just energy fields. We
                         can capture that energy. We can
                         dissipate it! But in order to do
                         that, we've got to get him in here.
                         On that spot.

                                     BUDDY
                         That's great Einstein. How are we
                         gonna do that? There's a powerful
                         force out there ready to render us
                         helpless, tear on our flesh, and
                         penetrate our bodies.

                                     RAY
                         He's right. I should go first.

                                     BRENDA
                         He's so brave.

               Dwight rolls over to a supply cabinet, opens it and starts
               to hand out equipment.

               Dwight is arming the teenagers, giving them each a strange
               looking gun.

                                     DWIGHT
                         These are highly experimental guns
                         that emit a bolt of concentrated
                         energy able to damage ectoplasmic
                         cells, giving it the ability to
                         injure or even destroy a ghost.
                         There is no ammunition. You only get
                         three shots a piece, so use it very
                         wisely.

               Goofing with his gun, shorty fires it at Brenda's butt,
               burning it.

                                     BRENDA
                         Hey!

               Shorty laughs.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Conserve your ammunition!

                                     SHORTY
                         Sorry...right, right...

               Shorty is startled by a cockroach and shoots it.

                                     DWIGHT
                         The only way we're going to track
                         down these ghosts is if we're all
                         wearing one of these...

               Dwight pulls out a DICK PUMP! They all look at him
               crossed.. Dwight realizes what he's holding in his hand.

                                     BUDDY
                         A dick pump?

                                     DWIGHT
                         I mean these!

               Dwight holds up a pair of goggles.

                                     DWIGHT  (CONT'D)
                         These are thermo-goggles.

               The kids are putting on their goggles, trying them out.

                                     DWIGHT  (CONT'D)
                         These can be used to track the
                         ghosts. These goggles work on the
                         principle of body heat. They're so
                         powerful, they'll even show where
                         body fluids of any kind have been
                         recently, even if it been wiped
                         clean.

               The kids look at each other and notice Dwight has goo in
               his face.

                                     DWIGHT (CONT'D)
                         He may be invisible, but we have
                         the advantage of being armed with
                         the most innovative and complex
                         high-tech equipment known to man.

                                     BRENDA
                         How are we gonna stay in touch with
                         one another? Do we have
                         walkie-talkies or something?

                                     DWIGHT
                         No, we have these.

               Dwight brings out several sets of two paper-cups with a
               string attaching the two. The string is only about 10-15
               feet long.

                                     DWIGHT  (CONT'D)
                         All the money was spent on the guns
                         and the goggles.

               He hands them out.

                                     DWIGHT  (CONT'D)
                         Let's get that bastard!

               Alex points her gun at the group.

                                     ALEX
                         No, I won't let you do it.

                                     CINDY
                         Alex, what are you doing?

                                     ALEX
                         Shut up, you slut. You think you
                         can take him from me? Well, over my
                         dead body.

               Alex runs out of the lab. Cindy tries to stop her. Theo
               steps in the way.

                                     THEO
                         Let her go, Cin.

                                     CINDY
                         But he'll kill her!

                                     THEO
                         That means more screen time for us.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Alright, let's split up.

                                     BRENDA
                         Every time some scary shit goes
                         down and we need to stick together,
                         you white folks always say "Let's
                         split up."

                                     THEO
                         She's right. We should stick
                         together.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Alright. Come on, you guys.

               All four of the white people take off, leaving Ray, Shorty
               and Brenda behind.

                                     SHORTY
                         Ain't that some shit?

               Ray, Shorty, and Brenda head off in the other direction.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. SECRET STUDY/FOYER/LIVING ROOM/DINING ROOM --
               CONTINUOUS

               Alex exits the basement, frantically searching for the
               ghost. She runs into the secret study.

                                     ALEX
                         Huey, where are you?

               GHOST POV:

               The ghost, in the foyer, catches sight of Alex and tries to
               hide. Alex sees him and starts for the foyer.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         Huey, Huey, baby, we have to talk!

               To protect himself and do harm to her, the ghost hurls a
               chair at Alex in the foyer.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         Baby?

               He hurls a statue at her.

               Massive boulders come tumbling down the steps in hope of
               crushing her.

               Alex runs into the music room, smashing through a
               television.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         Come on, baby, we can work this out.

               She takes a few steps and trips over the carpet.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         If we just stick together no one
                         can hurt us, love!

               The piano flies up, landing on Alex.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                              (in pain)
                         I think we have to get a little
                         therapy, Hun.

               She crawls from under the piano.

               As Alex heads for the dining room, the door slam shut.
               Immediately, several knives come flying at her. The knives
               form Alex's outline in the door.

               Alex swings the doors open and enters the dining room.

               Almost immediately, she's pulled (by the ghost) across the
               dining room table, eventually landing full force to the
               floor.

               As she lies there, the chandelier drops from the ceiling,
               pinning her down.

               Alex is dying.

               Theo enters.

                                     THEO
                         Oh my god! Alex!

               Theo cradles Alex's head.

                                     ALEX
                         I think I'm dying, Theo... I just
                         want you to know, you're the best
                         friend I've ever had...
                              (she coughs, pained)
                         Do you remember that time we met?

               Theo nods, sadly.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         And remember the time in the sixth
                         grade, at the dance? We wore the
                         same dresses, but that didn't stop
                         us from having the best time ever.

               Theo looks confused.

                                     THEO
                         Um...we--

               Alex coughs some more.

                                     ALEX
                         And remember that trip we took to
                         Africa? That safari was so
                         wonderful. Me, you...best of
                         friends...forever.

                                     THEO
                         Uh, Alex, we've only know each
                         other one day.

                                     ALEX
                         Oh... I guess I'll die now.

                                     THEO
                         Okay...maybe that would be best.

               Alex closes her eyes, seemingly dying. Theo starts to get
               up. Suddenly, Alex opens her eyes...

                                     ALEX
                         Oh, remember that time I got my
                         training bra and you --

                                     THEO
                         Never happened!

               Theo looks at her watch, impatiently.

                                     ALEX
                         Right... well, bye.

               Alex lays her head down and seemingly dies again. Theo
               starts to leave. Alex sits up again.

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         My favorite memory was when we --

                                     THEO
                         Would you die already?!

               Theo looks around and grabs a pillow, finally smothering
               Alex to death.

               Theo slowly gets up, surveying the scene.

                                                   AS SHE EXITS, WE CUT TO:

               INT. DOWNSTAIRS FOYER -- LATER

               THEO AND DWIGHT

                                     DWIGHT
                         You check down here, I'll check
                         upstairs.

