"NINOTCHKA" Screenplay by Charles Brackett, Billy Wilder And Walter Reisch Story by Melchior Lengyel SHOOTING DRAFT 1939 FADE IN ON: AN ESTABLISHING SHOT OF PARIS IN THE MONTH OF APRIL DISSOLVE TO: THE LUXURIOUS LOBBY OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE CAMERA MOVES to a CLOSE SHOT of the desk. In the background is a revolving door leading to the street. Through the revolving door comes a strangely dressed individual, obviously one who doesn't belong in such surroundings. It is Comrade Buljanoff, a member of the Russian Board of Trade. Despite the spring climate of Paris, he still wears his typical Russian clothes, consisting of a coat with a fur collar, a fur cap, and heavy boots. Buljanoff glances around the lobby, obviously over-whelmed by its magnificence. The Manager, puzzled by Buljanoff's strange appearance, approaches him. MANAGER (politely) Is there anything I can do for you, monsieur? BULJANOFF No, no. He exits toward the street. The Manager returns to his customary duties, when suddenly a second Russian, similarly dressed, pushes his way through the door and gazes around. It is Comrade Iranoff. The Manager, definitely mystified by now, approaches him. MANAGER Yes, monsieur? IRANOFF Just looking around. Iranoff exits. Again the Manager returns to his duties, when suddenly he sees that a third man, dressed in the same fashion, has appeared in the revolving door. It is Comrade Kopalski. Kopalski doesn't leave the revolving door at all but as it turns, drinks in the whole spectacle of the lobby. The Manager is by now dumfounded. STREET IN FRONT OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE A taxi stands at the curb. Buljanoff and Iranoff are waiting beside it, Iranoff holding a suitcase. Kopalski, returning from the hotel, joins the group. KOPALSKI Comrades, why should we lie to each other? It's wonderful. IRANOFF Let's be honest. Have we anything like it in Russia? ALL THREE (agreeing with him) No, no, no. IRANOFF Can you imagine what the beds would be in a hotel like that? KOPALSKI They tell me when you ring once the valet comes in; when you ring twice you get the waiter; and do you know what happens when you ring three times? A maid comes in -- a French maid. IRANOFF (with a gleam in his eye) Comrades, if we ring nine times... let's go in. BULJANOFF (stopping him) Just a minute -- just a minute -- I have nothing against the idea but I still say let's go back to the Hotel Terminus. Moscow made our reservations there, we are on an official mission, and we have no right to change the orders of our superior. IRANOFF Where is your courage, Comrade Buljanoff? KOPALSKI Are you the Buljanoff who fought on the barricades? And now you are afraid to take a room with a bath? BULJANOFF (stepping back into the taxi) I don't want to go to Siberia. Iranoff and Kopalski follow him reluctantly. IRANOFF I don't want to go to the Hotel Terminus. KOPALSKI If Lenin were alive he would say, "Buljanoff, Comrade, for once in your life you're in Paris. Don't be a fool. Go in there and ring three times." IRANOFF He wouldn't say that. What he would say is "Buljanoff, you can't afford to live in a cheap hotel. Doesn't the prestige of the Bolsheviks mean anything to you? Do you want to live in a hotel where you press for the hot water and cold water comes and when you press for the cold water nothing comes out at all? Phooey, Buljanoff!" BULJANOFF (weakening) I still say our place is with the common people, but who am I to contradict Lenin? Let's go in. All three start to leave the taxi, as we DISSOLVE TO: LOBBY -- HOTEL CLARENCE -- AT THE DESK Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski are approaching the Manager, their only suitcase carried by two of them. KOPALSKI Are you the manager? MANAGER (eyeing the three suspiciously) Yes. KOPALSKI Pardon me for introducing Comrade Iranoff, member of the Russian Board of Trade. MANAGER (bowing with strained politeness) Monsieur. IRANOFF This is Comrade Kopalski. MANAGER Monsieur. BULJANOFF I am Comrade Buljanoff. MANAGER Monsieur. BULJANOFF May I ask how much your rooms are? MANAGER (trying to get rid of them) Well, gentlemen, I'm afraid our rates are rather high. BULJANOFF Why should you be afraid? The other two nod their agreement. The Manager has noted the single suitcase. MANAGER (haughtily) I might be able to accommodate you. Is there some more luggage? IRANOFF Oh, yes, but have you a safe here big enough to hold this? MANAGER I'm afraid we have no boxes of that size in our vault, but there is one suite with a private safe... IRANOFF That's even better. MANAGER But, gentlemen, I am afraid... BULJANOFF He's always afraid. The other two exchange a look of agreement again. MANAGER (a little annoyed) I just wanted to explain. The apartment may suit your convenience but I doubt that it will fit your convictions. It's the Royal Suite. The mention of the Royal Suite startles the three. BULJANOFF Royal Suite! (To the manager) Just a minute. The Three Russians take a step away from the manager and go into a huddle. BULJANOFF (in a low voice) Now Comrades, I warn you... if it gets out in Moscow that we stay in the Royal Suite we will get into terrible trouble. IRANOFF (defending his right to a good time) We'll just say we had to take it on account of the safe. That's a perfect excuse. There was no other safe big enough. The other two welcome the suggestion with relish. BULJANOFF AND IRANOFF That's right. Good, very good. Suddenly Buljanoff grows skeptical again. BULJANOFF Of course, we could take out the pieces and distribute them in three or four boxes in the vault and take a small room. That's an idea, isn't it? For a moment all three see their bright plans crumble. Then Iranoff comes to the rescue. IRANOFF Yes, it's an idea, but who says we have to have an idea? Buljanoff and Kopalski see the logic of this and their faces light up. BOTH That's right... that's right. BULJANOFF (turning to the Manager) Give us the Royal Suite. The Manager leads the three toward the elevator. The CAMERA FOLLOWS THEM and NARROWS DOWN to the suitcase carried by two of the Russians. DISSOLVE TO: DARK INTERIOR OF SAFE -- ROYAL SUITE We hear from the outside the turning of a key, the opening of a door, then the turning of the dial, and then we see the safe door open. Through the open door we now see the Royal Suite. The Three Russians are standing in front of the safe. One of them puts the suitcase into it. MEDIUM SHOT -- ROYAL SUITE OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE Shooting from the interior of the room toward the safe. The Three Russians are standing around it. As Buljanoff and Iranoff close the safe door, Kopalski walks out of the shot. The CAMERA STAYS for a few seconds on Buljanoff and Iranoff, then PANS OVER to the center of the room, where a waiter is setting a breakfast table. He is the former Count Rakonin, a Russian exile employed by the Hotel Clarence. Rakonin is looking with great interest toward the safe, and as he does so we hear Kopalski's voice talking into the telephone. KOPALSKI'S VOICE Will you connect me with Mercier... yes, the jeweler... Rakonin pricks up his ears and looks toward the telephone. CLOSE SHOT -- KOPALSKI -- AT TELEPHONE KOPALSKI I want to speak with Monsieur Mercier personally... Hello, Monsieur Mercier? This is Kopalski of the Russian Board of Trade. We arrived this morning... Thank you. CLOSE SHOT -- RAKONIN As he sets the breakfast table, his interest in the telephone conversation increases. KOPALSKI'S VOICE Yes, everything is here. The necklace too. All fourteen pieces... What? No, Monsieur Mercier, the court jewels of the Duchess Swana consisted of fourteen pieces. Why don't you check on that? Naturally, we have all the necessary credentials. As the voice continues, we DISSOLVE TO: SERVICE STAIRCASE -- HOTEL CLARENCE Rakonin hurries down the stairs, buttoning his overcoat around him. He exits through a door to the street. STREET CORNER NEAR THE HOTEL CLARENCE WIPE TO: Rakonin is getting into a taxi. RAKONIN (to taxi driver) Eight Rue de Chalon. WIPE TO: INSERT the House Number "8" above the doorway of a Parisian apartment house. Camera pulls back to medium shot of the whole entrance. Into it is striding a typical Parisian playboy. He is Count Leon d'Algout. ENTRANCE HALL -- SWANA'S APARTMENT The door is being opened by Swana's maid. Leon enters like a man thoroughly at home. MAID Good morning, Count. LEON Good morning. MAID Her Highness is still dressing. LEON (as he walks toward Swana's door) That's all right. LONG SHOT -- SWANA'S ROOM Swana sits at her dressing table in a negligee. Leon enters with the easy air of an old friend. He kisses her lightly. SWANA Hello, Leon! LEON Good morning, Swana. During Swana's long speech he sits down, not paying much attention to her patter, lights a cigarette, and glances through a magazine. SWANA It's really a wretched morning... wretched. I can't get myself right. I wanted to look mellow and I look brittle. My face doesn't compose well... all highlights... how can I dim myself down, Leon? Suggest something. I am so bored with this face. I wish I had someone else's face. Whose face would you have if you had your choice? Oh, well, I guess one gets the face one deserves. LEON Your conversation has one marvelous advantage, Swana. However many questions you ask you never expect an answer. SWANA Don't you find that restful?... Why didn't you come last night? LEON Darling, I was busy looking out for your interests. SWANA Did you win? LEON (enthusiastically) We can forget horse racing, roulette, the stock market... our worries are over! You remember that platinum watch with the diamond numbers? You will be in a position to give it to me. SWANA (with humor) Oh, Leon, you are so good to me. (She kisses him) LEON We can be rich if you say the word. I had dinner with the Guizots last night. SWANA (contemptuously) Those newspaper people? LEON You'd be surprised how many nice people dine with the Guizots. SWANA What a gruesome proof of the power of the press! LEON Now listen, Swana... I sold Monsieur Guizot the idea of publishing your memoirs in the Gazette Parisienne. "The Life and Loves of the Grand Duchess Swana of Russia"! SWANA (protestingly) Oh, Leon! LEON Sweetheart, we won't have to bother about our future if you are willing to raffle off your past! SWANA Was it for this that I refused to endorse Dr. Bertrand's Mouthwash? I could have made a little fortune by saying that the Vincent Vacuum Cleaner was the only vacuum cleaner ever used by the Romanoffs... and now you want them to smear my life's secrets over the front page of a tabloid? LEON I understand how you feel, but there is a limit to everything, particularly pride and dignity. They are willing to pay any price! They have a circulation of two million! SWANA Imagine two million clerks and shop girls peeking into my life for a sou! Think of my lovely life being wrapped around cheese and blood sausages! I can see a big grease spot in the midst of my most intimate moments! Leon knows on which note to play for Swana's benefit. LEON Well, I am the last person to persuade you, but don't do it blindly... if this is your decision, you must be prepared to face the consequences... (With the expression of a man ready to give his all) I will have to go to work. Swana rises and goes over to Leon. His method has been highly successful. SWANA My little Volga boatman! Stop threatening! I don't deserve this. (Embracing him) Are you my little Volga boatman? LEON Now, Swana... SWANA First tell me, are you my little Volga boatman? LEON (anything to stop her) Yes, I'm your little Volga boatman. SWANA (walking back to the dressing table) Well... two million readers... I know exactly what they want. Chapter One: "A Childhood behind Golden Bars. Lovely Little Princess Plays with Rasputin's Beard." Leon sits down next to her, growing enthusiastic. LEON I've got one chapter Guizot thinks is terrific. "Caviar and Blood." Swana escapes over the ice! SWANA A couple of bloodhounds and we have Uncle Tom's Cabin. LEON (thinking of another idea) Darling, this would be wonderful! Just once... weren't you attacked by a Bolshevik? SWANA (straining her memory) Was I? No... not by a Bolshevik! LEON Too bad! Brings our price down ten thousand francs! There is a knock on the door. SWANA Come in. The Maid enters. MAID Count Rakonin asks the privilege of a few words, Your Highness. LEON Count Rakonin? SWANA He's a waiter at the Clarence, poor devil. You know him. LEON Oh, yes. SWANA Tell him I won't be able to see him for a half an hour. MAID The Count says if it could be as soon as possible. It is luncheon time and he is just between courses. The Maid exits. Swana walks toward the door of the living room. LIVING ROOM -- SWANA'S APARTMENT A charming room, which manages to create a little of the atmosphere of Old Russia. Rakonin stands, his overcoat still buttoned about him, waiting nervously. Swana enters, leaving the door ajar. Rakonin approaches her with the respect he would have paid her at the Imperial Court. RAKONIN Your Highness. SWANA How do you do, my friend. RAKONIN Your Highness, forgive this intrusion, but... SWANA What is it, Rakonin? Did you lose your job? RAKONIN No, madame, something of the utmost importance... it concerns your jewels. SWANA My jewels?! RAKONIN I remember one birthday of His Majesty, our beloved Czar... I had the honor of being on guard at the summer palace... I still see you bending before His Majesty... You wore your diadem and a necklace... your face seemed to be lighted by the jewels. SWANA (puzzled) Why do you bring this up after so many years? RAKONIN They are here!... Your jewels!... Here in Paris! SWANA Alexis! Do you know what you are saying? RAKONIN This morning three Soviet agents arrived. I overheard a telephone conversation with Mercier, the jeweler. Your Highness, they are going to sell them! MEDIUM SHOT -- DOOR OF BEDROOM From the door of the bedroom appears Leon, his face alert. LEON Did I hear something about jewels? SWANA Rakonin, bless him, has given me the most amazing news! MEDIUM CLOSE -- SWANA AND RAKONIN Swana goes to the telephone. SWANA (into phone) Balzac 2769... (to Leon) My lawyer... Leon steps to her side, highly interested. RAKONIN I am sorry... I have to leave. SWANA (to Rakonin) Thank you so much, my friend. I will get in touch with you. Count Rakonin leaves. SWANA (into phone) This is the Duchess Swana... I want to speak to Monsieur Cornillon... it's very important... please get him right away... Hello, Monsieur Cornillon? The most incredible thing has happened! My jewels are here in Paris! Three Bolshevik swine are trying to sell them! Yes... yes... we must act immediately!... Call the police... Have them arrested!... Well, then, get an injunction!... But do something, Monsieur Cornillon! (apparently the answer is some objection from Cornillon) ...But they are my jewels! There must be some way of getting them back! LEON (just as nervous as Swana) What does he say? SWANA (to Leon) Shhh! (into phone) ...But how can there be a question?... Are you my lawyer or theirs?... All right, I'll let you know! She hangs up, rises, the legal situation whirling around in her brain. LEON What did he say? SWANA (discouraged) It looks pretty hopeless... there may be a chance... that's all... The French Government has recognized Soviet Russia and he doubts that they will risk a war for my poor sake. He might be able to make up some kind of a case but it would cost money, money, money!... That's all they are interested in -- those lawyers! LEON (taking her in his arms) Darling, calm down. Why do you need a lawyer? Haven't you your little Volga boatman? Swana looks up at him, hope dawning in her eyes, as we INSERT OF THE JEWELS DISSOLVE TO: spread out on a table in the Royal Suite. Camera pulls back to a LONGER SHOT. We see Mercier, the jeweler, examining the jewels with an eyepiece screwed in his eye. Around him stand the Three Russians. Mercier, a middle-aged man of the greatest suavity and elegance, but a shrewd trader none the less, looks up. MERCIER Very good... superb... excellent... it would be foolish to belittle the quality of the merchandise but your terms are impossible. My counteroffer is the absolute maximum. KOPALSKI But, Monsieur Mercier... MERCIER (continuing) Gentlemen, I'll let you in on a little secret... we are only undertaking this deal for the prestige involved, and, quite frankly, we are expecting to take a loss. Iranoff draws Buljanoff aside and whispers in his ear. IRANOFF (whispering) Capitalistic methods... BULJANOFF They accumulate millions by taking loss after loss. The telephone rings. BULJANOFF (answering phone) Hello... this is Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski... Who?... Count d'Algout?... No, no... it must be a mistake... we can't be disturbed. MERCIER (continuing) I assure you no one else could meet the figure named by my syndicate... at least under the present economic conditions. KOPALSKI We can wait. IRANOFF (pompously) Do we give the impression of people who are pressed for money? MERCIER Yes. Gentlemen... let's put our cards face down. Right now there is a Russian commission in New York trying to sell fifteen Rembrandts. There is another in London mortgaging the oil fields in Baku. You need money and you need it quickly. I think my offer is fair and does not even take advantage of your situation. CLOSE-UP -- BULJANOFF, IRANOFF, AND KOPALSKI KOPALSKI (to Mercier) Just a minute. The Three Russians step to one side. IRANOFF (in a low voice) He's cutting our throat... BULJANOFF But what can we