               Theo looks confused as Dwight crawls upstairs, dragging his
               wheelchair.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BASEMENT AREA -- MOMENTS LATER

               Shorty, astray from the rest of the group, tries to find
               Ray and Brenda.

                                     SHORTY
                              (loud whisper)
                         Ray! Brenda!

               Shorty takes a breather. He takes a seat and enjoys a blunt.

                                     SHORTY  (CONT'D)
                         Ah! That's what I'm talkin' about.
                         Fuck this ghost hunting shit. I
                         don't know where to look for no
                         ghost.

               Shorty exhales the smoke, REVEALS the ghost sitting next to
               him.

                                     GHOST
                              (menacing)
                         Boo!

               Shorty screams and jumps to his feet.

                                     SHORTY
                         Yo, son, why me? What you want with
                         me?

               Shorty blows out more smoke in an effort to reveal the
               ghost as he bucks away. It works. Another puff and the
               ghost's face appears again.

                                     GHOST
                         Boo!

                                     SHORTY
                         Leave me alone. Stay away from me.

               Shorty continues the process of toking the blunt and
               blowing the smoke.

               Finally, Shorty takes a huge pull, blows the smoke out, and
               the menacing Ghost face appears. Shorty curls in fear.

               The ghost approaches Shorty. It's apparent that Shorty is a
               dead man. The ghost brings his face very close to Shorty's.

                                     GHOST
                              (playfully)
                         Boo.

               The ghost laughs, hysterically, obviously high.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BASEMENT AREA -- CONTINUOUS

               Ray and Brenda.

                                     BRENDA
                         You hear that? She notices Shorty
                         is gone.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                         Where's Shorty?

                                     RAY
                         I don't know. He was right behind
                         us. Wait here. I'll be right back.

               INT. BASEMENT AREA -- CONTINUOUS

               Shorty and the ghost are joking it up.

                                     SHORTY
                              (singing)
                         THERE'S SOMETHING STRANGE IN YOUR
                         HOOD...

                                     GHOST
                         WHO YOU GONNA CALL?

                                     SHORTY/GHOST
                         GHOSTBUSTERS!!

                                     SHORTY
                         Hey, shotgun.

               Shorty blows smoke in the ghost's face. They inhale. It
               appears that Shorty has inhaled the ghost.

               A count of two. Shorty exhales, blowing the ghost out.

                                     GHOST
                         That was awesome.

               The ghost runs straight at the wall, and goes through it.
               He peeks his head through.

                                     GHOST  (CONT'D)
                         You try.

               Shorty takes a hit off the blunt then charges at the wall.

               SLAM!!! Shorty knocks himself unconscious.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BASEMENT FURNACE ROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

               Cindy and Buddy enter the furnace room.

                                     BUDDY
                         Where the hell are we?

                                     CINDY
                         It looks like the furnace.

                                     BUDDY
                         Let's get outta here.

                                     CINDY
                         Wait, I want to check something.
                         Give me a hand.

               Buddy helps Cindy open the large furnace door.

               CLOSE ON:

               The inside of the furnace. Black ashes is all that can be
               seen.

               Cindy picks up an iron poker and pokes around the ash.

                                     BUDDY
                         What are you doing?

               Cindy sees something. She stops.

                                     CINDY
                         I found Hugh Kane's wife's diary.
                         It said Hanson the caretaker died in
                         the furnace.

               Cindy clears away the ashes to REVEAL a human skeleton.

                                     BUDDY
                         Well, if that's Hanson, then who's
                         the guy with the hand?

                                     CINDY
                         Hugh Kane.

               Suddenly, the skeleton comes to life. It rises from the
               ashes.

               Buddy and Cindy run. The skeleton follows.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Let's split up and meet at the
                         other end.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BASEMENT AREA -- CONTINUOUS

               CLOSE ON:

               Brenda. She hears someone yelling.

               Brenda peeks around the corner. She sees Cindy running
               towards her. Cindy is screaming for help. Brenda ducks
               behind the wall.

                                     CINDY
                         Help!

                                     BRENDA
                         Now, why that bitch gotta bring
                         that shit this way? I hope she
                         didn't see me.

               Brenda peeks around the corner. Cindy trips and falls. The
               skeleton gets closer.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                         Good! I hope that shit kills her
                         and just leaves. God is looking out
                         for me.

               Cindy is back to her feet and hauling ass. Brenda ducks
               back behind the wall. She is now nervous and shaking. The
               screams get closer. Brenda begins to pray.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                         Lord, if I die, I'm going to fuck
                         this bitch up for getting me
                         involved.

               Cindy rounds the corner to discover the dead end.

                                     CINDY
                         Oh my God! We're dead!

                                     BRENDA
                         It would've just been you, if you
                         would've kept your mouth shut.

               They hear the footsteps getting close.

                                     CINDY
                         It's coming!

                                     BRENDA
                         What ?! What is it, a monster?!

               The skeleton turns the corner. Cindy sees him first.

                                     CINDY
                         Aahhh! There it is!!!

               Brenda turns and sees the skeleton. Her fear subsides.

                                     BRENDA
                         Aw, shit girl. This what you're
                         running from? He ain't nothing but a
                         skeleton. His skinny little ass
                         can't hurt anybody.

               Brenda just stands her ground. This skeleton runs up and
               grabs Brenda by the arm. Brenda makes a face as if she's not
               very impressed.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                         What? ...this ain't shit.

               With the skeleton still gripping her arm, Brenda raises her
               arm, effortlessly lifting the skeleton off the ground. It
               hangs there, looking worried and looking down at it's feet
               dangling.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                              (to Cindy)
                         It's just a bunch of old bones. No
                         muscle, no strength. He hardly even
                         weighs anything.

               She flicks the skeleton off her arm. It hits the ground.
               Dazed, it gets back on it's feet. Brenda stomps her feet and
               moves like she's going to jump at it. The skeleton cowers,
               throwing up its arms and looking scared.

                                     BRENDA  (CONT'D)
                         What you gonna do?

               As the skeleton tries to run, Brenda plucks off its head.
               Cindy smiles, realizing the skeleton poses no threat.

                                     Skeleton Head
                         Hey, give it back.

               Brenda and Cindy play Keep-Away with the skull. The
               skeleton's headless body running back and forth between
               them, arms flailing, trying desperately to get its head back.

               Finally, Cindy catches the skull, moves aside and sticks
               her leg out, tripping the body. It tumbles to the wall and
               lies there.

               Brenda reaches down and grabs the bottom section of the
               skeleton's spine, destabilizing the body.  Like a house of
               cards, all of the bones crash down into a heap.

               Brenda holds a bone to her head.

                                     BRENDA
                         Hey, look, I'm Wilma Flintstone.

                                     CINDY
                         Hey, I have an idea...

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BASEMENT AREA -- FEW MOMENTS LATER

               The skeleton is put back together, but completely messed
               up. It's hopping on one hand, it's head stuck on its tail
               bone, one leg sticking balanced on top of the rib cage, etc.

                                     BRENDA
                         Go on, get out of here.

               The skeleton goes hopping along the hallway, humiliated.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BASEMENT HALLWAY -- LATER

               Buddy joins Cindy and Brenda.

                                     BUDDY
                         You guys okay?

                                     BRENDA
                         Yeah, it takes more than a bag of
                         bones to scare me.

               Suddenly, Buddy is lifted off his feet, his arms and legs
               swinging wildly.

                                     CINDY
                         Oh my God, the ghost has Buddy!
                         Brenda do something!

                                     BRENDA
                         Okay.

               Brenda takes off running. Cindy watches, confused.

                                     BUDDY
                         Help!

               Cindy fires at the pipes, one burst. The steam REVEALS the
               ghost.

               Cindy has a clean shot. She takes it.

               The ghost is hit. He drops Buddy and flees.

               Buddy falls, bangs his head.

                                     CINDY
                              (rushing to Buddy)
                         Are you okay?

               Buddy checks his head.

                                     BUDDY
                         Yeah, I think I'm bleeding.



                                     CINDY
                         Come on. There's a first aid kit in
                         the lab.

               Cindy helps Buddy to his feet. They head to the lab.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. SECRET STUDY -- LATER

               THE FOLLOWING SCENE IS SHOT ENTIRELY FROM THE GHOST'S POV:

               The Ghost enters to see that the room is no longer a mess,
               but has been cleaned with a woman's touch.

               First, he spots a teddy bear sitting in his chair.

               He sees flowers placed around his portrait.

               A vase of roses on his desk.

               There are a pair of woman's panties on the desk lamp. He
               picks them up to inspect them. Disgusted, he throws the
               panties on the floor.

               The ghost then catches sight of a three-layered wedding
               cake set on a table.

               Finally, he sees that Alex has pasted a photo of her face,
               over the face of his beloved Carolyn in her portrait. This
               sends him into a tirade.

               He smashes the vase of flowers to the floor, before doing
               the same to the wedding cake.

               The ghost smashes the mirror.

               Finally, he tears Alex's photo from the painting.

               AS HE BACKS AWAY, WE:

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB -- A FEW MOMENTS LATER

               Cindy is tending to Buddy.



                                     BUDDY
                         Cindy, I've been thinking about
                         this whole friend thing. I never had
                         a friend that cares for me the way
                         you do...I mean, there's Ray, but he
                         cares for me in a different way. You
                         know, bringing me flowers. Running
                         my bath water. And then there's
                         nights I wake up screaming and I
                         look over and Ray's in my bed.
                         Holding me. And seeing that tonight
                         might be our last night together, I
                         was thinking...

                                     CINDY
                         That we should take our friendship
                         a little further?

                                     BUDDY
                         Yes...

                                     CINDY
                         Oh, Buddy, I was thinking the same
                         thing. It might be our last night in
                         this house. And I think we should
                         take full advantage of it.

                                     BUDDY
                              (excited)
                         I was thinking the same thing.

               He pops a mint in his mouth and unbuckles his pants.

                                     CINDY
                              (lost in thought)
                         We should act out our inner most
                         fantasies.

                                     BUDDY
                         Great!!!

                                     CINDY
                         Like, I've always wanted to walk on
                         the moon.

                                     BUDDY
                         Huh?

               Cindy turns around and does a slow motion imitation of an
               astronaut.

                                     CINDY
                         What about you, Buddy?

                                     BUDDY
                         Well, I was hoping to get my balls
                         licked.

               They hear a noise.

                                     CINDY
                         He's here.

                                     BUDDY
                         Shit!

               Cindy gets an idea. She runs in the freezer, and grabs
               several bags of blood.

               Suddenly, she hears a noise.

               Cindy stops and looks around. She sees nothing.

               Cindy begins to open bags of blood and pours them on the
               floor. She empties out all of the blood.

               Suddenly the phone rings. She answers.

                                     CINDY
                         Hello?

               INT. HOSPITAL ROOM -- SAME TIME.

               A DOCTOR is on the phone talking with Cindy. A DYING LITTLE
               BOY lays in the hospital bed with his PARENTS standing over
               him, crying.

                                     DOCTOR
                         Yes, this is Doctor Peterson. I'm
                         calling for Dwight Hartman. He was
                         storing some blood over there for
                         me. It's for a little boy who's in
                         desperate need of a blood
                         transfusion.

                                                               CUT BACK TO:

               INT. LAB -- CONTINUOUS

               Cindy, on phone looks down at all the blood spilled out on
               the floor, shocked.

                                     CINDY
                              (Mexican accent)
                         Dwight Hartman, no live here.

               Cindy slams down the phone.

               She watches the blood carefully, looking for footprints.
               She sees nothing. Behind her, she hears a noise.

               She turns and is slapped hard in the face by the ghost.

               She raises her gun, but the ghost is too quick. He smacks
               it from her hand.

               NEW ANGLE:

               The ghost smacks Cindy, sending her flying into the freezer.

               Cindy falls hard, hitting her head, and dazing her for a
               brief moment.

               Buddy attacks the ghost.

               The ghost is strong and easily punches Buddy around.

               Buddy is thrown into the freezer. He's hurt.

               Cindy gets up and rushes to help Buddy.

               INT. FREEZER -- CONTINUOUS

               Suddenly, the door locks and is bolted shut.

               CLOSE ON:

               The temperature gauge is broken. The temperature begins to
               drop.

               Cindy rushes to the door. Through the window, she sees the
               ghost leave.

                                     BUDDY
                         We gotta call for help.

               Cindy holds up her cup and talks into it.

                                     CINDY
                         Hello? Do you read me? Come in...
                         It's useless. They don't work in
                         here... must be the walls or
                         something.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY -- NIGHT

               Dwight is looking for the ghost. Dwight sees the ghost
               through his goggles. The ghost is playing hide-and-seek with
               Dwight.

                                     DWIGHT
                              (angry)
                         Come on you coward! Show yourself!
                         Fight me like a man.