do?... We have to accept. KOPALSKI Comrades! Comrades! Don't let's give in so quickly. After all we have to uphold the prestige of Russia. BULJANOFF All right, let's uphold it for another ten minutes. SHOT OF THE WHOLE GROUP There is a knock at the door. Iranoff walks toward it, unlocks it, opens it a little. In the door appears Leon. IRANOFF We don't want to be disturbed. LEON My name is Count d'Algout. I telephoned. IRANOFF If you want to see us you must come later. LEON I just want a word with Monsieur Mercier. IRANOFF But you can't... Leon pushes his way in. He approaches Monsieur Mercier. The Russians get between him and the jewels and during the following scene put them back into the safe. LEON Monsieur Mercier. May I introduce myself? I am Count Leon d'Algout. I think I had the pleasure of meeting you in your beautiful shop. I was admiring a platinum watch with diamond numbers. MERCIER Oh, yes, yes... LEON (glancing at the jewels) Glorious, aren't they? KOPALSKI Now, monsieur, you have no right... LEON (very charmingly) Just a moment. (to Mercier) I hope you haven't closed this deal, Monsieur Mercier. It might bring you into serious difficulties. ALL THREE RUSSIANS Who are you? What do you want? What is this? LEON These jewels are the property of the Duchess Swana of Russia, and were seized illegally by the Soviet Government. I am acting for Her Highness, the Duchess. Here is my power of attorney. He hands it to Mercier, who reads it. IRANOFF (excitedly) You know, Monsieur Mercier, this is all non-sense. KOPALSKI These may have been the jewels of the Duchess Swana, but, like all private property, they were confiscated by the State. LEON We'll leave the problem of their ownership to the French courts. Meanwhile I have filed a petition for an injunction to prohibit you from either selling or removing the jewels. Here is a copy. The Russians take the copy of the injunction, read it flabbergasted. As they do so, Leon turns to Monsieur Mercier. LEON I thought it my duty to warn you. I would hate to see you get in any trouble, monsieur. MERCIER Thank you. (he turns to the Russians) Gentlemen, this introduces a new element into our negotiations. Until this claim is completely settled... KOPALSKI We can call our ambassador. IRANOFF I give you my word! They were confiscated legally! MERCIER Please try to understand my position. I am not with-drawing. My offer stands and as soon as you produce a clear title, approved by the French courts, the deal is settled. Until then, good day. He bows and starts toward the door. Leon accompanies him, opening the door as though he were the host. LEON (intimately) I hope you will forgive me, Monsieur Mercier. MERCIER (in a low voice) On the contrary. I consider myself very lucky. Good day. He bows. LEON (bowing) Good day, monsieur. Mercier leaves. Leon closes the door and turns back into the room to the three outraged Russians. LEON (jauntily) Well, gentlemen... how about a little lunch? IRANOFF Get out of here! LEON Don't look so gloomy, gentlemen. All is not lost. You may have a chance. KOPALSKI (bursting forth) We may have a chance. LEON Yes... a very slim one. I want to be fair. I don't deny that you might make out some kind of a case. KOPALSKI We haven't anything to discuss with you. We'll talk to a lawyer! LEON All right -- go ahead... you talk to the lawyer and I'll talk to the judge! IRANOFF That won't help you! You can't intimidate us! KOPALSKI Soviet Russia will put all its might behind this case. BULJANOFF You think because you represent the former Duchess... LEON The Duchess... BULJANOFF The former Duchess! LEON In any case, gentlemen, a charming, beautiful, exquisite woman. I warn you, if this case comes to trial it will be before a French court, and when the Duchess takes the stand... IRANOFF All right, go ahead, get her on the witness stand! What can she say? LEON But how will she look? The fashions this spring are very becoming to her. Gentlemen, the judge will be French, the jury will be French, everybody in that courtroom will be French. Have you ever seen a French court when a beautiful woman sits on the witness stand and lifts her skirt a little? You sit down and pull up your pants and where will it get you? IRANOFF I suppose you expect us to hand over the jewels? LEON Oh, no, no. I am not a highwayman, I'm just a nuisance. All I'm trying to do is make things as difficult as possible. BULJANOFF Not that we are giving in one inch, but tell us... what is in your mind? LEON Well, gentlemen, how about my proposition? IRANOFF What proposition? LEON I just said let's have a little lunch. (picking up the telephone) Room service. MEDIUM SHOT -- CORRIDOR OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE DISSOLVE TO: shooting toward door leading to the Royal Suite. Two waiters are wheeling in a table on which is a block of ice filled with caviar and a collection of the most delicious hors d'oeuvres. They enter the room. After the door is closed we hear from within loud SOUNDS of approval from Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski. The CAMERA STAYS on the door. After a few seconds a very good-looking cigarette girl enters the room and from within we HEAR even louder SOUNDS of approval. Next a waiter enters carrying champagne and another with glasses on a tray. As they are going into the room, the cigarette girl comes out and runs excitedly down the corridor. Camera pans with her away from the door as she starts down the staircase. MEDIUM SHOT -- DOOR OF THE ROYAL SUITE Some of the waiters come out, others go in, carrying further delicacies. MEDIUM SHOT -- HEAD OF STAIRCASE Up the staircase pants the cigarette girl, followed by two other cigarette girls. Camera pans with them as they rush toward the door of the Royal Suite and enter. From within we HEAR terrific greetings. The CAMERA REMAINS ON THE DOOR as we SLOWLY DISSOLVE INTO EVENING. The electric lights are lit and a band of five Hungarian musicians enters carrying typical Hungarian instruments, including a cimbalom. LONG SHOT -- ROYAL SUITE The orchestra is playing; the Three Russians, very high by now, are dancing with the girls. One of them is wearing the cigarette tray of one of the girls. It is a harmless but loud and hilarious party. Apart from all the hullabaloo sits Leon at the desk, a telegraph blank before him. LEON Hey, Sascha! Serge! Misha! The three come to him, all in the gayest, most agreeable mood. KOPALSKI Yes, Leon... IRANOFF (pawing him) What is it, my boy? LEON About this telegram to Moscow. Why should you bother? I'll write it for you. BULJANOFF Leon... Leonitchka... (he embraces Leon) Why are you so good to us? (he kisses Leon) IRANOFF (kissing Leon too) Leon, my little boy. KOPALSKI (joining them) Oh, Leon, you are so good. LEON (freeing himself as best he can) What's the name of that Commissar on the Board of Trade? IRANOFF Razinin. LEON (writing) Razinin, Board of Trade, Moscow. KOPALSKI You wouldn't like Razinin. BULJANOFF He's a bad man. Sends people to Siberia! IRANOFF We don't like Razinin. BULJANOFF (again pawing Leon) We like you, Leon -- don't we like Leon? The others join him and kiss Leon. IRANOFF AND KOPALSKI Yes, we like Leon... little Leonitchka. This brings on a new frenzy of Russian affection. Leon frees himself and rises. LEON How does this strike you? Commissar Razinin, Board of Trade, Moscow. Unexpected situation here. Duchess Swana in Paris claims jewels, and has already brought injunction against sale or removal. After long and careful study we suggest in the interest of our beloved country a fifty-fifty settlement as best solution. Iranoff, Buljanoff, and Kopalski. KOPALSKI If we say that, Leon... we'll be sent to Siberia! IRANOFF And if we have to go to Siberia... LEON (still looking over the telegram) I'll send you a muff. BULJANOFF Oh, why are you so good to us? IRANOFF AND KOPALSKI Yes, you are so good, Leon. Again they overwhelm Leon with an avalanche of Russian affection. At this moment Rakonin enters with some new bottles of champagne. The Russians immediately leave Leon and direct their affection toward Rakonin, embracing and kissing him. ALL THREE RUSSIANS Comrade waiter, dear waiteritchka!... Why are you so good to us? You good waiter! After Rakonin has turned over the champagne to the Russians, Leon takes him aside. LEON Take this telegram to the telegraph office at once! RAKONIN Yes, monsieur. He leaves the room. CLOSE SHOT -- DOOR LEADING TO CORRIDOR OF HOTEL CLARENCE Rakonin comes out with the telegram. The CAMERA PANS with him as he hurries down the corridor, reading it. The CAMERA NARROWS DOWN on an insert of the telegram as we DISSOLVE TO: TELEGRAPH WIRES OVER A WIDE SWEEP OF COUNTRY DISSOLVE TO: TELEGRAPH WIRES OVER THE ROOFS OF MOSCOW Pan down past the roof of an official building to a CLOSE SHOT of a window. Behind it stands Razinin, reading the telegram. He is a violent, militant Bolshevik. The telegram fills him with rage. As he crumples it, and stares into space, his expression bodes ill for Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski. FADE OUT: MEDIUM SHOT -- UPPER CORRIDOR OF HOTEL CLARENCE FADE IN: shooting toward door of elevator. The elevator comes up and stops, the door opens, and the Three Russians step out. They are very smartly dressed and look like any urbane gentlemen coming from the races. Two of them have racing glasses. As they walk toward the Royal Suite, Lady Lavenham, an elderly English aristocrat, comes out of her room. LADY LAVENHAM Good afternoon, messieurs, mes Comrades. ALL THREE RUSSIANS Good afternoon, Lady Lavenham. KOPALSKI And how is Lord Lavenham? BULJANOFF ...and little Lady Beatrice? LADY LAVENHAM Very well. Did fortune favor you at the races? IRANOFF Comme ci, comme ca. LADY LAVENHAM I understand... nothing to write home about. BULJANOFF (alarmed) Who wants to write home about it? LADY LAVENHAM It's just a saying. How about joining us Saturday night for dinner? We're having a few friends. KOPALSKI Are we free, Buljanoff? BULJANOFF Possibly. IRANOFF We'll manage. LADY LAVENHAM Then let's say at nine. BULJANOFF Black tie or white tie? LADY LAVENHAM Oh, let's make it white. BULJANOFF Certainly! LADY LAVENHAM Au revoir. ALL THREE RUSSIANS Au revoir. As they walk into the Royal Suite, Buljanoff tosses off an urbane comment. BULJANOFF Nice people. ANTEROOM OF ROYAL SUITE As the three enter, the telephone rings. Buljanoff and Kopalski go into the living room. Iranoff answers the telephone. IRANOFF (into telephone) Yes, Leon... (a little bit annoyed) What is it, Leon?... You can't hurry such things... You must give Moscow a little time... There's nothing we can do about it... why don't you drop in later?... Au revoir... He steps into the living room. LIVING ROOM As Iranoff enters Buljanoff rushes toward him. BULJANOFF Misha! Misha! IRANOFF What is it? BULJANOFF A telegram from Moscow! It must have been here all day! KOPALSKI (joining them and reading telegram) Halt negotiations immediately. Envoy extraordinary arrives Thursday six ten with full power. Your authority cancelled herewith. Razinin. IRANOFF It is Thursday! BULJANOFF It's six o'clock already! They rush into the bedroom. KOPALSKI I always said it would be Siberia! DISSOLVE TO: LOBBY -- HOTEL CLARENCE Manager at desk. Iranoff, Buljanoff, and Kopalski rush from the direction of the elevator. Iranoff pauses at the desk. The others go on to the door and wait for him there. IRANOFF (to Manager) A Special Envoy is coming from Moscow. He'll occupy the Royal Suite. Move our things to the smallest room you've got. MANAGER Yes, monsieur. IRANOFF Right away... instantly! From the door Buljanoff and Kopalski call impatiently. BULJANOFF AND KOPALSKI Iranoff! IRANOFF I'm coming! As he starts toward the door, we DISSOLVE TO: PLATFORM -- PARIS RAILROAD STATION The train has already arrived as the Three Russians hurry down the platform. Neither do they know the name of the Envoy Extraordinary, nor his appearance, and they are searching the crowd for some clue. IRANOFF This is a fine thing. Maybe we've missed him already. KOPALSKI How can you find somebody without knowing what he looks like? Iranoff points to a bearded man with a knapsack. IRANOFF That must be the one! BULJANOFF Yes, he looks like a comrade! They follow the man, but just as they are ready to approach him he is greeted by a German Girl. Both raise their hands in the Nazi salute. BEARDED MAN AND GIRL Heil Hitler! As the two embrace, the Three Russians stop in their tracks. KOPALSKI No, that's not him... BULJANOFF Positively not! By now the platform is almost empty. As the Russians in the foreground look around helplessly, we see in the background a woman who obviously is also looking for someone. It is Ninotchka Yakushova, the Envoy Extraordinary. The Russians exchange troubled looks and go toward her. Ninotchka comes forward. As they meet she speaks. NINOTCHKA (to Iranoff) I am looking for Michael Simonovitch Iranoff. IRANOFF I am Michael Simonovitch Iranoff. NINOTCHKA I am Nina Ivanovna Yakushova, Envoy Extraordinary, acting under direct orders of Comrade Commissar Razinin. Present me to your colleagues. They shake hands. Ninotchka's grip is strong as a man's. IRANOFF Comrade Buljanoff... NINOTCHKA Comrade. IRANOFF Comrade Kopalski... NINOTCHKA Comrade. IRANOFF What a charming idea for Moscow to surprise us with a lady comrade. KOPALSKI If we had known we would have greeted you with flowers. NINOTCHKA (sternly) Don't make an issue of my womanhood. We are here for work... all of us. Let's not waste time. Shall we go? The Russians are taken aback. As Ninotchka bends down to lift her two suitcases, Iranoff calls: IRANOFF Porter! A Porter steps up to them. PORTER Here, please... NINOTCHKA What do you want? PORTER May I have your bags, madame? NINOTCHKA Why? KOPALSKI He is a porter. He wants to carry them. NINOTCHKA (to Porter) Why?... Why should you carry other people's bags? PORTER Well... that's my business, madame. NINOTCHKA That's no business... that's a social injustice. PORTER That depends on the tip. KOPALSKI (trying to take Ninotchka's bags) Allow me, Comrade. NINOTCHKA No, thank you. Ninotchka takes both suitcases and walks away with the Three Russians, whose nervousness has increased with every word from the Envoy Extraordinary. BULJANOFF How are things in Moscow? NINOTCHKA Very good. The last mass trials were a great success. There are going to be fewer but better Russians. The hearts of the Three Russians drop to their boots, as we DISSOLVE TO: LOBBY -- HOTEL CLARENCE Ninotchka, followed by the Russians, comes through the lobby, observing every detail of these unfamiliar surroundings. Suddenly she stops. In the showcase of a hat shop in the lobby is displayed a hat of the John-Frederic's type. NINOTCHKA What's that? KOPALSKI It's a hat, Comrade, a woman's hat. Ninotchka shakes her head. NINOTCHKA Tsk, tsk, tsk, how can such a civilization survive which permits women to put things like that on their heads. It won't be long now, Comrades. She walks out of the shot toward the elevator, followed by the Three Russians, as we DISSOLVE TO: ROYAL SUITE Ninotchka enters, followed by the Three Russians, who by now are frightened to death. BULJANOFF This is the apartment we have reserved for you, Comrade Yakushova. I hope you like it. NINOTCHKA (glancing around the tremendous room) Which part of the room is mine? IRANOFF You see... it is a little different here. They don't rent rooms in pieces. We had to take the whole suite. Ninotchka begins to unpack her things and puts her typewriter on the desk. NINOTCHKA How much does this cost? IRANOFF Two thousand francs. NINOTCHKA A week? IRANOFF A day. NINOTCHKA Do you know how much a cow costs, Comrade Iranoff? IRANOFF A cow? NINOTCHKA Two thousand francs. If I stay here a week I will cost the Russian people seven cows. (with an outburst of emotion) Who am I to cost the Russian people seven cows? BULJANOFF We had to take it on account of the safe. IRANOFF For ourselves... we are much happier now since we moved to a little room next to the servants' quarters. Ninotchka takes Lenin's picture from her bags. NINOTCHKA I am ashamed to put the picture of Lenin in a room like this. (she puts the photograph on the desk) Comrades, your telegram was received with great disfavor in Moscow. KOPALSKI We did our best, Comrade. NINOTCHKA I hope so for your sake. (she sits at her desk and starts to type her report) Let us examine the case. What does the lawyer say? BULJANOFF Which lawyer? NINOTCHKA You didn't get legal advice? BULJANOFF We didn't want to get mixed up with lawyers. They are very expensive here. If you just say hello to a lawyer... well, there goes another cow. KOPALSKI We dealt directly with the representative of the Grand Duchess. I am sure if we call him he will give you a very clear picture. NINOTCHKA I will not repeat your mistake. I will have no dealings with the Grand Duchess nor her representative. Ninotchka continues to type. The Three Russians watch her nervously. Each click pounds on their consciences. NINOTCHKA (looking up) Comrade Buljanoff... BULJANOFF Yes, Comrade? NINOTCHKA Do you spell Buljanoff with one or two f's? BULJANOFF (with fright in his voice) With two f's, if you please. Ninotchka goes on with her typing. Suddenly she looks up at Iranoff, who becomes self-conscious and fixes his tie. As he does so he sees that Ninotchka's glance is concentrated on the spats which he was wearing and in his hurry forgot to remove. He knows it is too late to do anything about it except to stand one foot behind the other, as Ninotchka types faster, the clicking of her keys twice as loud. Ninotchka picks up the telephone. NINOTCHKA (into phone) Will you send me some cigarettes, please? (suddenly getting up) Comrades, I am not in a position to pass final judgment but at best you have been careless in your duty to the State. (with utmost gravity) You were entrusted with more than a mere sale of jewelry. Why are we peddling our precious possessions to the world at this time? Our next year's crop is in danger and you know it. Unless we can get foreign currency to buy tractors there will not be enough bread for our people. And you three comrades... KOPALSKI We did it with the best intentions... NINOTCHKA We cannot feed the Russian people on your intentions. Fifty per cent to a so-called Duchess!... Half of every loaf of bread to our enemy! Comrade Kopalski, go at once to our Embassy and get the address of the best lawyer in Paris. KOPALSKI Yes, Comrade. NINOTCHKA You, Comrade Iranoff, go to the Public Library and get me the section of the Civil Code on property. BULJANOFF Is there anything I can do, Comrade? NINOTCHKA You might get me an accurate map of Paris. I want to use my spare time to inspect the public utilities and make a study of all outstanding technical achievements in the city. BULJANOFF Yes, Comrade. The buzzer rings. NINOTCHKA Come in. The three Cigarette Girls enter. CIGARETTE GIRLS (gaily) Hello! Hello! Cigarettes? Ninotchka looks up astonished. Seeing her, the Cigarette Girls freeze. The Russians stand by quietly. NINOTCHKA (looking at the Russians) Comrades, you seem to have been smoking a lot. FADE OUT: MEDIUM SHOT -- LOBBY -- HOTEL CLARENCE -- EVENING FADE IN: shooting past the desk toward the revolving door. The telephone rings and the Desk Clerk answers. DESK CLERK Desk... yes, Monsieur Kopalski... (he writes down the message) ...you are expecting Count d'Algout... uh huh... but he is not to go to the Royal Suite under any circumstances. He should go to your new room, 985? Thank you, monsieur. (he hangs up the receiver) A few seconds later Ninotchka, naturally completely unaware of the telephone conversation, passes by. She carries a map in her hand. DESK CLERK Good evening, madame. NINOTCHKA Good evening. She exits out the door. EXTERIOR, HOTEL CLARENCE Ninotchka emerges, unfolds the map. CLOSE-UP -- MAP OF PARIS in the hands of Ninotchka. The CAMERA ZOOMS down to a CLOSE- UP of the little drawing of the Hotel Clarence on the map. The CAMERA then PANS OVER from the Clarence toward the opposite side of the street, but before we reach the opposite side we see that in the center of the street is a little isle of safety. The CAMERA proceeds PANNING to the opposite side of the square and we DISSOLVE TO: The Real Location Corresponding to That Seen on the Map and seen from the same ANGLE. It is evening, and along the street comes Leon on his way to the hotel. The CAMERA PANS with him as he crosses the street. He reaches the isle of safety and there passes Ninotchka, who has come from the other side. They pass on the little isle without noticing each other. Suddenly we hear the whistle of a traffic policeman and both Ninotchka and Leon have to step back to the little isle. CLOSE SHOT -- NINOTCHKA AND LEON on the little isle. Wanting some information Ninotchka turns to him -- completely impersonal. NINOTCHKA You, please. LEON Me? NINOTCHKA Yes. Could you give me some information? LEON Gladly. NINOTCHKA How long do we have to wait here? LEON Well -- until the policeman whistles again. NINOTCHKA At what intervals does he whistle? LEON What? NINOTCHKA How many minutes between the first and second whistle? LEON That's funny. It's interesting. I never gave it a thought before. NINOTCHKA Have you never been caught in a similar situation? LEON Have I? Do you know when I come to think about it it's staggering. If I add it all up I must have spent years waiting for signals. Imagine! An important part of my life wasted between whistles. NINOTCHKA In other words you don't know. LEON No. NINOTCHKA Thank you. LEON You're welcome. Ninotchka gets out her map, starts to unfold it. LEON Can I help you? NINOTCHKA You might hold this for me. LEON Love to. NINOTCHKA (engrossed in her geography) Correct me if I am wrong... We are facing north, aren't we? LEON (bewildered) Facing north... I'd hate to commit myself without my compass... Pardon me... are you an explorer? NINOTCHKA No... I am looking for the Eiffel Tower. LEON Is that thing lost again?... Listen... if you are interested in a view... NINOTCHKA I am interested in the Eiffel Tower from a technical standpoint. LEON Technical... I couldn't help you from that angle. You see, a real Parisian only goes to the top of the tower in moments of despair to jump off. NINOTCHKA How long does it take a man to land? LEON Now, isn't that too bad! The last time I jumped I forgot to clock it! (looks at map) Let me see... Eiffel Tower... Your finger, please. He takes her finger and points to the map with it. NINOTCHKA (skeptically) Why do you need my finger? LEON Bad manners to point with your own... Here... the Eiffel Tower. NINOTCHKA And where are we? LEON (shifting her finger back to the hotel) Here... here we are... here you are and here I am... feel it? NINOTCHKA I am interested only in the shortest distance between these two points. Must you flirt? LEON I don't have to but I find it natural. NINOTCHKA Suppress it. LEON I'll try. Ninotchka starts to fold her map. NINOTCHKA For my own information would you call your approach toward me typical of the local morale? LEON Madame, it is that kind of approach which has made Paris what it is. NINOTCHKA You are very sure of yourself, aren't you? LEON Nothing has occurred recently to shake my confidence. NINOTCHKA I have heard of the arrogant male in capitalistic society. It is having a superior earning power that makes you like that. LEON A Russian! I love Russians! Comrade... I have been fascinated by your Five- Year Plan for the past fifteen years! NINOTCHKA Your type will soon be extinct. She walks away from him coldly. Leon stares after her, fascinated. ENTRANCE -- GROUND FLOOR OF THE EIFFEL TOWER DISSOLVE TO: Camera moves with Ninotchka as she enters. She approaches an Attendant. NINOTCHKA Please... can you tell me the exact width of the foundation on which the piers are resting?... and the depth? ATTENDANT You don't have to worry. The thing is safe. NINOTCHKA I am not afraid... I want to know... Leon, who apparently has taken a taxi and prepared himself otherwise, enters the scene, reading from a book. LEON (reading) The foundation is one hundred and forty-one yards square... (he tips his hat and interjects) I hope you'll forgive me but I thought you'd... NINOTCHKA (interrupting) Go ahead. The CAMERA goes with Ninotchka and Leon as they walk toward the steps. LEON (continuing) Four massive piers of masonry are sunk to a depth of forty-six feet on the side of the Seine, and twenty- nine and one-half feet on the other side. The girders of interlaced iron- work which stay the structure have an inclination of fifty-four degrees... NINOTCHKA That's a strange angle. LEON Yes, very strange. By now they have reached the staircase. They start up. LEON (continuing to read) Ascending to the tower is a staircase consisting of eight hundred and twenty- nine steps... (this disclosure frightens Leon as he realizes the climb ahead of him. He reads on as they walk up) ...and an additional two hundred and fifty-four steps to the very top... (now Leon stops but Ninotchka proceeds on out of the picture. Leon calls after her and reads from his book in a loud voice) There is an elevator included in the price of admission! Ninotchka continues to climb. MEDIUM SHOT -- STAIRS (FROM LEON'S ANGLE) Ninotchka, paying no attention to him, walks up the stairs, two at a time. CLOSE SHOT -- LEON He looks after Ninotchka, then makes up his mind and returns down the stairs. GROUND FLOOR -- EIFFEL TOWER, shooting toward the elevator door. The elevator with several passengers is just about to leave when Leon hurries into it. The door closes and the elevator starts to ascend quickly. DISSOLVE TO: HIGHEST PLATFORM -- EIFFEL TOWER The CAMERA ANGLE includes the elevator door and a beautiful background view of Paris. The elevator door opens and Leon emerges leisurely. He is just about to step to the top of the staircase, when suddenly, to his great amazement, he sees Ninotchka, who stands at the balustrade overlooking Paris. She has climbed the tower faster than he despite the elevator. Dumbfounded, Leon approaches her. Ninotchka turns, very matter-of-fact. NINOTCHKA You gave me some very valuable information. Thank you. LEON (looking at the dazzling view) And thank you for getting me up here. I've never seen this before. Beautiful, isn't it? NINOTCHKA Yes, it is. LEON I'm glad I saw it before becoming extinct. NINOTCHKA Do not misunderstand me. I do not hold your frivolity against you. (she looks him up and down) As basic material you might not be bad, but you are the unfortunate product of a doomed culture. I feel sorry for you. LEON You must admit that this doomed old civilization sparkles... It glitters! Night View of Paris with Its Lights Ablaze, as seen from the Eiffel Tower. NINOTCHKA AND LEON NINOTCHKA I do not deny its beauty, but it is a waste of electricity. LEON What a city! There are the Grands Boulevards... blasted out of the heart of the old streets. The Arc de Triomphe... made to greet Napoleon's army. The Opera! And Montmartre... Montparnasse... La Bohème... and now I'll show you the greatest attraction! (he steps to a telescope and, taking some money from his pocket, drops a coin in the slot) It will cost me a franc but it is worth it. (he adjusts the telescope) The most wonderful spot in all Paris -- unique! Here, look.... (she looks in telescope) What do you see? NINOTCHKA I see a house that looks like any other house. What's remarkable about it? LEON It's not the structure but the spirit which dwells within. There are three rooms and a kitchenette dedicated to hospitality. NINOTCHKA So that is your house? LEON Well, let's say I live in it. Such a pleasant place... all kinds of comfort, easy to reach, close to street car, bus, and subway... NINOTCHKA (straight from the shoulder) Does that mean that you want me to go there? LEON (feeling that he has offended her) Please don't misunderstand me... NINOTCHKA Then you don't want me to go there. LEON (in a pickle) Now I didn't say that either... naturally nothing would please me more. NINOTCHKA (simply) Then why don't we go? (looking at him) You might be an interesting subject of study. LEON I will do my best. They walk toward the elevator as we DISSOLVE TO: INTERIOR, ENTRANCE HALL -- LEON'S APARTMENT In the foreground stands a console on which is a telephone. Gaston, Leon's elderly, dignified butler, is answering the phone. GASTON (into phone) No... Count d'Algout is still out. Yes, as soon as he returns I'll tell him. Yes... I'll tell him Monsieur Buljanoff. He puts down the receiver as Leon opens the door with his key. Ninotchka and Leon enter. Ninotchka, during the following scene, is studying every detail of the apartment with the eye of a technical expert. LEON Good evening, Gaston. GASTON Good evening, Monsieur. NINOTCHKA Is this what you call the "butler"? LEON Yes. NINOTCHKA (takes Gaston's hand) Good evening, comrade. (to Leon) This man is horribly old. You should not make him work. LEON He takes good care of that. NINOTCHKA He looks sad. Do you whip him? LEON No, though the mere thought makes my mouth water. NINOTCHKA (to the completely flabbergasted Gaston) The day will come when you will be free. Go to bed, little father. We want to be alone. Leon opens the door to the living room. Ninotchka enters. Just as he is about to follow her, Gaston addresses him. GASTON (in a low voice) Count d'Algout, there have been several telephone... LEON Go to bed. INTERIOR, LIVING ROOM -- LEON'S APARTMENT Leon enters the room. Closes the door. Ninotchka is examining the room. LEON Well, may I offer you a drink, or how about something to eat? NINOTCHKA Thank you. I've had all the calories necessary for today. Leon feels a little uncertain as to how to approach this creature. NINOTCHKA What do we do now? LEON We take off our hat and coat. (he takes her things) We sit down -- we make ourselves comfortable. We adjust ourselves to the prospect of a most enjoyable evening. We look at each other. We smile. (Ninotchka doesn't respond) Well... we don't smile. How about some music? NINOTCHKA Is that customary? LEON It helps. It has ever since King David wooed Bathsheba with the harp. As I am not so fortunate as to have my harp at hand, I shall turn on the radio. NINOTCHKA (the observer) I should say this room is eighteen by twenty-five. LEON Not too big and not too small. What I'd call the typical room of an average man. Or shall we say a little above average. Now if there are any special aspects you wish to study I have nothing to conceal. Just look around. That's my desk. Those are my books, and here am I. Where shall we begin? NINOTCHKA I will start with you. LEON That's great. I'm thirty-five years old. Just over six feet tall. I weigh a hundred and eighty-two pounds stripped. NINOTCHKA And what is your profession? LEON Keeping my body fit, keeping my mind alert, keeping my landlord appeased. That's a full-time job. NINOTCHKA And what do you do for mankind? LEON For mankind not a thing -- for womankind the record is not quite so bleak. NINOTCHKA You are something we do not have in Russia. LEON Thank you. Thank you. NINOTCHKA That is why I believe in the future of my country. LEON I begin to believe in it myself since I've met you. I still don't know what to make of it. It confuses me, it frightens me a little, but it fascinates me, Ninotchka. NINOTCHKA You pronounce it incorrectly. Ni- notchka. LEON Ni-notchka. NINOTCHKA That is correct. LEON Ninotchka, do you like me just a little bit? NINOTCHKA Your general appearance is not distasteful. LEON Thank you. NINOTCHKA Look at me. The whites of your eyes are clear. Your cornea is excellent. LEON Your cornea is terrific. Tell me -- you're so expert on things -- can it be that I'm falling in love with you? NINOTCHKA You are bringing in wrong values. Love is a romantic designation for a most ordinary biological, or shall we say chemical, process. A lot of nonsense is talked and written about it. LEON Oh, I see. What do you use instead? NINOTCHKA I acknowledge the existence of a natural impulse common to all. LEON What can I possibly do to encourage such an impulse in you? NINOTCHKA You don't have to do a thing. Chemically we are already quite sympathetic. LEON (bewildered, and yet completely intrigued) You're the most improbable creature I've ever met in my life, Ninotchka, Ninotchka... NINOTCHKA You repeat yourself. LEON I'd like to say it a thousand times. NINOTCHKA Don't do it, please. LEON I'm at a loss, Ninotchka. You must forgive me if I appear a little old- fashioned. After all, I'm just a poor bourgeois. NINOTCHKA It's never too late to change. I used to belong to the petty bourgeoisie myself. My father and mother wanted me to stay and work on the farm, but I preferred the bayonet. LEON (bewildered) The bayonet? Did you really? NINOTCHKA I was wounded before Warsaw. LEON Wounded? How? NINOTCHKA I was a sergeant in the Third Cavalry Brigade. Would you like to see my wound? LEON (dumfounded) I'd love to. (she pulls the blouse off her shoulder and shows him her scar) Tsk, tsk, tsk. NINOTCHKA A Polish lancer. I was sixteen. LEON Poor Ninotchka. Poor, poor Ninotchka. NINOTCHKA (readjusting her blouse) Don't pity me. Pity the Polish lancer. After all, I'm alive. More and more puzzled and fascinated, Leon sits down close to her. LEON What kind of a girl are you, anyway? NINOTCHKA Just what you see. A tiny cog in the great wheel of evolution. LEON You're the most adorable cog I ever saw in my life. Ninotchka, Cogitska, let me confess something. Never did I dream I could feel like this toward a sergeant. A clock strikes. LEON Do you hear that? NINOTCHKA It's twelve o'clock. LEON It's midnight. One half of Paris is making love to the other half. Look at the clock. One hand has met the other hand. They kiss. Isn't that wonderful? NINOTCHKA That's the way a clock works. There's nothing wonderful about it. You merely feel you must put yourself in a romantic mood to add to your exhilaration. LEON I can't possibly think of a better reason. NINOTCHKA It's false sentimentality. LEON (trying desperately to make her mood more romantic) You analyze everything out of existence. You analyze me out of existence. I won't let you. Love is not so simple. Ninotchka, Ninotchka, why do doves bill and coo? Why do snails, coldest of all creatures, circle interminably around each other? Why do moths fly hundreds of miles to find their mates? Why do flowers open their petals? Oh, Ninotchka, Ninotchka, surely you feel some slight symptom of the divine passion... a general warmth in the palms of your hands... a strange heaviness in your limbs... a burning of the lips that is not thirst but a thousand times more tantalizing, more exalting, than thirst? He pauses, waiting for the results of his speech. NINOTCHKA You are very talkative. That is too much for Leon. He takes her into his arms and kisses her. LEON Was that talkative? NINOTCHKA No, that was restful. Again. Leon kisses her again. NINOTCHKA Thank you. LEON Oh, my barbaric Ninotchka. My impossible, unromantic, statistical... The telephone rings. LEON (continuing) Glorious, analytical... NINOTCHKA The telephone is ringing. LEON Oh, let it ring. NINOTCHKA