               Suddenly, Dwight's wheelchair is rammed by another
               wheelchair driven by the ghost.

               Dwight takes off. The ghost follows.

               Dwight and the ghost zigzag down the hallway bumping and
               cutting each other off.

               SLOW-MOTION SHOT:

               The wheels of the two chairs lock together sending them
               into a 360 degree spin.

               Dwight, his hair is flowing.

               Matching shot of the ghost.

               The chair crashes into the banister. It breaks the back of
               Dwight's charm which dangerously hangs over the edge.

               Dwight gains control. As the ghost chair approaches, Dwight
               speeds towards the ghost.

               Just before the chairs pass each other, Dwight leaps out
               and hangs on the side, firing his gun at the ghost.

               The ghost ducks and the shot misses him.

               Dwight is dragged painfully through the hallway smashing
               into open doors, statues, cupboards. Finally, Dwight leaps
               back into the chair.

               Not a moment to soon. The ghost chair whips in front of
               Dwight.

               Dwight thinks fast. He uses a broken table as a ramp. He
               catches some good air.

               Dwight lands, slams on the brakes, sending his chair
               tipping forward. Dwight shows his skills by spinning his
               chair as it balances on the front wheels.

               Dwight and the ghost chair now are at opposite ends of the
               hall.

               The scene plays very dramatic and in SLOW-MOTION. Dwight in
               his wheelchair at one end of the hall and the ghost in his
               wheelchair at the other end. WHITE DOVES begin to flutter
               through the hallway ala a "JOHN WOO" movie.

               One of the doves flies by in slow motion. It plops right on
               his face.

               The tires of Dwight's wheelchair begin spinning and
               squealing, burning rubber and causing smoke to come from the
               tire.

               The ghost's wheelchair tires burn rubber and starts
               barreling toward Dwight at full (wheelchair) speed. Dwight
               starts rolling with all his might toward the ghost in his
               wheelchair. Coming towards each other like the motorcycle
               scene in "MI:2".

               ANGLE ON:

               THE GHOST'S WHEELCHAIR

               It speeds towards Dwight.

               ANGLE ON:

               DWIGHT IN HIS WHEELCHAIR

               He speeds toward the ghost in his chair. Dwight is going so
               fast that his hair is blowing back and bugs start
               splattering up against his face and sunglasses.

               Like two speeding trains, Dwight and the ghost are headed
               right towards one another.

               ANGLE ON:

               DWIGHT'S WHEELCHAIR

               One of his tires blows out. We see that it reads
               "FIRESTONE."

               Dwight still races towards the ghost. Right when they are
               about to collide head on, Dwight leaps up out of his
               wheelchair and the ghost leaps out of his wheelchair.

               The two wheelchairs impact and EXPLODE!!!

               Dwight goes to grab the ghost, but he goes right through it
               and goes crashing out of the window at the end of the
               hallway.

                                     DWIGHT  (CONT'D)
                         Noooo!!!!!

               EXT. HELL HOUSE -- NIGHT

               Dwight, dangling from a statue on the house exterior. He's
               slipping, losing his grip.

               Suddenly, in the window above, appears Hanson. He extends
               his little arm out to Dwight.

                                     HANSON
                         Here. Take my hand.

               CLOSE ON:

               Hanson's nubby little hand.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         Come on. Take it.

               Dwight can't bring himself to touch the little hand. He
               looks at the ground below. It's sure death if he falls.

               Hanson reaches further. We see his fingers as they touch
               Dwight's hand.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Ahhhh!!!

               Dwight lets go and falls to his death.

               INT. FREEZER -- MOMENTS LATER

               Frost has built up on the window. Icicles hang off of our
               hero's.

                                     BUDDY
                              (practically frozen
                              stiff)
                         What are we gonna do? I'm cold. I
                         can't move, I'm so cold.

                                     CINDY
                              (rubbing his legs)
                         Can you feel that?

                                     BUDDY
                         No. Try a little higher.

               Cindy starts rubbing his thighs.

                                     CINDY
                         Feel that?

                                     BUDDY
                              (enjoying it)
                         No. Keep rubbing.

               Cindy starts rubbing harder.

                                     BUDDY  (CONT'D)
                         Better try a little higher.

                                     CINDY
                              (catching on)
                         Now, come on -- you know I'm not
                         ready for that kind of -

                                     BUDDY
                         Cindy, please! It's a matter of
                         life and death. I'm asking you a
                         friend.

                                     CINDY
                         Well... okay...but only as a friend.

               Cindy makes ready to start rubbing Buddy's dick. Buddy
               leans back, getting ready to enjoy it.  He puts his arms
               around his head, but then realizes that this whole thing
               depends on Cindy believing that he can't move his arms, so
               he quickly puts them back where they were before Cindy
               realizes what he's done.

               Cindy is still rubbing Buddy's crotch.

                                     BUDDY
                         I'm coming!

               BUDDY EXPLODES

               Cindy, eyes wide as she looks down. She jumps back just as
               the goo flies towards her.

               CLOSE ON:

               The goo. It freezes in mid-air.

               Cindy knows there's no more time to waste.

               She desperately scrambles for a way out. She tries the
               door, but it's bolted shut. She looks over to see some loose
               nuts and bolts, a wire and a defibrillator. She goes to work
               piecing something together, MacGyver-style.

               Quick cuts of her snapping a wire loose.

               She magnetizes the nuts and bolts.

               She turns on the defibrillator.

               We pull back to reveal Cindy has built with the loose
               scraps a CAT BULLDOZER.

               Cindy helps Buddy out of the freezer.

                                     CINDY
                         You stay here. I've got to warn the
                         others.

               Cindy exits.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BASEMENT HALLWAY -- MOMENTS LATER

                                     CINDY
                              (into her cup)
                         Come in somebody. Can you hear me?

                                     RAY (V.O.) (V.O.)
                         This is Ray. What's up? Where are
                         you?

                                     CINDY
                         The ghost is close. He almost got
                         us. Buddy is hurt.

                                     RAY (V.O.) (V.O.)
                         What's your location? I repeat,
                         what's your location?

                                     CINDY
                         Right behind you.

                                     REVEAL:
                         Cindy standing behind Ray.

                                     RAY
                         Roger that we're on our way over.

               Ray turns to Cindy.

                                     CINDY
                         Where's Shorty?

                                     RAY
                         I don't know. He was right behind
                         me a minute ago.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. KITCHEN -- LATER

               MUSIC: The same gentle piano music as in "Hannibal."