But one of your friends may be in need of you. You must answer. Leon exits out of shot to answer telephone. CLOSE SHOT -- AT DESK Leon enters, sits down, takes the telephone. LEON (into phone) Hello?... Yes... I'm sorry but I couldn't make it. I ran into a friend from the army... What?... The deal is off! Are you crazy, Buljanoff?... CLOSE-UP -- NINOTCHKA She is startled by the name. LEON -- AT TELEPHONE LEON ...A special envoy arrived... What?... That sounds better. I'll be glad to see her any time she wants... Oh, she doesn't want to see me? What do you know about that? Why?... Well, I'll get in touch with her myself. What's her name?... (he takes a pencil and a piece of paper) ...What?... Yaku... How do you spell it?... Heavens! those Russian names! (he starts to write it down) ...I... Oh, Y... Camera pulls back and Ninotchka enters the shot. She takes pencil from Leon's hand, writes out the name, and leaves again. At first Leon is not aware of the full significance of her action. Then it dawns on him. LEON (continuing) Yakushova... Ninotch... At last the situation is entirely clear to him. LEON (into phone) All right. Thank you. He hangs up and stares at Ninotchka. She is putting on her jacket. LEON (camera panning with him as he walks over to her) Ninotchka... He takes her arm. NINOTCHKA I must go. LEON Ninotchka, or shall I say Special Envoy Yakushova... NINOTCHKA Let's forget that we ever met. LEON I have a better suggestion. Let's forget that the telephone ever rang. I never heard that you are Yakushova... you are Ninotchka... my Ninotchka... NINOTCHKA (firmly) I was sent here by my country to fight you. LEON All right, fight me, fight me as much as you want, but fight me tomorrow morning! There's nothing sweeter than sharing a secret with a bitter enemy. NINOTCHKA (uncompromisingly) As a representative of Moscow... LEON Tonight let's not represent anybody but ourselves. NINOTCHKA It is out of the question. If you wish to approach me... LEON You know I want to... NINOTCHKA Then do it through my lawyer! LEON (desperate) Ninotchka, you can't walk out like this... I'm crazy about you, and I thought I'd made an impression on you. You liked the white of my eye. Ninotchka looks at him for a second, then pulls herself together. NINOTCHKA I must go. She starts for the door. LEON But, Ninotchka, I held you in my arms. You kissed me! NINOTCHKA I kissed the Polish lancer too... before he died. As she goes out, we FADE OUT: THE ENTRANCE HALL -- LEON'S APARTMENT FADE IN: (Note: We have to invent some brief scene to indicate that three days have gone by. From this we) DISSOLVE TO: The butler opens the door. Swana enters, her manner showing her complete familiarity with the place. GASTON Good morning, Your Highness. SWANA Good morning, Gaston. GASTON Count d'Algout is still asleep. SWANA (as she walks toward Leon's room) That's all right. LEON'S BEDROOM The curtains are drawn. The night light is still on. Leon, a dressing gown over his pajamas, is sound asleep in a big arm chair. As Swana enters, she sees him with some alarm. SWANA Leon! What in heaven's name...! LEON Huh? SWANA Is anything wrong? Are you ill? LEON No. SWANA Don't tell me the bed has lost its best friend. LEON I just couldn't sleep. I got up and went back... and then got up again. These last few days... whew! SWANA Darling, you're taking my business affairs far too seriously. Much as I'd love to rob the Bolsheviks of their filthy money, I won't do it at the expense of your health. Particularly as we know we won't get much. (tenderly) You look so pale... pale but interesting. There is a knock at the door. SWANA Come in. Gaston enters with a breakfast tray. GASTON Your breakfast, monsieur. LEON I don't feel like any breakfast. SWANA Nonsense. How can you fight the Reds and make yourself agreeable to the Whites if you don't keep up your strength. GASTON Shall I draw your bath, sir? LEON Make it ice cold. SWANA Not in your condition. (to Gaston) Make it tepid, Gaston... tepid and tender. And lay out his gray suit. (to Leon) Afterwards I'll drive you through the Bois. Slowly... in Waltz time. GASTON A blue shirt, perhaps? SWANA Blue? Let's offset his mood. Find a striped one, and brighten it with a great blaze of tie. GASTON Very well, Your Highness. Gaston disappears into the bath-dressing room. Swana makes Leon sit down and seats herself beside him. SWANA Now... here we have two very handsome soft-boiled eggs. Do you suppose hens mind what happens to their eggs? Probably not. They have such unfeeling eyes. We'll put in a great nugget of butter, plenty of pepper and salt... Darling, I haven't seen you for three livelong days... seventy-two hours! LEON (irritably) Oh, please, Swana! I don't know whether I'm standing on my head or my heels. Here you are blaming me for neglecting you when I'm trying to concentrate on another woman and can't get near her. SWANA You haven't seen her yet? LEON No, and believe me I've tried everything! I must have telephoned her a hundred times. I've sent her telegrams, I've sent her flowers... I asked her to dinner... I offered her seats for the Opera... SWANA That proletarian! In the old days we'd have had her flogged. LEON That wouldn't have done any good. Not with her. (forgetting himself) She's the most incredible creature I've ever seen. SWANA You just told me you hadn't seen her. LEON Well... er... I caught a glimpse of her when she walked through the lobby. SWANA Imagine the carpets of a self- respecting Parisian hotel dirtied by the boots of a muzhik! What does she look like? LEON You can't imagine. SWANA That bad? (Leon nods) Old or young? LEON Timeless. When she comes into a room you'd think that the Bolsheviks had taken over Paris. She wears her cheap miserable blouse as though it were the latest model by Schiaparelli. What a woman! What a woman! There is a Russian snowstorm in each of her eyes. SWANA You saw all that in one glimpse? LEON (getting up) Darling, if we're going to get anywhere someone has to keep his eyes open! (he walks over to the bathroom) SWANA Now, darling, soak in your beautiful pine bath and let Gaston shave you. Leon exits into the bathroom. As he does so a bell rings. SWANA Gaston! There is no answer. After a slight pause she herself goes to answer the bell. DISSOLVE TO: MEDIUM SHOT -- ENTRANCE HALL -- LEON'S APARTMENT, shooting toward the door. Swana goes to the door and opens it. The Three Russians stand outside. Seeing Swana, they are a little intimidated. THE THREE RUSSIANS How do you do? Swana suspects that for the first time she is being confronted by representatives of the Soviet government. SWANA Yes? KOPALSKI We want to talk to Count d'Algout. My name is Kopalski. SWANA Oh... you are the three gentlemen from Moscow? KOPALSKI Yes. SWANA (icily) You may wait. She closes the door. STAIRCASE HALL -- IN FRONT OF LEON'S DOOR The Three Russians, very impressed, stand looking at the door which has just been closed. BULJANOFF That's her. KOPALSKI Imagine! The niece of the Czar opening the door for us. BULJANOFF Once in Petersburg I was driving down the Nevsky Prospect in my cart and Her Highness in her troika swept down from the opposite direction, and when I couldn't make way quick enough she spat in my face. IRANOFF Now look here, Buljanoff. You never were in Petersburg, you never owned a cart, and she never spat in your face. Who are you trying to impress? At this moment the door is opened by Leon in his bathrobe. LEON Hello, boys. ALL THREE RUSSIANS Leon! LEON Come in, come in. They enter. LIVING ROOM -- LEON'S APARTMENT Leon and the Three Russians enter. LEON What's new? KOPALSKI (excitedly) Leon, Leonitchka, she is not going to negotiate! She is going to fight that injunction. She's going to make a precedent of it! IRANOFF She says she won't be intimidated by parasites. She called the Duchess a blood-sucking aristocrat and a blackmailer. LEON (eagerly) What did she say about me? IRANOFF (after a moment's consideration) I think she covered you with the parasites. Leon is disappointed. BULJANOFF And Leonitchka! What she said about us...! IRANOFF And they might believe her in Moscow. BULJANOFF What do you mean they might -- they will! KOPALSKI We don't blame you, Leon, but when we came from Russia we believed in simplicity... IRANOFF We avoided luxury and extravagance and today... well, if you were to offer us a glass of champagne, we wouldn't say no. Leon is so engrossed in his thoughts that he overlooks the hint. LEON Well, boys, I'd like to help you but what can I do? Yesterday I waited six hours in the lobby! KOPALSKI She doesn't leave her room! She has been locked in for the last two days with lawyers and law books! LEON All right, then make an appointment with her so I can see her! KOPALSKI We can't... but you are so ingenious, Leon... IRANOFF You found your way to us and we weren't easy to reach, were we? LEON No, no. BULJANOFF Didn't we put up a strong resistance? LEON Oh, yes, yes. KOPALSKI You must help us, Leon... if you don't win her over we're on our way to Siberia! BULJANOFF Or it might be the firing squad! KOPALSKI Or we can't go back to Russia! An idea dawns on Iranoff. IRANOFF What's wrong with that? Kopalski and Buljanoff seize on the same idea. BULJANOFF Yes! We could stay with Leon! IRANOFF Leon, how would you like to have three lifelong friends? LEON Boys, boys... don't forget Russia is your mother country. Three sons walking out all at once... that's too much for any mother. BULJANOFF Well, if your mother turns against you, you have to look for someone to adopt you. Swana's voice comes from the next room. SWANA Leon! Just a minute... Leon goes back to the other room. LEON'S BEDROOM -- CLOSE SHOT, shooting toward the door of the living room. Swana stands putting on her gloves. SWANA I'm leaving, dear. I'm lunching at Fouquet's if you can make it, and... Leon, remember, a man should think it over twice before he decides to become a mother. She kisses him lightly and walks out. LIVING ROOM -- ROYAL SUITE -- MEDIUM CLOSE SHOT -- AT THE DESK It is piled deep with law books and papers. Ninotchka sits at it, conferring with two Lawyers. FIRST LAWYER (uncertainly) I seem to remember some additional injunctive provision dealing with the property of foreigners residing in France. NINOTCHKA (with the precision of a machine) You are referring to paragraph 59b, section 25f of the Civil Code. The Lawyers exchange a glance of surprise at her knowledge. One of them takes up one of the law books and as he starts to look up the case, Ninotchka speaks. NINOTCHKA Page eight hundred twenty-four. Again the Lawyers exchange a glance of astonishment. NINOTCHKA And do not fail to read the three footnotes. While you are studying it I will eat. (She picks up the telephone) Food please. A LITTLE CORNER IN THE ROOM SERVICE PANTRY Rakonin is answering the telephone. RAKONIN (into phone) Room service... Just a moment please. He beckons to someone out of the scene. Leon enters the scene and takes the telephone. LEON (with an assumed French accent -- into phone) Room service speaking. CLOSE SHOT -- NINOTCHKA -- AT THE PHONE NINOTCHKA (into phone) Send me a plate of raw carrots and beets, beets predominating on a ratio of sixty-forty... What? There is a strike in the kitchen? Good! Will you assure the strikers of my hearty sympathy in their cause. I hope they will not weaken in their demands and tell them to put no dressing whatsoever on my vegetables... What? You won't serve me either? Now look here, Comrade, I think it is a fine idea to let the capitalists go without luncheon but when you keep food away from me you're weakening the people. CLOSE SHOT -- ROOM-SERVICE PANTRY -- LEON AT PHONE LEON (into phone) So! You want to make a strike breaker out of me! I am surprised at you, Comrade! Is it too much for the workers of the world to ask you to walk around the corner for lunch? All I can say to you is take your hammer and sickle and get out of that Royal Suite! He hangs up the telephone with a triumphant smile. DISSOLVE TO: LOBBY OF THE HOTEL CLARENCE Ninotchka emerges from the elevator and starts toward the street. As she passes the showcase of the millinery shop again, she stops and looks at the same hat. Again she shakes her head sadly. NINOTCHKA Tsk, tsk, tsk. She walks toward the street, as we EXTERIOR, HOTEL CLARENCE DISSOLVE TO: A taxi is parked at the curb. Ninotchka comes from the hotel and goes to the taxi. CLOSE SHOT -- NINOTCHKA AND TAXI DRIVER The Driver puts his hand on the handle of his cab's door expectantly. TAXI DRIVER Where to, madame? NINOTCHKA Can you recommend a restaurant? TAXI DRIVER Well, there's Pruniers if you care for seafood. If you want to lunch in the Bois, there's... NINOTCHKA (interrupting) Where do you eat? TAXI DRIVER At Père Mathieu's. NINOTCHKA Where is that? TAXI DRIVER It's just a place for workmen. NINOTCHKA Where is it? TAXI DRIVER Eight blocks down in the Rue de Poivrel. He opens the door of his cab. NINOTCHKA Thank you. She turns and starts away in the direction he has indicated. The Driver looks after her astounded. The CAMERA PANS from her to the car which stands behind the taxi. It is Leon's smart roadster. Leon sits at the wheel. He too is looking after Ninotchka, astonished. He gets out of his car and starts in the direction she has taken. As he does so, we DISSOLVE TO: PARIS STREET -- IN FRONT OF PÈRE MATHIEU'S Père Mathieu's is a workman's restaurant set a few steps below the level of the sidewalk. A few typical French workmen are going in for lunch. Ninotchka enters the scene, looks around for a second, then goes in too. INTERIOR -- PÈRE MATHIEU'S It is a pleasantly simple place crowded with workmen sitting at lunch. An electric piano is playing. Père Mathieu, greeting all his guests like a typical restaurateur, sees Ninotchka enter. PÈRE MATHIEU This way, madame. Are you alone? By the window perhaps? (He leads the way) Or a nice little corner table? NINOTCHKA This will do. (She sits down) PÈRE MATHIEU I think this is the first time you have been to my little place. Your face is new to me. Now, what shall it be? NINOTCHKA Raw carrots and beets. PÈRE MATHIEU (horrified) Oh, madame! This is a restaurant, not a meadow. He hands her a slate on which the menu is written. PÈRE MATHIEU Here is what we are offering today. Please make your choice. I am sure you will find something to tempt your appetite. Suddenly Ninotchka stares in the direction of the door. MEDIUM SHOT -- AT THE DOOR Leon has just entered. The CAMERA follows him as he makes his way casually in Ninotchka's direction affecting not to see her. He seats himself at the table directly opposite Ninotchka and pretends to be overwhelmed with surprise as he sees her. LEON Why, hello! It certainly is a small world! SHOT INCLUDING BOTH TABLES PÈRE MATHIEU (to Ninotchka) Well, madame? Shall we start with soup? Fish soup today. I got up at five to fish them from the Seine. LEON (calling over to Père Mathieu) Crayfish soup for me! PÈRE MATHIEU (to Leon) Very well, monsieur. (back to Ninotchka) Then, may I suggest an omelet with mushrooms? NINOTCHKA Bring me something simple. I never think about food. PÈRE MATHIEU (horrified) But, madame! If you don't think about food what do you think about? NINOTCHKA The future of the common people. PÈRE MATHIEU (sagely) That also is a question of food, madame. I'll bring you a nice little lunch à la Père Mathieu. (he exits) Leon leans toward Ninotchka with mock humility. LEON Pardon me for addressing you but you insulted him, you know that. You hurt his feelings. It was just like telling a musician you don't like music. That good old man believes in food as you believe in Karl Marx. You can't go around hurting people, Comrade Yakushova, but maybe you can make it up to him. Do you know how? (He changes to the chair at his table which is closest to her table) By eating everything with relish, by drinking everything with gusto, by having a good time for the first time in your natural life! NINOTCHKA I don't like your following me. LEON I didn't follow you. NINOTCHKA Then how did you get here? LEON I always eat here. NINOTCHKA This is a place for workmen. LEON (laying it on thick) But my dear child, I am most at home among working men. I hate the places where you circulate -- the Hotel Clarence... This is my natural element. After all, what are any of us? Workingmen! At least, those of us who are worth our salt. Hyah? He waves off scene to a truckman. TRUCKMAN He is in the middle of an enormous gulp of food. He registers surprise, winks at his companion, and then, deciding to humor a drunk, waves back energetically at Leon in greeting. CUT BACK TO: CLOSE SHOT -- LEON AND NINOTCHKA Leon has been so successful with the truckman he tries it on another. LEON Hyah! Another truckman responds with equal exuberance. LONG SHOT -- RESTAURANT Leon, intoxicated with his success, waves to the whole room. LEON Hyah, fellows! He gets a wonderful response from all. They realize that a swell drunk is among them. LEON AND NINOTCHKA LEON (boastfully) They are all my friends. They're a swell bunch! Père Mathieu enters the shot and serves a plate of soup to Leon and one to Ninotchka. LEON (trying his bluff on Père Mathieu) Ah, my friend! I'm happy to see you again! PÈRE MATHIEU I'm always glad to meet a new customer, and I hope this first visit will not be your last. He exits out of shot. Ninotchka, her suspicion confirmed, looks at Leon. LEON Just an old man. His memory is getting weak. NINOTCHKA What are you after? LEON Must one always be after something? NINOTCHKA Your tactics are useless. My name is neither Buljanoff, Iranoff, nor Kopalski. LEON Oh, Ninotchka, who wants to talk business. If you win the suit, fine. If we win the suit, better. You do me an injustice. (He moves over to her table, leaving the soup at his table) When we went to my apartment did I have the slightest idea that you had any connection with this deal? NINOTCHKA But you have now, and I know now that you are a man who employs business methods which in Russia would be punished by death. LEON Death! Death! Always so glum! What about life, Ninotchka! Do Russians never think of life? Of the moment in which we are living? The only moment we really have? Don't take it all so seriously, Ninotchka. Nothing is worth it. Please... relax... I beg you, Sergeant... smile! NINOTCHKA (astonished) What? LEON Will you smile? NINOTCHKA Why? LEON Just smile. NINOTCHKA At what? LEON At anything. At the whole ludicrous spectacle of life. At people being pompous and taking themselves seriously and exaggerating their own importance. If you can't find anything else to laugh at you can laugh at you and me. NINOTCHKA Why? LEON Because we are an odd couple. NINOTCHKA Then you should go back to your table. LEON No, I can't leave you. I won't. Not yet. Not until I've made you laugh... at least once. To get rid of him Ninotchka emits a joyless sound which approximates a laugh. NINOTCHKA Ha! Ha! Now go back. LEON That's not a laugh! I mean a laugh from the heart. Now let's see. I'm going to tell you a funny story. Just a moment... I've got it! Well, it seems there were a couple of Frenchmen who went to America... NINOTCHKA On which boat? LEON (thrown off by her methodical thinking) Well, er... let's drop it. I don't think you would care for that one. NINOTCHKA Probably not. LEON Do you like Scotch stories? NINOTCHKA I have never heard one. LEON Two Scotchmen met on the street... and I don't know the name of the street and it really doesn't matter. Well, anyway, one's name was McIntosh and the other's was McGillicuddy. McIntosh says to McGillicuddy, "Hello, Mr. McGillicuddy," and McGillicuddy says to McIntosh, "Hello, Mr. McIntosh," and then McIntosh says to McGillicuddy, "How is Mrs. McGillicuddy?" and then McGillicuddy says to McIntosh, "How is Mrs. McIntosh?"... NINOTCHKA I wish they had never met. LEON (disarmed) So do I. (after a little pause) Now, here's a great one... Ha! Ha! Ha! (he looks at Ninotchka and her expression stops him) Well, maybe it's not so good. Let's forget it! How's this? Two men are looking at the moon. One says to the other, "Is it true that a lot of people live on the moon?" "Yes, it is," says the other, "five hundred million." "Whew!" replies the first, "they must get pretty crowded when it's half moon!" Ha! Ha! Ha! There is no response from Ninotchka. LEON (starting to get sore) I suppose you don't think that's funny? NINOTCHKA No. LEON It seemed funny to me when I first heard it. Maybe the trouble isn't with the joke. Maybe it's with you! NINOTCHKA I don't think so. LEON Maybe you haven't any sense of humor. Well, I'll give you one more chance! Now listen! He gets up and speaks in a threatening voice audible to the entire room. LEON When I heard this joke for the first time I laughed myself sick. Here goes! A man comes into a restaurant and sits down and says, "Waiter! Get me a cup of coffee without cream." After five minutes the waiter comes back and says, "I'm sorry, sir, we're all out of cream, can it be without milk?" GROUP OF SEVERAL WORKMEN They have overheard the story and all burst into laughter. NINOTCHKA AND LEON Ninotchka continues to eat her soup without a shadow of a laugh. LEON (furious) Not funny, huh? NINOTCHKA No. LEON So you don't think that's funny? It is funny! Everyone else thinks so! Maybe you didn't get it. He sits down again. LEON (threateningly) I'll tell you that joke again. A man comes into a restaurant. Did you get that? NINOTCHKA Yes. LEON He sits down at the table and says to the waiter... Did you get that too? NINOTCHKA Yes. LEON Well, so far it isn't funny, but wait. He says to the waiter, "Waiter! Bring me a cup of coffee." So the waiter comes back five minutes later and says, "I'm sorry, sir, we have no coffee."... (he realizes he has made a mistake) Wait a minute... wait a minute... I'm all mixed up... (he starts over again) A man comes in a restaurant, he sits down, he calls the waiter and he says, "Waiter! Get me a cup of coffee without cream," and five minutes later the waiter comes back and says, "I'm sorry, sir, we have no cream, can it be a glass of milk!" He gets up and goes over to his table furiously. LEON Ah! You have no sense of humor! That settles it! You have no sense of humor! None! No humor!! In his excitement he leans on the shaky table. It topples forward. Simultaneously his feet shoot from under him and he sits violently on the floor, the contents of the table crashing about him, hot soup in his face. A terrific roar of laughter arises; the whole restaurant is rocking with laughter. For a split second Ninotchka makes an effort to control the irresistible impulse to laugh but loses the battle and herself roars with laughter. LEON (indignantly) What's funny about this? Ninotchka's laughter is uncontrollable. After a moment Leon gets up and sits next to her. As he dries himself with his napkin he sees the humor of the situation and starts to howl with laughter too. The ice is broken at last! On their mutual wild hilarity, we FADE OUT: LIVING ROOM -- ROYAL SUITE FADE IN: A conference is in session -- Ninotchka, her two Lawyers, and the Three Russians. Ninotchka sits at the desk, leaning back in the chair, looking into space, and apparently weighing every point which is brought up. One of the lawyers is reading from a document. LAWYER (reading) In addition to the arguments above enumerated for lifting this injunction, we wish to cite the decision of the High Court of Paris, rendered in the case of Princess Marishka against the Government of Montenegro on the fifth day of August, 1897. Comparing the facts in that case with our present set of facts we feel that the Treaty between the Republic of France and the U.S.S.R. should prevail over all... Suddenly Ninotchka laughs. Everyone looks at her astonished. Ninotchka gets up. NINOTCHKA I'm sorry, gentlemen. The other day I heard such a funny story... (she laughs again) It still makes me laugh. It is very funny. (a little embarrassed) I am sorry. Oh yes... about this injunction... LAWYER (very businesslike) The hearing is set for the twentieth of this month. NINOTCHKA (not thinking of the injunction) That's two weeks from Thursday... LAWYER We did our utmost to have it set ahead. NINOTCHKA (her attitude completely different from her former business conferences) I know, gentlemen, but it is in the hands of the Court. We're helpless, aren't we? LAWYER Yes. It is unfortunate. NINOTCHKA Well, there's nothing we can do about it. Why get excited? The Three Russians as well as the Lawyers are puzzled. The Russians exchange hopeful glances. LAWYER We'll leave these papers here for your further consideration. Au revoir, madame. NINOTCHKA Au revoir. The Lawyers leave. Left alone with the Russians, Ninotchka is unable to conceal her happiness entirely. NINOTCHKA Well, it means another two weeks in Paris. IRANOFF (with exaggerated efficiency) Too bad we have to waste all that time. KOPALSKI I acted on your suggestion and got in touch with the Power and Light authorities. Whenever you want to visit their plants they are open to you. NINOTCHKA (a little bit dreamily) Oh yes, Power and Light. Thank you. BULJANOFF There's something else which I know will appeal to you. A visit to the Paris sewers. They tell me it is extremely instructive. NINOTCHKA Huh?... Why don't you get a haircut, Buljanoff? You all look so wintry, Comrades. And why do we always keep the windows closed? (she opens the window) Isn't it amazing, at home there's still snow and ice and here... Look at the birds. I always felt a little hurt that our swallows deserted us in the winter for capitalistic countries. Now I know why. We have the high ideal but they have the climate... well, Comrades, I don't think I need you any more. KOPALSKI If there is anything we can do for you... NINOTCHKA No, not a thing. Would you like to go out? ALL THREE RUSSIANS Thank you, Comrade. NINOTCHKA Have you any money? The Russians stammer a negative answer. Smiling benevolently, Ninotchka goes to the table, takes several bills from her handbag, and goes back, extending a fifty-franc bill to Kopalski. NINOTCHKA Well, here are fifty francs. ALL THREE RUSSIANS (overwhelmed) Thank you, Comrade, thank you. NINOTCHKA Bring me forty-five back. ALL THREE RUSSIANS (terribly disappointed) Naturally, Comrade. The Three Russians leave. Ninotchka waits a moment. Then hurries to the door and turns the key. Camera follows her as she goes into the bedroom. She proceeds to the door leading to the corridor and turns its key. She goes to the table and takes a little key from her handbag, goes to the bureau and unlocks the drawer, opens it, and, just as she is about to take out something, her eye falls on the night table, where she sees the picture of Lenin which she brought with her from Moscow. She walks over to it and turns its face against the wall, then goes back to the bureau and takes from the drawer the very hat which twice aroused her disapproval when it was displayed in the millinery shop in the lobby. She moves over to the large mirror, puts the hat on her head, is uncertain whether it is right side to fore, and changes it. She looks at herself, aghast at seeing a complete stranger. She sits down, still staring in the mirror, then leans forward and rests her chin on her hand. As she sits studying the new Ninotchka suspiciously, we LIVING ROOM -- LEON'S APARTMENT DISSOLVE TO: It is evening. Leon is walking nervously up and down. Gaston is puttering over the drink table. LEON (consulting his watch) What time have you, Gaston? GASTON Eight forty-two, sir. LEON I guess it is eight forty-two. GASTON You seem to be a bit nervous, sir. LEON I am, Gaston. GASTON If you will forgive me, ever since you met that Bolshevik lady I've noticed a distinct change in you, sir. LEON (complacently) Have you? GASTON Decidedly. Yesterday I was greatly amazed when I came from the market and found that you had made your bed, sir. LEON And Gaston, I was happier all day long. I felt I'd contributed something. GASTON Well, sir, if you should do it again, which I hope you won't, please remember the order. Counterpane, blanket, blanket, sheet, sheet. LEON Ah, there's something poetic about the simple processes of labor. Counterpane, blanket, blanket, sheet, sheet... it should be set to music! GASTON May I add, sir, that it was with great amazement that I found a copy of Karl Marx's Capital on your night table. That is a socialistic volume which I refuse to so much as dust, sir. I view with alarm, sir, the influence over you of this Bolshevik lady. LEON I can't follow you, Gaston, isn't it about time that you realized the unfairness of your position? You being my servant? Wouldn't you like to stand on an equal footing with me? GASTON No, sir. LEON Isn't there any revolt in you? Sometimes when I order you around don't you feel like kicking me in the pants? GASTON (emphatically) No, sir. LEON Oh, you're a reactionary! Don't you look forward to the day when you can come in here and stand square on your two feet and say, "Hey, you, d'Algout! from now on it's going to be share and share alike"? GASTON (outraged) Emphatically not, sir. The prospect terrifies me. Now, don't misunderstand me, sir, I don't resent your not paying me for the past two months, but the thought that I should split my bank account with you... that you should take half of my life's savings... that is really too much for me. The door bell rings. Gaston starts for the door. With a gesture Leon stops him. LEON Go to bed, little father, go to bed. Gaston leaves through the other door as Leon exits toward the entrance hall. ENTRANCE HALL -- LEON'S APARTMENT Leon enters the scene. He opens the door. Outside stands Ninotchka wearing her new hat timidly as well as a completely new outfit which she has bought, apparently to match the new hat. It takes Leon a few seconds to digest her new splendor. He takes her hand and leads her in, closing the door. He looks at her again and kisses her hand. NINOTCHKA I don't look too foolish? LEON Foolish? If this dress were to walk down the boulevard all by itself I would follow it from one end of Paris to the other, and when I caught up with it I would say, "Just a moment, you charming little dress, I want you to meet Ninotchka... you two were meant for each other." Ninotchka feels more comfortable. Leon leads her into the living room. LIVING ROOM -- LEON'S APARTMENT They both enter. Ninotchka pauses a second and looks around. LEON You remember this room? NINOTCHKA I've never been here before. I wonder whom you're thinking of. Oh, I know, a girl with a map, figuring out each step, worrying about north and south. Today... now this might shock you... I went up to a taxi and said "Eight Rue du Bois"... and here I am. LEON You see? Life can be so simple. NINOTCHKA For twelve francs, seventy-five. LEON Twelve seventy-five from the Clarence? The son-of-a-gun made a detour!... (charmingly) But he got you here. At this moment the clock starts to strike. They both look toward it. INSERT -- CLOCK The hands register nine o'clock. LEON AND NINOTCHKA Leon wants to take her in his arms. She resists a little. NINOTCHKA (reprimanding him) It's nine o'clock. LEON That's when one half of Paris says to the other half, "What are your plans for this evening, madame?" NINOTCHKA (getting more and more in the spirit of her change of appearance) Well, first I should like to take off my hat and jacket. (Leon takes them) Then could we have some music? LEON A wonderful idea! Radio or records? NINOTCHKA Not radio. Let's have music that's just for ourselves. Leon turns on the victrola. LEON (with great feeling and sincerity) I'll play it softly because I have things to tell you about which I can't shout. He walks back to Ninotchka, who by now is seated in an armchair. He sits on the arm of the chair. He tries to make a declaration of his love. He stammers several words. LEON Well, my darling... I... we... It is no use. In a sudden outburst of emotion he takes her in his arms and kisses her. LEON (as they come out of the kiss) You see I couldn't shout that. NINOTCHKA (with great feeling) Leon, you know the jokes you told me a few days ago? I wake up in the middle of the night and laugh at them. Now, Leon that's wrong. I know they're not funny, they're silly. They're stupid. And still... I laugh... and when I look at Buljanoff and Iranoff and Kopalski I know they are scoundrels and I should hate them -- then I realize who made them like that, and instead of sending my report to Moscow I tear it up and go down and buy a ridiculous hat... and if this keeps on... am I too talkative? LEON (radiantly) No... go on. NINOTCHKA Leon, I want to tell you something which I thought I never would say, which I thought nobody ever should say, because I thought it didn't exist... and, Leon... I can't say it... They kiss again. As the kiss ends they look at each other for a second. Ninotchka gets up and goes toward the desk, sits in the desk chair, opens her handbag, which lies there, and takes from it a little mirror and a lipstick. Before she uses it she looks at Leon with guilty happiness. Leon looks at her with great tenderness and walks over to the desk and stands looking at her as she makes up her lips. LEON What a gesture for a sergeant. As soon as she is finished, Ninotchka slips the mirror and lipstick back into her handbag and, as she does so, glances at the top of the desk. NINOTCHKA Leon, I would like to ask you something. LEON Anything, Ninotchka. NINOTCHKA If you don't want to answer, you needn't. But if you do, you must tell me the truth. LEON I promise... I swear. NINOTCHKA (seriously) Did you make any change in this room? LEON I don't think so. NINOTCHKA When I was here before I noticed a photograph of a woman on the desk in a wide silver frame. I thought what a waste of silver. That's all that interested me then. Now I would like to know... what happened to the woman? Leon too is completely serious by now. For answer he quietly opens the drawer of the desk. Ninotchka looks in and takes from the drawer the photograph. As she looks at it she rises. NINOTCHKA The Duchess. Leon nods gravely. NINOTCHKA (looking at the picture) She is very attractive. She has great elegance. (she looks back at Leon) She's what you call a woman of the world, isn't she? LEON (after a little pause) Ninotchka, I love you. NINOTCHKA I suppose she is very entertaining... It must be lots of fun to be with her, so witty, so glamorous... LEON Ninotchka, you're jealous. Ninotchka nods sadly. NINOTCHKA (with great feeling) Leon, don't ever ask me for a picture of myself... I couldn't bear the thought of being shut up in a drawer... I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stand it. LEON My darling. As he takes her in his arms, we FADE OUT: INTERIOR, SMART NIGHT CLUB FADE IN: Duchess Swana enters with a party consisting of General Savitzky and five other smartly dressed people of the world. The Headwaiter hurries to greet Swana. HEADWAITER Good evening, Your Highness. SWANA Good evening, Louis. You seem to be very crowded tonight. Can you manage a table near the floor? HEADWAITER Certainly, Your Highness, this way please... Count d'Algout made the reservation this