               Cindy walks into the kitchen and sees Shorty seated at he
               table, strapped to a chair. Hanson is nearby, grilling
               something on a portable grill and conversing amiably with
               Shorty.

               Alarmed, Cindy grabs a snow globe.

               ANGLE ON SNOW GLOBE:

               Cindy hides the snow globe behind her back.

                                     HANSON
                         Ah, Cindy. Sit down, dear. Dinner's
                         almost ready.

               Cindy manages a smile and nears the table.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         Oh, and the little weapon you're
                         hiding? Put it on the table.

               Caught, Cindy sheepishly places the snow globe on the table
               and moves to sit.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         Come now, give it up.

               Cindy pulls a heavy little statuette from under her shirt
               and clunks it down next to the snow globe.

               Hanson shakes his head no and gestures for her to come
               clean with what else she has.

               Cindy keeps pulling out more weaponry, tossing it on the
               table.  a bear-trap, a crowbar, a medieval battle axe, a
               crossbow, case of dynamite, and a Star Wars lightsaber,
               which she turns on and tosses onto the pile.

               Cindy sits. Hanson goes back to his cooking.

                                     CINDY
                              (whispering)
                         Shorty, are you alright? Speak to
                         me!

               Shorty is slumped and dazed, drooling on himself. Cindy
               notices some hypodermic needles, chloroform and a rag.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                              (to Hanson)
                         Morphine? chloroform? Horse
                         tranquilizers? You've drugged him!

                                     HANSON
                         No, actually, I found him like
                         this. That's his stuff.

               With growing alarm, Cindy notices a cookbook on the table:
               "Martha Stewart's Easy Brain Recipes", featuring a picture
               of a pleasantly smiling Martha Stewart on the cover, her
               mouth and chin soaked in blood and gore, clutching a chewed
               brain in her hand.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         Sit down and join us, Cindy.

                                     SHORTY
                              (to Cindy)
                         Yeah, I always wanted to watch you
                         eat.

                                     CINDY
                         She'd have to be really pretty and
                         I'd have to be very drunk.

                                     SHORTY
                              (delirious)
                         I'm going to work in Washington,
                         Cindy.

                                     CINDY
                         Are you?

                                     SHORTY
                         That's where my best customers are.
                         Marion Berry, George Bush, the
                         Redskins. I'd like to offer you a
                         job, Cindy. Can you type? Take
                         dictation? Swallow balloons filled
                         with cocaine?

                                     HANSON
                         Now you're being rude, Shorty.

                                     SHORTY
                         Washington is full of cornpone
                         country pussy - just ask Jesse
                         Jackson.

               Hanson puts down his spatula and steps to Shorty.

                                     HANSON
                         Alright! Everyone ready for the
                         main course?

               Hanson pulls off Shorty's sweatband and take a can opener
               to Shorty's head, running it all the way around the crown as
               Cindy looks on in horror.

               Cindy gasps as Hanson lifts off the top of Shorty's head,
               revealing his brain. It's a sad sight. Small and
               underdeveloped, it's surrounded by smoke. Corroded and half
               smoked away. There's a small band-aid on it.

               Hanson puts the top of Shorty's skull on his own head, hair
               and all.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                              (a la Shorty,
                              gesturing with a
                              little hand)
                         Yo son, check this out.

                                     SHORTY
                         Dog, you look hot.

               Hanson grabs a knife and goes to carve the brain.

                                     CINDY
                         Hanson, please.

                                     HANSON
                         Don't worry Cindy, the brain itself
                         feels no pain.

               Hanson cuts into it. The brain screams in fright and
               shrinks away from the knife, compressing itself into a
               corner of Shorty's skull.

               Hanson stabs over and over, the brain gracefully avoiding
               being cut, moving from corner to corner of the skull.  It
               trembles.

               Hanson watches and aims carefully, finally sticking the
               knife into the brain.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         It's such a fascinating organ.

               Hanson points out a section.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         This part here controls
                         intelligence. Watch what happens
                         when I touch it.

               Hanson touches it.

                                     SHORTY
                              (suddenly smart,
                              with a British
                              accent)
                         Salutations, offspring. The fecal
                         matter is infirm. By the by, I do
                         not wish to monopolize the
                         conversation, but I believe I've
                         just figured out the cure for
                         cancer. It's really quite simple--

               Hanson takes his finger off the brain and points out
               another section:

                                     HANSON
                         And this part controls a person's
                         manners.

               Shorty starts to belch and fart uncontrollably, wetting his
               pants.

                                     CINDY
                         Stop touching his brain!

                                     HANSON
                         Um, I'm not touching anything.

                                     SHORTY
                         Sorry, y'all. My bad.

                                     HANSON
                         Shorty, why don't you say grace?

                                     SHORTY
                         Me? Grace? Okay - Dear God -

               Just as Shorty bows his head, the little brain plops out
               onto the table. Hanson picks it up and puts it back in.

                                     SHORTY  (CONT'D)
                         Amen.

               Hanson now carves a little section of the brain.

                                     HANSON
                         This part removes the sense of
                         humor.

                                     SHORTY
                         I am Tom Green, I am Tom Green.
                         Daddy want some sausage, sausage.
                         Daddy want some sausage...

               Hanson drops the piece of brain on the frying pan.

               Cindy looks over and looks at the grill Hanson is using. A
               logo in the side reads: "the George Foreman Brain Grill",
               with a picture of George Foreman's smiling head next to the
               words. The top of George Foreman's head is missing,
               revealing his brain.

               Hanson takes the brain tidbit off the pan -- it has grill
               marks now, and serves it to Shorty.

               Shorty starts hooking up the piece of brain with the hot
               sauce, pepper, salt, "A-1" steak sauce, melted velveta
               cheese, etc...

               Hanson starts scraping the leftovers off the dishes into
               Shorty's head.

               Cindy grabs the snowglobe and goes after Hanson, but Hanson
               grabs her just as it's about to strike and slams her back
               against the refrigerator, getting in her face, locking her
               hair in the door and breaking off the handle.

                                     HANSON
                         Tell me, Cindy. Would you ever tell
                         me "Stop. If you loved me you'd
                         stop."

                                     CINDY
                         Not in a thousand years.

               Hanson leans in and presses a kiss against Cindy's lips.



                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                              (muffled)
                         Stop!-

                                     HANSON
                              (pulling away)
                         Made you say it!

               Suddenly OFF SCREEN we hear handcuffs clicking closed.

               Pull back and reveal that she's handcuffed his small hand
               to her. The handcuff is extremely loose on his hand.