afternoon. SWANA (puzzled) Count d'Algout... HEADWAITER It is only a small table but it will be no trouble to put in some extra chairs. Swana has grasped the situation by now. SWANA No, that's another party. In order to save the situation one of the ladies makes a suggestion. LADY Why don't we go some other place? It's so crowded here. SWANA (delighted at her luck) No, no! This is glory! At last I'm going to have a look at that female Bolshevik. Can you give us another table? HEADWAITER Only one in the rear, I'm afraid. SWANA That's perfect! Camera moves with the group as the Headwaiter leads it toward a table. ANOTHER WOMAN GUEST You mean Leon's bringing the Bolshevik you told us about? SWANA Isn't it divine? ANOTHER GUEST I wouldn't have missed this for the world. SWANA (very gay, in anticipation of a triumph) Now, we must be very discreet. If she sucks her soup and drinks out of her finger bowl, I don't want anyone to laugh. (everybody in the party giggles) We must not embarrass little Leon. He is going through enough for my sake. We mustn't add insult to injury By now they have reached the table in the rear. HEADWAITER Is this satisfactory? SWANA Thank you, Louis. They sit down. The Headwaiter bends over General Savitzky, an elderly Russian aristocrat, who sits next to Swana. HEADWAITER Is it to be dinner, monsieur? GENERAL SAVITZKY Possibly later. We'll just start with champagne. SWANA (to the party) I'm only afraid that the doorman may spoil our fun. If only he lets her in! Swana laughs and everyone joins in her laughter. GENERAL SAVITZKY Your Highness... SWANA Yes, General Savitzky? GENERAL SAVITZKY I want you to know all the White Russian exiles in Paris are keeping their fingers crossed about the jewels. They are very interested in the case. Swana suspects her countrymen. SWANA Are they indeed? Thank you. GENERAL SAVITZKY They hope the settlement will bring you a fortune. SWANA General, please... if you hear any rumors that I am a charitable person, will you please kill them at their source? As she is lighting a cigarette a guest suddenly looks toward the entrance and sees Leon. GUEST Look! There's Leon! Joyfully Swana looks toward the entrance, as does everyone else at the table. EVERYONE AT THE TABLE Oh yes! Where? There! Oh! How exciting! CLOSE SHOT -- LEON AT THE ENTRANCE Suddenly, through the door of the cloakroom comes Ninotchka, radiant in a beautiful evening gown. SWANA'S TABLE Swana's expression freezes as she sees Ninotchka. The rest of the guests stare in an embarrassed silence, save for one bird-brained little guest, named Marianne, who feels it her mission to save the situation. MARIANNE Isn't she something? A neighbor nudges her warningly. Swana withers her with a glance and rises. SWANA Shall we dance, General Savitzky? Swana and the General leave for the dance floor. The guest who has nudged her turns to Marianne. GUEST Are you crazy? ANOTHER GUEST How could you make such a remark? THIRD GUEST Swana isn't stupid. MARIANNE What did I say? I just said "isn't she something?" I didn't say something what. CLOSE SHOT -- LEON'S TABLE Leon and Ninotchka are seated and a Waiter stands by them presenting a bottle of champagne to Leon for his approval. LEON (to Waiter) Is it dry? WAITER Yes, monsieur. LEON (to Ninotchka) Is that right or do you prefer it sweet? NINOTCHKA I wouldn't know. The closest I ever came to champagne was in a newsreel. The wife of some president was throwing it at a battleship. LEON It's always good luck to launch something with champagne; a battleship... or an evening. By now the Waiter is filling their glasses. Ninotchka lifts her glass and looks at it. NINOTCHKA It's funny to look back. I was brought up on goat's milk, I had a ration of vodka in the army, and now champagne. LEON (gaily) From goats to grapes. That's drinking in the right direction. Ninotchka takes her first sip of champagne. Leon drinks and watches her. The first sip proves a painful surprise. Ninotchka's face is that of a child who has been fed a bad medicine. NINOTCHKA Ugh... um... oh... (slowly the delight of champagne dawns on her and her face breaks into a smile) It's good. She drinks the whole glass at once. Leon looks at her in amused surprise. He drinks too. The Waiter fills their glasses again. NINOTCHKA From what I read I thought champagne was a strong drink. It's very delicate. Do people ever get drunk on this? LEON There have been cases... but the headache the next morning is worth while -- if you drink it with the right toast. (he raises his glass again fondly) To us, Ninotchka! They clink glasses and drink again, looking at each other. LONG SHOT OF THE TABLE, including part of the dance floor. As Leon and Ninotchka lift their glasses again, Swana and General Savitzky start to dance by the table. Swana stops, pretending complete astonishment. SWANA Hello, Leon! What a surprise! You of all people! How are you, my dear? Leon gets up. Ninotchka watches the scene tensely. LEON (embarrassed) Hello, Swana. How do you do, General Savitzky? GENERAL SAVITZKY How do you do? SWANA (to Leon) You're looking magnificent, Leon... (to General Savitzky) ...isn't he, General Savitzky? GENERAL SAVITZKY Yes. Leon knows that Swana wants to embarrass him but is embarrassed nevertheless. LEON Thank you. SWANA Is this your new dress suit? LEON Yes, Swana. SWANA Didn't I tell you Benson and Benson were the tailors for you? LEON (patiently) Yes, Swana, you did. SWANA It's a dream of beauty. He never takes my word for anything, but I was right, wasn't I? LEON Yes, Swana. SWANA (forcing an introduction) Am I interrupting? LEON Not at all. Your Highness, may I present Madame Yakushova? SWANA How do you do? NINOTCHKA How do you do? LEON And General Savitzky. GENERAL SAVITZKY How do you do? NINOTCHKA How do you do? SWANA I've some wonderful news for you, Leon. It's about Punchy... do you mind if I sit down? LEON (realizing that he cannot prevent it) No... please... Swana sits down. SWANA (to General Savitzky) General, would you mind making my excuses at our table? I'll be back in a few moments. GENERAL SAVITZKY Certainly. He bows and leaves. CLOSE SHOT -- ALL THREE SITTING AT THE TABLE SWANA Well, Leon, we can be proud of our Punchy. He had a triumph at the dog show. During the following speech, Ninotchka's expression does not change. She knows exactly the game Swana is playing. SWANA (continuing) He won another blue ribbon and bit the judge. Ha! ha! ha! I bought him the cutest sweater as a reward. You should see him strut down the street in it. He looks like a little boulevardier. (to Ninotchka) You see, Count d'Algout gave me Punchy for my birthday. (to Leon) You must have searched weeks before you found anything as divine as Punchy, didn't you, Leon? LEON (fed up with Swana's tactics) Months, Swana. SWANA (to Ninotchka) Poor Madame Yakushova... here we are talking in mysteries.... I'm sure you wonder what it's all about. NINOTCHKA (dry and direct) Not at all.... I understand perfectly, Count d'Algout gave you a dog. You made it very clear, madame. SWANA Dear me... I must be losing my finesse. If I'm not careful I'll be understood by everybody. LEON (acutely uncomfortable) There's a charming crowd here tonight, isn't there? SWANA I'm going, Leon... (she rises, as does Leon, delighted to get rid of her) but before I leave I must compliment you on your gown, Madame Yakushova. Is that what they're wearing in Moscow this year? NINOTCHKA No, last year, madame. Swana sits again, as does Leon. SWANA Isn't it amazing! One gets a wrong impression of the new Russia. (cynically) It must be charming. I'm glad conditions are so improved. I assume this is what the factory workers wear at their dances? NINOTCHKA Exactly. You see, it would have been embarrassing for people of my sort to wear low-cut gowns in the old Russia. The lashes of the Cossacks across our backs were not very becoming, and you know how vain women are. SWANA You're absolutely right about the Cossacks. We made an unpardonable mistake when we let them use their knouts. They had such reliable guns. Leon has grown more and more uncomfortable as the two ladies fence. LEON Will you do me a favor? Stop talking about the good old days. SWANA A very wise suggestion, Leon. I'm afraid madame and I will never agree. (she plays her trump card) The only thing we have in common is our lawsuit and that will be decided next week. I understand everything will be over by Thursday. Am I right? Ninotchka and Leon realize the malice and yet the truth of her words. NINOTCHKA You're right, madame, it will all be over by Thursday. SWANA (rubbing it in) It is unfortunate that you have so few more days in Paris. (she turns to Leon) Be sure and redouble your efforts so that madame can take some pleasant memories when she returns to Moscow. (she rises, Leon rising too) Good night. (Ninotchka nods without answering. To Leon) Good night, Leon. LEON (coldly) Good night, Swana. Swana leaves the table. Leon sits again. The mood of the two has been changed by the problem of their separation, which has been brought before them. They sit in silence for a moment. Ninotchka speaks first. NINOTCHKA Now I think I need a glass of champagne. Leon fills their glasses. They drink. Then Leon takes Ninotchka's hand. NINOTCHKA (trying to break the mood) Quickly, please... tell me one of your funny stories. LEON A funny story? NINOTCHKA You never finished the one about the two Scotchmen with the names. LEON Well, there were two Scotchmen. One was named McIntosh and one was named McGillicuddy. They met on the street. He stops. NINOTCHKA Go on. LEON No, darling. I'll tell you another story, a much better one. (with deep sincerity) The only thing that will be over on Thursday is the lawsuit. There will be no Thursday for us. Not next week or any week. We won't let it happen. I'll tear it out of the calendar. Is that a good story? NINOTCHKA (touched) Wonderful -- if one could believe it. LEON You must, darling. NINOTCHKA (lifting her glass) To the loveliest story I ever heard. They drink. The orchestra starts a number. NINOTCHKA (afraid of where the conversation may lead) Shall we dance? They both start toward the dance floor. CLOSE SHOT -- LEON AND NINOTCHKA, DANCING A WALTZ At the second turn Ninotchka starts to feel the effect of the champagne. NINOTCHKA (tipsily) Oo! Darling! Something is the matter. LEON You just made that trip from goats to grapes a little too fast. NINOTCHKA Oh, everything is so wonderful! It's getting farther and farther away! LEON What, darling? NINOTCHKA Thursday. LEON Yes. Don't worry. Everything will be all right. In the gayest mood, Ninotchka addresses the crowd on the dance floor. NINOTCHKA Comrades! Comrades! LEON (embarrassed) Darling, darling... please! NINOTCHKA I must talk to my brothers! LEON Shhh! Shhh! NINOTCHKA Don't shush me. I am People! I want to make a speech. I want to overthrow the Duchess! Leon starts to lead her off the dance floor. LEON But, darling, you can't do that. NINOTCHKA Comrades! Good people of France! LEON Now, Ninotchka... please! NINOTCHKA They are all Duchesses here... thousands of Duchesses... and I am going to tell them. By now they have almost reached the powder room. LEON Quite right... yes, yes, yes, but first you're going in that door and you're going to take a little spirits of ammonia and lie down. NINOTCHKA (sweetly) No speech? LEON (as though he were addressing a little child) No speech. NINOTCHKA I love you, my little Leonitchka! LEON And I adore you, Ninotchua. Ninotchka goes unsteadily into the powder room. Leon wipes his forehead in relief and goes to the bar, followed by the CAMERA. LEON (to the bartender) Give me a double brandy. CLOSE SHOT -- DOOR OF THE POWDER ROOM A group of four to six women come out whispering excitedly about something which must have happened within. CAMERA goes with them as they go to the Manager of the restaurant and crowd about him and whisper what has happened. CLOSE SHOT -- BAR The bartender gives Leon his double brandy and Leon tosses it off. The Manager comes into the shot and addresses Leon. MANAGER (very excitedly) I'm very sorry, Count d'Algout, it is most embarrassing, but the lady you brought with you tonight is spreading communistic propaganda in the powder room. Leon stares at him for a second, then turns to the bartender. LEON Give me another double brandy. MANAGER That kind of propaganda is bad anywhere, but inciting the attendants of a powder room to go on strike.... Well, if she succeeds the consequences will be disastrous. LEON What can I do about it? MANAGER She has been asked to leave the powder room but without success. We would appreciate if you would see to it yourself. LEON (horrified) You want me to go in there? MANAGER I'm sorry, sir, but I must insist. The Manager bows and walks away. Leon gulps down the second double brandy. The CAMERA follows him as he proceeds toward the powder room like a hero going into battle. Just as he is about to enter, a very dignified elderly lady comes out, is surprised at his attempted entrance, and glares at him. Leon loses his courage and FOLLOWED BY THE CAMERA goes back to the bar to strengthen it with some of the Dutch variety. LEON (completely exhausted -- to the bartender) Make it a triple brandy. As we DISSOLVE TO: LIVING ROOM -- THE ROYAL SUITE Rakonin, the waiter, opens the door. Ninotchka and Leon, both very tipsy by now, enter the room. Leon is carrying a bottle of champagne in a napkin. As he passes the waiter he speaks: LEON (to Rakonin) All right... you can tell the Duchess... you can tell everybody... they know anyhow... it doesn't make any difference... now get out! Rakonin, who seems very interested in the situation, closes the door. Leon goes to Ninotchka. Both sit on a couch. NINOTCHKA (moving close to him) Don't tell them where we're going, sweetheart. LEON No. Nobody will find us. Ninotchka is lyrically tight. Through her there shines a great happiness. NINOTCHKA Are we going to build our little house? LEON Yes... a little white house. NINOTCHKA Not white, darling. LEON All right, we'll make it red. NINOTCHKA No, don't let's have it any color... no color... just a house house... let's form our own party. LEON Right: Lovers of the world unite! NINOTCHKA (delighted) And we won't stretch up our arms... LEON No! No! NINOTCHKA ...and we won't clench our fist... LEON No! No! NINOTCHKA (tenderly) Our salute will be a kiss. LEON Yes... a kiss... salute! She sinks into his arms and they kiss. NINOTCHKA (still in his arms) I am so happy. No one can be so happy without being punished. I will be punished and I should be punished. (she gets up) I want to confess, darling. LEON I know... it's the Russian soul. NINOTCHKA (her gaiety mixed with sadness) Everyone wants to confess and if they don't confess they make them confess. I am a traitor. When I kissed you I betrayed the Russian ideal. Leon, I should be stood up against the wall. Leon gets up. LEON (sympathetically) Would that make you any happier? NINOTCHKA Much happier. LEON All right. Still carrying the champagne bottle, Leon leads her to the end of the room and stands her against the wall. He takes the napkin from the champagne bottle and puts it over her eyes. The CAMERA moves with him as he goes away from Ninotchka, and as he walks he starts to open the champagne. The cork pops. CLOSE SHOT -- NINOTCHKA, as she sinks gently into a chair. NINOTCHKA (happily) I have paid the penalty. Now let's have some music. CLOSE SHOT -- NINOTCHKA AND LEON LEON Let's turn on the radio. NINOTCHKA Radio! What is radio? LEON It's a little box that you buy on the installment plan and before you tune it in they tell you they have a new model. NINOTCHKA (getting up) Oh yes, yes. It has a little knob that turns... a little knob... it must be somewhere around here... yes... here... I see... Confusedly Ninotchka starts looking for something, repeating, "a little knob... a little knob." Followed by Leon she goes toward the safe, opens the concealing door, and both are delighted as they see the safe's dial. NINOTCHKA (triumphantly) Here it is! Leon nods approval and starts to turn the dial. LEON What shall we get? The news! NINOTCHKA No, no news. We don't want to know what's happening in the world. We want to be left alone, don't we? LEON Yes, sweetheart... all by ourselves. NINOTCHKA (remembering vaguely) Well, then we turn twice to the right and stop at seven... Leon follows her instructions. NINOTCHKA (after a little pause, sadly) It's dead. LEON Well, it has to warm up... you have to give it a chance... just like people... like you and me... first you wanted to fight me and now we belong to the same party... salute! He takes her in his arms and again they embrace. NINOTCHKA (as though she were in heaven) Now twice to the left and stop at seventeen. Leon again follows her instructions. INTERIOR -- SAFE, shooting toward the door. Leon opens the door and both look into the safe. NINOTCHKA (disappointed) No music. LEON (also disappointed) No, no music. Through her fog, Ninotchka becomes aware of the case containing the jewels. NINOTCHKA (bitterly) There it is... Thursday... you can't rip it out of the week.... LEON (helpfully) But I can throw it out of the window. NINOTCHKA (philosophically) It wouldn't be fair to the man in the street. (she pushes back the lid) There they are... they are terrible things, those jewels.... LEON ...but big. NINOTCHKA ...they are the tears of Old Russia... see that stone? LEON Who cried that one? NINOTCHKA Czar Peter gave it to his wife, Catherine the Great. For it he sold ten thousand serfs in the market. LEON Now, darling, don't get