               OFF SCREEN Hanson hears Brenda and Theo approaching.
               Looking around, he grabs a cleaver. Then he slams his and
               Cindy's cuffed hands on the kitchen counter.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         It looks like I'll have to give you
                         something to remember me by...This
                         is really going to hurt.

               Cleaver come down hard.

               CU of Cindy screaming in SLO-MO.

               REVEAL Hanson's crooked penis on the counter, the foreskin
               cut-off.

                                     HANSON  (CONT'D)
                         I've been meaning to do this since
                         my Bar Mitzvah... Here.

               Hanson hands her the piece of foreskin.

               As she stares at in horrified shock, Hanson slips his baby
               hand out of the cuffs, no problem, and runs off.

               Cindy runs after him, hair still caught, dragging the
               refrigerator after her.

               Theo and Brenda arrive.

                                     BRENDA
                         Cindy, what's going on?

                                     CINDY
                         It's Hanson, he's evil. Let's get
                         him!

               The girls free Cindy and they run off. Cindy's hair is
               frozen stiff in the air with a pork chop stuck to it.  They
               leave Shorty behind, passed out at the table.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB -- LATER

               Ray and Buddy are scoping out the area.

               Suddenly, there's a knock at the door.

               As the knob begins to turn, Buddy and Ray take aim.

               The door opens. A very disheveled Dwight, on his hands and
               knees, appears.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Ouch...
                              (ALTERNATE)
                         Mommy...

               Buddy and Ray help Dwight into a chair.

                                     BUDDY
                         Dwight, are you okay?

                                     DWIGHT
                         I can't feel my legs.

                                     RAY
                         You never could feel your legs.

                                     DWIGHT
                         What do you know about it?!...
                         Listen, the ghost is too powerful.
                         The only chance we have is to use
                         this machine.
                              (to Buddy)
                         I need you to go get the others and
                         meet us upstairs.

                                     BUDDY
                         Okay...

               Buddy runs out.

                                     DWIGHT
                              (hesitantly)
                         Alright... I might need your help.

                                     RAY
                         My help?

                                     DWIGHT
                         A little bit... Give me your belt.

                                     RAY
                         I'm not even wearing any drawers.
                         Forget about a belt.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Okay, give me my belt.

               Ray checks Dwight's pants.

                                     RAY
                         You're not wearing a belt.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Alright, go to the belt store...

               AS THEY CONTINUE, WE:

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. BASEMENT HALLWAY --NIGHT

               Cindy, Brenda, and Theo start to lose articles of clothing.

               Cindy removes a pin and lets down her hair.

               MUSIC CUE: INDEPENDENT WOMAN

               REVEAL:

               Our girls now resemble "Charlie's Angels."

               Hanson comes upon a locked gate and cartwheels between it.

               Brenda and Theo brace their hand and help Cindy over the
               gate.

               Cindy leaps over the fence and grabs a chain hanging from
               the ceiling and swings toward the Hanson. She kicks him in
               the chest. He falls to the floor.

               Cindy drops from the chain as Brenda and Brenda climb the
               gate in cat-like fashion.

               Hanson rises to his feet and strikes a defensive pose.

               It's Cindy and Hanson. She takes a running leap and kick at
               Hanson ala Cameron Diaz in "Charlie's Angels." She slowly
               moves through the air at him until Hanson picks up a bat.

               Cindy sees this and begins to back peddle, but it's too
               late. Hanson swings and connects. SWACK!! He beans her in
               the head and she goes flying.

               The girls gather again on the other side in front if a
               fountain and assume the famous "Charlie's's Angels" pose
               with Theo and Brenda holding one leg up as Cindy squats in
               the middle.  Now with the fountain behind them, it appears
               all girls are taking a piss.

               NEW ANGLE:

               The girls are closing in. Hanson knows it.

                                     THEO
                         Brenda!

               Hanson snatches one of Brenda's braids and runs it under
               his nose smelling it like the villain in "Charlie's Angels."

               Brenda, angry, assumes a fierce, expert looking Kung Fu
               pose -- but then breaks into a girlish schoolyard fighting
               technique, arms pin-wheeling, etc.

               Hanson then takes on Theo. She runs to back wall, flips and
               roundhouse kicks him.

               Hanson throws Theo into a wall.

               Her boobs expand and break her fall.

               It's now just Cindy and Hanson. Cindy begins to display
               different Kung Fu fight techniques.

                                     CINDY
                         The Crane style!

               She does CRANE-like fighting moves --

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         The Crouching Tiger style!

               She does TIGER-like fighting moves --

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         The Drunk Monkey!

               Cindy starts stumbling around the room, acting drunk and
               making monkey noises.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         The Mad Cow!

               Cindy frowns, making a mad face and starts "mooing" like a
               cow!

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         The Horny dog!

               Cindy begins humping Hanson's leg wildly. Then she gets
               carried away with her impressions of different animals, a
               deer, a bear, etc. Hanson watches her totally entertained.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         The Camel Toe!

               This move disgusts Hanson.

               Cindy does the "Crouching Tiger" tornado-spin upwards and
               land on a higher level,,,,(JOKE TO COME).

               Cindy finishes her moves and backs-up as Hanson starts to
               short circuit.

               The girls run in and they all watch the ghost starting to
               combust.

               Buddy runs up from the hall to the fence.

                                     BUDDY
                         You gotta get out of there!

               He holds open the gate as the girls run down the hall.

               They give one last look back as Hanson explodes.

               Buddy, Brenda, Cindy and Theo run to the lab.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. LAB -- MOMENTS LATER

               Buddy, Brenda, Cindy and Theo enter to find Ray and Dwight
               there.

                                     DWIGHT
                         There's only one thing left to do.
                         You guys, go upstairs and get the
                         machine ready!

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. MUSIC ROOM/FOYER -- MOMENTS LATER

               The group is gathered. Dwight is strapped to Ray's back.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Someone is going to have to lure
                         him onto the platform.

                                     CINDY
                         I'll go.

                                     BUDDY
                         Cindy, Let me...

                                     CINDY
                         No, Buddy, I'm the one he wants.

                                     BUDDY
                         Actually, I was going to say let me
                         have your computer if you die.

               Cindy moves to the foyer.

                                     DWIGHT
                         Cool, but remember, as soon as he
                         gets on the platform you gotta get
                         out of there.
                              (ALTERNATE:)
                         Nobody wants to go.

                                     CINDY
                         Alright, let's take a vote...

               Rest to come...

               Cindy crosses into the foyer. Buddy, Ray, Dwight, and Theo
               stand in the doorway.

               The machine is gathered at the bottom of the steps. Cindy
               moves about, yelling to the ghost.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Hugh Kane, it's me you want, come
                         get me! I'm not afraid anymore! Show
                         yourself!

               Suddenly, the foyer windows explode. The ghost breaks
               through the window. Coming down the steps, he trips and
               falls. The ghost rises into frame, stepping on the machine.

                                     GHOST
                         Prepare to die!
                              (ALTERNATE LINE:)
                         Now you will be mine forever!

               Cindy stands in the circle.

               Buddy throws the switch.

               A digital read-out... 10...9...8...7...

                                     BUDDY
                         Cindy, get outta there. You'll be
                         killed.
                              (ALTERNATE:)
                         Do something, Dwight!

                                     DWIGHT
                         I can't, she's still on the
                         platform. If I throw the switch
                         she'll die. Ahh! No!!!

                                     RAY
                         I'll get her.

               With no concern for his safety, Ray, still with Dwight
               strapped to his back, bolts towards Cindy.

               CLOSE ON:

               Ray. He's running in dramatic slo-mo.

                                     THEO
                         Why is he running so slow?

               Brenda shrugs.

                                     BRENDA
                         Ray, run faster.

                                     RAY
                         Okay.

               Ray looks back and nods. He breaks outta slo-mo and speeds
               towards Cindy.

               Digital read-out...3...2...  1... Ray tackles Cindy,
               hurling her out of the way just as the machine's energy
               field zaps the ghost.

               Cindy, Ray and Dwight hit the ground with a bone-jarring
               impact.

                                     CINDY
                         Ray, you saved my life. Are you
                         okay?

                                     RAY
                         Yeah, I broke my fall.

               Dwight, all wuzzy, complains.

               The force-field turns on and the ghost is instantly in
               agony. He screams.

               Cindy manages to drag herself to the ghost.

                                     CINDY
                         Don't fight it. Let it go. It's
                         time for you. Rest time. Peace.
                         Carolyn is waiting for you on the
                         other side.

               These words make the ghost relax. His evil expression
               changes.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Yes, go to her. You will be
                         together with her for eternity.

               A brilliant, heavenly light ala the final scene in "GHOST."

               Syrupy music begins to play.

               The ghost smiles. He places his hand against Cindy's as a
               kind of gesture of good-bye.

               Music swells.

               Ghost rises towards the light.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Goodbye, Hugh Kane.

                                     GHOST
                         Take care of yourself, Cindy.

               Suddenly, another ghost appears. It's Alex. Ray, Dwight and
               Cindy turn their heads from the bright light.

                                     ALEX
                         There you are, my love. I've been
                         looking for you. Now we can be
                         together forever.

               The ghost's expression changes to fear. He begins to
               leave...

                                     ALEX  (CONT'D)
                         Don't you float away from me.

                                     GHOST
                         No! No!

                                     ALEX
                         Don't you run from me!... I'm
                         coming my love!

               In a flash, both Alex and the Ghost are sucked into the
               light and disappear.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. FOYER -- MOMENTS LATER

               As the Ghost goes off to his wretched eternal fate with
               Alex in the afterlife, the kids look around at each other.
               Outside the window, dawn is beginning to break. Birds are
               chirping.

                                     RAY
                         We did it, you guys! We made it!

               The gang--Cindy, Brenda, Ray, Buddy, Theo and Dwight--hug.
               Shorty wanders into the room.

                                     SHORTY
                         Hey, y'all! What's going on?

                                     CINDY
                         Shorty! You're alive!! But...what
                         about your head?

                                     SHORTY
                         That turned out to be a good thing!
                         It's gonna make smuggling a whole
                         lot easier. Remember that weed? I'm
                         about to get paid.

               Cindy and Shorty hug.

                                     CINDY
                              (triumphant)
                         Come on, guys Let's get out of here.

               Suddenly, the door opens.  A ray of blinding sunlight
               floods the room. Father McFeely enters with some COPS and
               EMTS.

                                     FATHER MCFEELY
                         I'm afraid we're too late.

               The kids watch, confused, as the priest and the officers
               rush past without acknowledging they're even there. The kids
               look bewildered.

               COP #1 WALKS UP TO COP #2

                                     COP #2
                         I found one in the kitchen.

               COP #3 runs up to Cop #1 and Cop #2, very excited.

                                     COP #3
                         There's ass, blood and guts
                         everywhere!

               Cop #1 gives them the "thumbs up" and walks away without
               saying a word. Cop #3 and Cop #3 walk away. On the back of
               each of their jackets reads "DIRECTOR'S RELATIVE." Then Cop
               #1 walks away revealing the back of his jacket,"JUST AN
               EXTRA."

               Cindy runs up to Father McFeely.

                                     CINDY
                         Father!

                                     MCFEELY
                         My child, you're alive!

                                     CINDY
                         Yes, we made it!

                                     MCFEELY
                         We? What do you mean ...we?

                                     CINDY
                         Me and my friends... You see there
                         was this ghost. He came out of
                         nowhere and....

                                     MCFEELY
                         My child you are the only survivor.

                                     CINDY
                         No, my friends are right here!

               The kids stand in a group behind Cindy, but McFeely looks
               right through them.

                                     MCFEELY
                         I'm sorry.

                                     CINDY
                         Father, I don't understand. Tell me
                         what happened?

                                     MCFEELY
                         Soon, but first I must bless this
                         house.

               McFeely walks off.

               Ray and Dwight, still strapped to each other, watch the
               entire scenario. They look at the others.

                                     RAY
                         You mean to tell me we're dead!

                                     DWIGHT
                         I guess so.

               Ray undoes his belt and Dwight falls of his back. Dwight
               tries to stand up, but even though he's dead, his legs don't
               work.

                                     CINDY
                         Noooooooo!

               Suddenly, a bus (or car) drives through, smashing Cindy.

                                     THE END

               POSTSCRIPT

               Version #5

               INT. DORMROOM -- DAY

               Cindy sits at her desk talking to someone off screen.

                                     CINDY
                         Now that we're out of the house and
                         back at school, I know that
                         everything's going to be okay. I'm
                         doubly lucky that I made it out of
                         the house with you...

               Reveal Cindy is talking to the bird.

                                     BIRD
                         Will you just shut up? Shut the
                         fuck up!

               The PHONE RINGS.

                                     CINDY
                         Hello? Oh hi Dad. Yeah, I'm so
                         happy to be back in college. I love
                         my new roommate, but I have to say I
                         was a little nervous at first
                         because she's so religious.

               Show Megan fucking herself with a crucifix.

                                     MEGAN
                         Let Jesus fuck me!

               Megan's head spins around, then she spews green vomit and
               piss everywhere.

                                     CINDY
                         And I got the cutest little parrot.
                         Birds are such clean animals, he's
                         no trouble at all!

                                     BIRD
                         Uh, what do they put in this
                         birdseed?

               The bird sprays shit out his ass all over her wall.

                                     CINDY
                         Sorry to bother you about this, Dad
                         but I need you to send me some more
                         money.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         For some reason, the college
                         wouldn't accept the cash you sent
                         for my tuition.

               She looks at a stack of 100's that are obviously
               counterfeit smeared ink, "One Hundred Dollars" spelled
               wrong, Ben Franklin in dreadlocks.

               Cindy loads some items into a care package; a copy of "The
               Hurricane," a shank, a zip gun, a file, a carton of
               cigarettes.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Keep checking your mailbox, I'm
                         sending you a care package. Oh, and
                         I'm putting in a little something
                         for your bitch Dwayne.

               She puts an industrial-size bottle of "Ass-troglide" into
               the box.

               There's a knock at the door.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         There's Buddy! Gotta go! Bye Dad!

               Cindy opens the door, and Buddy is waiting there with a
               bunch of flowers. Cindy smiles, then punches him through the
               flowers, in the chest.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Open chest!

               Buddy is sprawled on the floor with the wind knocked out of
               him, flowers everywhere.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Gotta be faster than that, thimble
                         dick!

               CINDY AND BUDDY EXIT.

               Megan keeps spewing and swearing.

                                     REGAN
                         Fuck me! Fuck me!

                                     BIRD
                         Girl, I wouldn't fuck you if I was
                         lying in the desert dying of thirst,
                         with buzzards all around, and your
                         ass was a water fountain.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               INT. DORM HALLWAY -- DAY

               Tommy is pacing up and down the hall, shaking
               uncontrollably. Ray walks up.

                                     RAY
                         Yo' Tommy, what up, man?

                                     TOMMY
                         I'm totally freakin' dude. I keep
                         having these nightmares, then I wake
                         up screaming with these awful back
                         spasms. I can't take it anymore, man.

                                     RAY
                         Aww, man. You just need to chill
                         out. Come on, there's this party
                         tonight it's gonna be fun. Lot's of
                         alcohol and honeys.

                                     TOMMY
                         Alright, but I ain't drinking. and
                         you're gonna have to look after me.

                                     RAY
                         Don't worry, I got your back.

               Ray puts his arm around Tommy and they walk off down the
               hall.

               We see a TATTOO "RAY FUCKED ME." on his back. Ray moves his
               hand and we see another tattoo that says ..."AGAIN!"

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. DORM BUILDING ENTRANCE - A LITTLE LATER

               Buddy and Cindy exit the dorm. Buddy stops Cindy on the
               steps.

                                     BUDDY
                         There's something I really want to
                         share with you.

                                     CINDY
                         There's something I want to share
                         with you too. Here, smell this.

               Cindy swipes her finger under Buddy's nose. Buddy reacts,
               and Cindy runs off.

               EXT. PARK - A LITTLE LATER

               Cindy and Buddy are sitting under a tree together.

                                     BUDDY
                         Cindy, about this whole friendship
                         thing ...

                                     CINDY
                         Yeah, I know, I just love having a
                         guy for a friend.

                                     BUDDY
                         I know, but I've been thinking --

                                     CINDY
                              (interrupting)
                         I know, but I've been thinking --

                                     BUDDY
                         Listen to me I --

                                     CINDY
                              (interrupting)
                         Listen to me I --

                                     BUDDY
                         Look, what I'm trying to say --

                                     CINDY
                              (smiling, fucking
                              with him)
                         Look, what I'm trying to say --

               Buddy slaps Cindy in the back of the head.

                                     BUDDY
                         Stop it! I'm just trying to say I
                         think we should take our friendship
                         to the next level.

                                     CINDY
                         Oh.

                                     BUDDY
                         I don't want to be your friend like
                         this anymore.

                                     CINDY
                         Then what are we going to do?

                                     BUDDY
                         You know, walking on the beach,
                         holding hands, kissing, making
                         love...

                                     CINDY
                         That sounds kinda gay, but since
                         you're a guy, I guess it's okay.

                                     BUDDY
                         Let's get a hot dog.

               They get up and start walking. Buddy sees a bee and
               protects her from it.

                                     BUDDY  (CONT'D)
                         Hey, look out, a bee!

                                     CINDY
                              (charmed)
                         Oh, Buddy, I've never had someone
                         be so protective of me!

                                     BUDDY
                         That's what your man is supposed to
                         do.

                                                                    CUT TO:

               EXT. CAMPUS -- CONTINOUS

               Cindy and Buddy come upon an ICE CREAM VENDOR busy working
               on his cart.

                                     BUDDY
                         Hey, wanna' share a soda?

                                     CINDY
                         Oh, Buddy, that's so romantic.

                                     BUDDY
                         Yeah.
                              (then)
                         Can I borrow five bucks?

               Cindy pulls the cash out of her pocket.

                                     CINDY
                         What should we get?

                                     BUDDY
                         I don't care. You pick.

                                     CINDY
                         Hot dogs.

               The vendor turns to reveal it's Hanson.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         Oh my God! Buddy, what are we going
                         to do?

               No response. Cindy turns to see Buddy sprinting across the
               campus.

                                     CINDY  (CONT'D)
                         It was you...

                                     HANSON
                         Yes, it was me all along. I killed
                         Hugh Kane and his mistress.

                                     CINDY
                         Both of them?

                                     HANSON
                         Didn't I just say that? Fucking
                         listen. Anyway, I did it all for
                         Carolyn. He never appreciated her,
                         but I worshipped that woman and
                         still she rejected me. So, I came
                         back for you. Just like I did for
                         Carolyn.

                                     CINDY
                         This can't be happening?

                                     HANSON
                         Now you'll be mine, Cindy.

               Hanson moves toward Cindy.

                                     CINDY
                         Noooo!!!

                                     HANSON
                         Yes!!!!

               BLAM! Hanson is blindsided by a car which misses Cindy by
               mere inches, but kills him dead.

               INT. CAR -- CONTINUOUS

               SHORTY is driving the car, surprised by the thud.

                                     SHORTY
                         What?

               A girl with a BAG over her head (the ghoul), lifts her head
               up off his lap, revealing a hole in the bag through which
               she was blowing him, as we...

                                                                  FADE OUT.