impatient, wait until we are married. You know that worthless butler of mine... that reactionary? Some day when I come home to you I may say, "Darling, I drove Gaston to the market and look what I got from him!" From the case of jewels he takes a beautiful diadem and holds it in front of her. NINOTCHKA (the economist now) First ten thousand serfs... now just Gaston. It is very encouraging. Leon takes her by the hand and leads her from the safe. LEON Come, sweetheart. Let me put it on you. You will teach these jewels. For the first time they will learn how they can look. NINOTCHKA They belong to the people. LEON (in a ceremonial voice) I give them back to the people... (as formal and steady as possible under the conditions he puts the diadem on her head) I make you Ninotchka the Great... Duchess of the People!... Grand Duchess of the People! Ninotchka falls in with the spirit of this imaginary coronation. NINOTCHKA Is this the wish of the masses? LEON It is their wish. NINOTCHKA Thank you, Leon... thank you, masses. (in a low voice) Can I make a speech now? LEON Please. Ninotchka turns to an imaginary assemblage. NINOTCHKA Comrades! People of the world! The revolution is on the march... I know... wars will wash over us... bombs will fall... all civilization will crumble... but not yet, please... wait, wait... what's the hurry? (mixing reality with fantasy) Let us be happy... give us our moment.... (turning to Leon) We are happy, aren't we, Leon? LEON (fondly) Yes, sweetheart. (he holds her in his arms) NINOTCHKA (her voice getting dimmer and dimmer) So happy and so tired. She falls asleep in his arms. Leon gathers her up and carries her into the bedroom, the diadem still on her head. BEDROOM -- THE ROYAL SUITE Leon carries Ninotchka to the bed, puts her down on it. She is now sleeping soundly. He kisses her once more and then turns, the CAMERA PANNING with him, and starts toward the door to the corridor and exits. As he closes the door with an uncertain hand, it slams. CLOSE SHOT -- NINOTCHKA, as she lies on the bed On the night table beside her is a photograph of the stern- faced Lenin. The crash of the slamming door awakens Ninotchka for a moment. Completely content and happy, she turns around and sees the disapproving face of the photograph. NINOTCHKA (charmingly) Smile, little father, smile. INSERT OF PHOTOGRAPH OF LENIN The photograph of Lenin starts to smile in approval, as we... FADE OUT: AN ESTABLISHING SHOT OF PARIS -- DAY FADE IN ON: IN THE FOREGROUND a clock shows that it is a quarter to twelve. DISSOLVE TO: LONG SHOT -- LIVING ROOM OF THE ROYAL SUITE It is taken from an ANGLE which includes the door. The lights are still on, the curtains drawn, the empty champagne bottle and glasses litter the room. We hear the buzzer of the corridor door ring several times without an answer. CAMERA moves through the door into the bedroom, never disclosing the bed. The lights in the bedroom are still lighted also and the curtains drawn. CAMERA stops on the door from the bedroom to the corridor. The buzzer rings. Apparently the caller has moved from the living-room door to the bedroom door. CLOSE SHOT OF THE BED Ninotchka is lying on the bed, still in her evening dress. The diadem is no longer on her head, but no special emphasis is laid on that detail in the camera angle. We hear the sound of the buzzer ringing again and again. Ninotchka half wakens and calls out something which sounds like "come in" without being fully aware of what she is doing. BEDROOM -- AT THE DOOR The door is opened from the outside by a maid, who lets in the Duchess Swana, dressed in a smart morning outfit. Swana looks around, surprised and amused at the state of the room. She walks over to the bed where lies Ninotchka, still not enough awake to face reality. Swana is delighted to have surprised Ninotchka in this condition. SWANA (ironically) Good morning. NINOTCHKA (awakening gradually) What? SWANA It is tomorrow morning... tomorrow noon, to be exact. I hope you will forgive me. I know it's extremely cruel to waken anyone at such an hour. Don't you recognize me? I am the Duchess Swana. By now Ninotchka is awake. She gets up and realizes to her acute embarrassment the condition in which Swana has found her. SWANA I know how you feel, my dear. The morning after always does look grim if you happen to be wearing last night's dress. Don't be embarrassed by my presence, though. You couldn't have found anybody more sympathetic to your condition. I remember once in Petrograd when I felt exactly as you do. I had to bow from a balcony to the crowd. My dear, the masses have no understanding of the feelings of a lady before noon. Don't you find that true? During Swana's speech Ninotchka has found herself completely. NINOTCHKA I think we can cut your visit short. Leon is not here. SWANA Of course not, my dear! I didn't come here with any such suspicion. How ridiculous! (with a glance toward the living room) Nor did I come here to pick up his hat. CLOSE SHOT -- LEON'S HAT, shot through the bedroom door into the living room where it lies on the table. LONG SHOT -- LIVING ROOM -- TOWARD BEDROOM DOOR By the bed stand Ninotchka and Swana. Swana starts toward the living room, Ninotchka following her. SWANA (as she reaches the threshold) How stale last night's gaiety looks! It has the taste of a dead cigarette. NINOTCHKA If you were encouraged to come here by our meeting last night I am afraid you misunderstood my attitude. SWANA Don't worry, you were quite rude enough. (during the following speech, she draws the curtains and opens the windows) Do you mind if I let in a little fresh air and sunshine? I'm sure it will make you feel better and I want you to be at your very best. In full possession of your faculties, at least. NINOTCHKA (regaining her usual firmness) Please come to the point. What is it you want? SWANA I just dropped in to have a little heart-to-heart talk with you. NINOTCHKA We have nothing to discuss. SWANA Now there you are completely wrong. If we sit down for a little chat, I'm sure we won't run out of conversation and what's more it won't be dull. NINOTCHKA Madame, what is it you people always say, regardless of what you mean... "I am delighted to have you here"? I have not reached that stage of civilization. SWANA That's all right... I grow on people. NINOTCHKA I must ask you to leave. SWANA Leave? That's exactly what I came here to ask you to do. Leave! I don't mean this hotel and I don't mean Paris... I mean France. There's a plane for Moscow at five-forty. NINOTCHKA (puzzled) Madame, if you... SWANA Don't worry. I have already made reservations. It's perfect flying weather. They assure me there's a fine tail wind which will sweep you back to Moscow in no time. NINOTCHKA (still not understanding) If this is meant to be a joke it is not funny. Or do you still think you're issuing orders from your palace in Petrograd? Ninotchka's words for the first time sting Swana out of her apparently superficial attitude. SWANA (bitterly) My palace in Petrograd... yes, you took that away from me. You took away my czar, my country, my people, everything I had... (with emphasis) but nothing more -- I warn you. NINOTCHKA (simply) People cannot be taken away, madame, neither a hundred and sixty million nor one. Not if you have their love. You hadn't. That's why you're not in Russia any longer, and that's why you came here this morning. SWANA Very interesting, my dear, but couldn't you write all that from Moscow? A dissertation on love on Soviet stationery -- would be an amusing paradox. NINOTCHKA It is not enough to be witty, madame. People grow tired of being entertained. You made that mistake before. Problems were never solved by bowing from a balcony. SWANA My dear, you don't know how impressive I could be. Did you ever see me in my regalia with my diadem and all my jewels? The word diadem startles Ninotchka. She starts to remember the night before, and she looks toward the safe. INSERT OF THE DOOR OF THE SAFE, which is closed by now. CLOSE SHOT -- NINOTCHKA AND SWANA Ninotchka stares in the direction of the safe as Swana chatters on. SWANA You can't deny we gave the people their money's worth -- almost -- eight tumbling Romanoffs -- eight! NINOTCHKA (desperately) I must insist that you leave. SWANA Not before you agree to use those reservations to Moscow. NINOTCHKA In that case I can only say good-by. Abruptly she walks toward the bedroom. TRAVELING SHOT OF NINOTCHKA She enters the small room connecting the living room and bedroom and closes the door to the living room. She walks into the bedroom toward the bed and glances at it. The diadem is not there. After going back into the anteroom, she opens the outer door of the safe and pulls on the inner door. It has not been properly closed and opens at once. The safe is empty. Ninotchka stands staring in frozen horror for a moment, then rushes to the telephone by the bed. NINOTCHKA (into the telephone) Élysée 2763. LONG SHOT -- NINOTCHKA AT THE TELEPHONE, waiting for her connection In the background the door to the living room is opened by Swana. SWANA (standing in the door) I wouldn't waken Leon. After last night I would say not before three o'clock at the earliest. NINOTCHKA I told you to go, madame. SWANA Believe me, Leon can't help you. He doesn't know anything about the jewels... I give you my word... I swear it. Ninotchka hangs up the receiver and stares at Swana. She walks toward her. LIVING ROOM, SHOOTING INTO THE BEDROOM. In the foreground Swana, in the background Ninotchka, who is hurrying toward her. NINOTCHKA Where are they? SWANA You were very careless with our precious jewels, my dear. They're too expensive a toy for two children to play with. NINOTCHKA Where are they? SWANA Don't worry. Fortunately last night a very trustworthy friend kept his eyes open. Perhaps he overstepped his function as a waiter but he fulfilled his duty as a Russian. (she draws back the fur scarf she is wearing, revealing a diamond star, one of the jewels we have seen) I just put this on for sentiment. The rest are absolutely safe. I assure you. But if you feel like notifying the police... NINOTCHKA You leave me no choice. SWANA Won't it be rather embarrassing for a Soviet Envoy to disclose the circumstances under which she lost them? NINOTCHKA I will have to face the consequences, but so will you. Don't forget they will ask how you got them. SWANA That's very simple to answer. They were given to me by my mother. They were given to her by her mother, in fact they're mine, you cannot steal what belongs to you! She proceeds into the living room, followed by Ninotchka. NINOTCHKA They always belonged to the Russian people. They were paid for with their sweat, their blood, their lives and you will give them back! SWANA (triumphantly) I told you we had plenty to talk about. Shall we sit down? They both sit. SWANA (very matter-of-fact) Now, let's free ourselves from emotionalism and try to solve the problem in a practical way. Our situation has changed considerably. Before I had only a claim to the jewels. Now I have the jewels. NINOTCHKA In other words moral ideas have no weight with you... all right, then let's deal with legal facts. You know that France has recognized the Soviet. SWANA Unfortunately. NINOTCHKA Under Soviet law the jewels belong to the State. France is going to uphold that ownership. SWANA My lawyer agrees with you. He says France will uphold it in every court, but I will drag you through every court, don't forget that. And when I say it will take two years I am, as always, conservative. NINOTCHKA Won't those two years in court be expensive for you? I know that money was no object as long as you could squeeze it from the pockets of the people, but now... SWANA I may run out of money, but you have already run out of bread. Two years is a long time for your comrades to wait. NINOTCHKA I see. You have calculated in terms of hunger. SWANA No, I just wanted to be absolutely impartial. Both of us are faced with two rather uncomfortable years. We can condense these two years to two minutes if you want to accept my proposition. Ninotchka now realizes what she is after. NINOTCHKA Go on. SWANA I am willing to hand over the jewels and sign the necessary papers if you take that five-forty plane to Moscow. NINOTCHKA (quietly) That's not the way to win him back... not Leon. SWANA I think I know Leon quite as well as you... possibly a little better. Leave that worry to me. Five-forty leaves you time enough to close the deal with Monsieur Mercier, but naturally you'll be too busy for any farewells. I'll see to it that everything is done in the most expeditious manner and I will also see you to the airport. That's my proposition, Comrade Yakushova. Ninotchka knows herself to be faced with an inevitable decision. For a moment she cannot answer. The telephone rings. Ninotchka takes the receiver. NINOTCHKA (into telephone) Yes... (it is Leon) Oh hello... Much as she wants to talk to him she hesitates in the presence of Swana. Swana realizes the situation, gets up, and walks over to the window, where she stands looking out. CLOSE-UP -- NINOTCHKA AT TELEPHONE NINOTCHKA Good morning, Leon... (forcing herself to be gay so that he will not suspect anything) ... no, you didn't waken me... I am fine, thank you.... Yes, it was... marvelous.... What?... for luncheon? I'm afraid I can't. I am going to be very busy... (looking for excuses) well, I have a lot of things to attend to today.... What?... Well to tell you the truth I am a little tired and I would like to rest... (she forces herself to laugh) you may be right... perhaps it is the champagne.... For dinner?... Of course... seven o'clock here?... (realizing that she will be gone by then) seven o'clock is all right.... Where?... That will be lovely.... Yes... (there is a knock on the door) Come in. (into the telephone) Yes?... (looking toward the door she sees something which makes her stop the conversation) Just a moment... (she puts the receiver on the table and walks toward the door) ANTEROOM BETWEEN LIVING ROOM AND CORRIDOR, shooting toward the living room. In the background we see Swana standing at the window. Ninotchka comes into the anteroom, closes the door in order to shut off Swana's view. Camera pans with Ninotchka as she walks toward the hall door where the bellboy is putting down a big flower basket. NINOTCHKA (to bellboy) You can leave it here. The bellboy exits. Ninotchka looks at the basket of flowers for a moment, then takes the envelope which is attached to the handle. She opens it and reads the enclosed letter. It must be a love note, for her eyes grow wet. She turns to the last page. INSERT "...and sweetheart, I have kept my first promise. I sent poor old Gaston to the market this morning and if you will look deep into the flowers you will see what I got for him...." CLOSE SHOT -- NINOTCHKA She puts her hand in the basket and takes out a bottle of milk. INSERT OF THE BOTTLE On the label we see a picture of a goat. NINOTCHKA She smiles sadly and goes to the telephone, which is on the console in the anteroom. NINOTCHKA (into telephone) Operator, will you switch the call please?... Hello?... Darling, your present just arrived.... It's very silly and very wonderful... thank you... No, I won't forget... seven o'clock.... (with great tenderness) Good-by, my darling.... What?... Oh... (softly) salute! She puts down the receiver. Camera pans with her as she goes to the door of the living room. She opens the door and goes in. Swana turns from the window. NINOTCHKA I am sorry to have kept you waiting, madame. SWANA -- AT THE AIRPORT DISSOLVE TO: shooting from a HIGH ANGLE. We hear the SOUND of an airplane just taking off. Camera pulls back so that Swana seems to be photographed from the airplane. Finally the SHOT discloses the whole airport and Swana disappearing into the crowd. ENTRANCE HALL -- SWANA'S APARTMENT Swana's maid is opening the door for Swana, who enters in the highest spirits. SWANA Good afternoon, Jacqueline. MAID Good afternoon, Your Highness. (hesitantly) Madame, I... SWANA You didn't find my glove. All right, you're forgiven. MAID Thank you, Your Highness. Count d'Algout is waiting. He's been here some time. Swana inspects herself briefly in the hall mirror, proceeds into the living room. LIVING ROOM -- SWANA'S APARTMENT Leon is pacing up and down. Swana enters. SWANA Leon, darling, how nice! Have you ordered tea or a cocktail? LEON No thanks, Swana. SWANA Did I act stupidly last night? Should I apologize? LEON I'm the one who should apologize. I should have talked to you before. SWANA Is this, by any chance, going to be a confession? LEON Yes. SWANA Oh, no, my little Volga boatman. Have you forgotten our First Commandment: Never Complain -- Never Explain. It has worked so often and so perfectly, don't let's break the rule. And please don't look so guilty, otherwise I'll... LEON This time, Swana -- just this once -- I must ask you to listen. SWANA All right, I'll listen. LEON I know you hate the obvious but do you mind if, at this moment, I'm not in the least subtle? SWANA Brutal frankness, if you insist. LEON There are a hundred ways to approach it, but I feel it can best be said in one simple phrase. I'm in love, Swana. SWANA And I thought it was something serious! How could you frighten me so? LEON It must be serious, Swana. Not long ago I'd have considered such a statement rather juvenile and rather middle class. Now I can say it without stammering, without a blush. I'm in love, Swana. SWANA Say it over and over again, Leon. Words are a wonderful safety valve, and that's what you need -- because you know it's impossible, don't you? LEON I have to be simple again, Swana, and you may find it shockingly banal. I've thought it over and I'm willing to take all the consequences, even if it means a complete readjustment of my way of living. SWANA Leon! This has the ugly sound of regeneration. LEON I'm afraid that's what it is. SWANA The same old trouble, Leon. You're always late. Whether you're taking me to the Opera or calling for me at a beauty shop, you're never on time. And now, when it's a question of your reform -- late again. (she glances at her wrist watch) By about five minutes. LEON What is this, Swana? SWANA Knowing the efficiency of the French Air Service I think I can guarantee that Madame Yakushova has already taken off for Moscow. LEON Has done what? SWANA She's gone, Leon. LEON Do you expect me to believe that? Swana picks up the receiver of the telephone and holds it out to him. SWANA Here's the telephone. If you call the hotel you will find that you have no seven o'clock appointment. THE MOSCOW PLANE It is flying past the Eiffel Tower. CLOSE SHOT -- AIRPLANE WINDOW Behind the window we see Ninotchka looking at Paris for the last time. Camera moves over to the next window and we see Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski also giving Paris a sad farewell look. ANOTHER VIEW OF PARIS, from the air. The mist has closed in by now so that only the top of the Eiffel Tower is visible above it. CLOSE-UP -- NINOTCHKA, looking down on the Tower INTERIOR, Airplane -- Ninotchka, Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski Ninotchka turns from the window and leans against the back of her chair. The Russians follow her example. There is a moment of silence and sadness. BULJANOFF Imagine, for once in our lives we were in Paris and we never went to the Eiffel Tower. KOPALSKI That's right. IRANOFF They tell me it has a wonderful restaurant on the second floor. KOPALSKI While you eat, you look at the view. CLOSE-UP -- NINOTCHKA She is trying to overcome all sentimentality, but as the following speech progresses she cannot escape the personal implication involved. NINOTCHKA Yes, it is an amazing piece of engineering. Still the most remarkable iron structure in the world. Leading to the top there is a staircase of over a thousand steps... but an elevator is included in the price of admission. FADE OUT: FADE IN: INSERT OF A PARIS NEWSPAPER HERALD DU MATIN Camera zooms down on a headline of an article. Mercier buys priceless russian jewels. Russian commission has left for moscow. STREET IN PARIS -- MORNING Camera follows Leon as he walks excitedly and nervously along the boulevard. He turns into a Russian Intouriste Bureau, one of the travel bureaus maintained by the Soviet government in foreign countries to supply information regarding travel, give visas, etc. INTOURISTE BUREAU It is a typical travel bureau. Behind the counter are attendants and some people getting information and pamphlets. Leon enters, looks around, and sees a door which says "Visas and Passport Department." He enters. INTERIOR, VISA ROOM It is a room smaller than the previous one. Behind the counter stands a typical Bolshevik Official. In front of the counter is an elderly English lady. Leon takes his place behind her, nervous at having to wait. The Official stamps the English lady's passport and hands it to her. OFFICIAL Well, everything is in order. I hope you will enjoy your trip to Russia, madame. ENGLISH LADY Thank you. Oh, by the way, I've heard so many rumors about laundry conditions in Russia. Is it advisable to take one's own towels? OFFICIAL Certainly not, madame. That's only capitalistic propaganda. We change the towel every week. ENGLISH LADY Oh... thank you. She leaves. Leon moves up to the Official. OFFICIAL Yes, please? At this moment the telephone rings. The Official takes the receiver. OFFICIAL (into phone) Yes... Comrade Cazabine? No, I'm sorry... he hasn't been with us for six months. He was called back to Russia and was investigated. You can get further details from his widow. He hangs up the receiver. Leon, thinking of Ninotchka, is horrified by this statement. LEON Pardon me, I am very interested in what you just said -- you mean when an envoy goes back to Russia -- if they don't like what he has done they put him out of the way? OFFICIAL Not always... look at me... I've been back twice. (he knocks on wood) LEON (his alarm growing) Here's my passport.... Please give me a visa. I have to leave for Russia immediately. OFFICIAL (reading passport) Count Leon d'Algout... a count!... a nobleman! LEON Don't hold that against me... please! OFFICIAL Why should an aristocrat want to go to Russia? LEON Business. OFFICIAL What business? LEON Private. OFFICIAL There is no privacy in Russia. This whole thing seems very suspicious. What's the real reason? If you ever want to get into Russia, take my advice... confess! LEON (dismayed) Confess what? OFFICIAL Are you sympathetic to the former Czaristic government -- the White Russians? LEON On the contrary -- I don't want to have anything to do with them. OFFICIAL You believe in our cause? Leon, feeling that he has to go to the rescue of his girl, whips up an enormous enthusiasm for the cause. LEON Oh... I think it's great! Everyone works -- everyone contributes -- that's what I want to do -- work! I make my own bed -- you can call up my butler! I don't believe in the right of the individual. I like the Bolshevik ideal -- everyone being the same. You just like me -- me just like you -- I use your comb -- you use my toothbrush -- oh, it's a great life.... Please... give me that visa! At this moment Swana enters. SWANA Hello, Leon darling! LEON (startled) Hello. SWANA (suavely) After our talk last night I took it for granted that you would drop in here this morning. Knowing how difficult it is to get into Soviet Russia, I thought I might be of some assistance to you. (to the Official) May I introduce myself? I am the Duchess Swana of Russia... another Russia. The Official gasps in surprise. LEON Now, please, Swana. SWANA (to the Official) Count d'Algout was for several years my personal representative and if it is necessary to sign any affidavit for him I'll be delighted. LEON (bitterly) That does it, Swana. (he leads her toward the door) Now you mustn't miss your appointment with your hair-dresser. SWANA (stopping at the door) Just in case they don't give you your visa to Russia I want you to know that I have signed a contract for my memoirs and rented a lovely little château in the Touraine, and if you feel the need of a change... LEON Thank you, Swana. You are very gracious. His words are unmistakably a final dismissal. She walks out. Leon looks after her for a second, then goes back to the Official. He tries to laugh off the incident. LEON She must have her little joke. (the Official responds with a stony look) You're not going to take that seriously. OFFICIAL The Grand Duchess Swana... active in the White Russian movement? LEON Believe me, I have no connection with her any longer... I swear I haven't! OFFICIAL But you had! LEON Listen, I want to be absolutely frank with you. I have no business in Moscow. OFFICIAL I think so too. LEON I want to see a friend of mine... a very dear friend.... It's a personal matter which has nothing to do with politics or social philosophies.... It's a girl. OFFICIAL So it's love which drags you to Moscow. LEON Yes! OFFICIAL No visa. LEON (fighting for his point) I must get into that country of yours! OFFICIAL Oh no. No visa. LEON (more aggressively) That's impossible! Nobody has the right.... You can't do that!... If you don't give me that visa... OFFICIAL (ironically) You're going to force us... huh? LEON (growing violent) Now look here... you advertise all over the world that you want people to go into your country and when someone tries to get in, you keep him out! OFFICIAL Why should I take a chance? LEON On what? OFFICIAL How do I know you don't want to blow up a factory? LEON What for... why? OFFICIAL Or a tunnel or a bridge... LEON Suspicions... nothing but suspicions!... That's the trouble with you! If you don't let me in I'll stand in front of this office of yours and warn people to keep away from Russia!... I'll picket your whole country.... The Official laughs in a superior way. LEON I'll boycott you, that's what I'm going to do!... No more vodka... no more caviar... no more Tchaikovsky... no more borscht.... Wait a minute, I know something better than that... The Official leans forward sarcastically. OFFICIAL What? With a knock-out blow, Leon sends him to the floor, then, leaning over the counter, he shouts. LEON And you can tell the Kremlin that's just the beginning! He strides out. The Official's head emerges from the counter. As he adjusts his bruised jaw, he speaks. OFFICIAL No visa. Establishing Shot of Russia -- First of May -- Stock Shot of May Day Parade on the Red Square FADE IN ON: DISSOLVE TO: RADIO ANNOUNCER RADIO ANNOUNCER March, march, march! Comrades of the World, never has there been such a May Day parade as this! Already for four hours the pavements of Moscow have resounded to the tread of a million boots! Thousands of gun- carriages have thundered past. Thousands of tanks, combined with our mighty air force, have demonstrated to a belligerent neighbor that we are ready and invincible! Now past me marches the great army of our civilians! Men and women of all ages. All servants of the State united in one thought and ideal. Group of Several Units Marching Workmen, soldiers, tanks, airplanes, etc. DISSOLVE TO: Column of Women, dressed in typical Russian May Day parade fashion, marching and saluting. The CAMERA NARROWS DOWN to a CLOSE SHOT OF Ninotchka marching with the others. All her individuality is gone. She is one of many, a cog in the Russian machine. With a stern expression she is looking straight ahead when suddenly something attracts her attention and she glances to one side. A Column of Male Workers is coming in the opposite direction. Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski are recognizable among them. CLOSE SHOT -- BULJANOFF, IRANOFF, AND KOPALSKI MARCHING. All three are already pretty exhausted from the long march. Kopalski sees Ninotchka. He whispers it to the others. The three look toward Ninotchka and lift their shoulders with a gesture which says, "Look where we are now." CLOSE SHOT -- NINOTCHKA, answering them with a sad smile. After they have passed she stares straight forward again with the same stern expression. DISSOLVE TO: PANNING SHOT -- STAIRCASE IN NINOTCHKA'S TENEMENT HOUSE It is an overcrowded house. People are walking up and down stairs, standing grouped in front of the various apartments; children are sliding down the banisters and playing games under the feet of the adults. Ninotchka trudges upstairs wearily. Camera pans with her as she goes into an apartment which is divided into several sub- apartments. Finally she opens the door of her own room and goes in. NINOTCHKA'S ROOM It is a comparatively small room, which she shares with two other girls. As she enters only one girl is present. It is Anna, a cello player, who sits on the edge of her bed practicing on her cello. Apparently Ninotchka has not adjusted herself completely to the Moscow which she once thought so great. NINOTCHKA Good evening, Anna. ANNA Good evening, Ninotchka. NINOTCHKA Aren't you late? ANNA No, the opera starts an hour later tonight on account of the parade. During the following scene Anna puts her cello in its case and gets ready to go to her job. Ninotchka starts to arrange the table in the center of the floor for a party of four. Out of her cupboard she takes very primitive-looking dishes, a flower pot, glasses, and a kind of shawl which serves as a tablecloth. NINOTCHKA Didn't you march? Anna is apparently not a fanatical believer in the Bolshevik regime and takes a cynical and humorous attitude toward it. ANNA They didn't let me. I am in disgrace. Last week at the performance of Carmen I played a sour note. The conductor got so excited he yelled, "There's sabotage in the string section!" NINOTCHKA Too bad... you missed an inspiring day, Anna. ANNA I know... my heart is sad... but my feet are happy. When all the tanks and guns were roaring over the Red Square I sat here all by myself and played a Beethoven sonata. Not bad at all. (she has noticed Ninotchka's preparations) Are you expecting someone? NINOTCHKA A few friends... just a little dinner party. ANNA What are you serving? NINOTCHKA An omelet. ANNA (puzzled) An omelet! Aren't you living a little above your ration? NINOTCHKA Well, I've saved up two eggs and each of my friends is bringing his own so we'll manage. ANNA It just goes to prove the theory of our State. If you stand alone it means a boiled egg but if you're true to the collective spirit and stick together you've got an omelet. (devilishly) That reminds me... have you heard the latest they're telling about the Kremlin? At this moment a door to one of the adjoining rooms opens and Gurganov, a middle-aged man with a sour stool-pigeon expression, walks quietly through the room to another door, taking in the girls with one sly glance and giving the impression that not only his eyes but his ears are open. Anna breaks off her remark. ANNA (whispering) I'll tell you later. (after Gurganov has disappeared into the other room she continues) That Gurganov, you never know whether he's on his way to the washroom or the Secret Police. NINOTCHKA You should be more careful, Anna. ANNA And you too, Ninotchka. NINOTCHKA (amazed) About what? ANNA Ever since you have been back from Paris... NINOTCHKA I haven't talked to anyone about Paris. I haven't said a word. ANNA That's just it. It makes people feel queer. I dont' want you to get in any trouble. NINOTCHKA I have nothing to hide. ANNA You should. I'll show you. She walks over to her cupboard and takes out a piece of lingerie and comes back to Ninotchka with it. ANNA When I passed through the laundry yard today I saw all the women huddled around this so I brought it up here. Things like this create a bad feeling. First they didn't know whose it was. Then they saw the Paris label and did it start a commotion! Some said it's what we all ought to wear and others said it's like hanging foreign ideas on our clothesline. It undermines our whole cause. NINOTCHKA (aware of the pettiness which surrounds her) I see. ANNA You know how it is today... all you have to do is wear a pair of silk stockings and they suspect you of counter-revolution. NINOTCHKA Thank you, Anna. I'll dry it up here when I wash it next. I should hate to see our country endangered by my underwear. ANNA (confidentially) Ninotchka, you know I am your friend, you can trust me.... Did you bring back anything else? Ninotchka suddenly is transported to Paris in her memory. NINOTCHKA (with feeling) No, I left everything in Paris. I just happened to be wearing this. ANNA Tell me... what else did you have? NINOTCHKA (enjoying the thought) Well, a hat... ANNA What was it like? NINOTCHKA It was very silly.... I would be ashamed to wear it here. ANNA As beautiful as that? What else? Come, tell me. NINOTCHKA An evening gown. ANNA (puzzled) Evening gown? NINOTCHKA A dress you wear in the evening. ANNA What do you wear in the morning? NINOTCHKA When you get up you put on a negligee, and then you change to a morning frock. ANNA You mean to tell me you wear a different dress for different times of the day? NINOTCHKA Yes. ANNA Now, Ninotchka, you're exaggerating. NINOTCHKA No, my dear, it is true. That's how they live in the other world. Here we dress to have our bodies covered... to keep warm.... ANNA And there? NINOTCHKA Well, sometimes they're not completely covered but... they don't freeze. ANNA (fingering the piece of lingerie) They must have wonderful materials to make a thing like this so soft... something you don't even see. NINOTCHKA You feel it, though. ANNA (hesitantly) Ninotchka, I wouldn't bring this up if we weren't such good friends. NINOTCHKA What is it, Anna? ANNA You know I told you that Pavlov and I are going to get married when he comes back from the maneuvers. Would it be asking too much... NINOTCHKA You want this? ANNA Just for the honeymoon. NINOTCHKA You can have it for good. It is my wedding present. Anna is for a moment speechless over this generous gift. She embraces and kisses Ninotchka. ANNA Ninotchka! Ninotchka! She kisses her again, takes her cello, and starts to leave. ANNA Am I going to play that cadenza tonight! Anna exits, closing the door. Ninotchka is left alone. Her thoughts are still in the other world, obviously with Leon. Mechanically she looks over the table to see if everything is all right, then she walks over to the radio (a primitive little machine). As she turns the knob she smiles again reminiscently. As she does, the blare of a Russian speech brings her back to reality. VOICE ON RADIO Individuals? Yes, as atoms in the cosmos of Soviet Russia. Family? Yes. One great family of one hundred and sixty million, struggling, fighting, victorious Russian proletarians. Thus shall we pursue our way into the future, fists clenched, hearts encased in steel armed against bourgeois sentimentality and... Quickly she turns the knob and again there is a burst of Russian oratory. SECOND VOICE ON RADIO ...From the Exploiters for the Toilers. We are going full steam ahead through industrialization toward socialism. Let us put the Union of Socialistic Soviet Republics into an automobile and the muzhik into a tractor, and then let the capitalists try to keep up with us! The same thing happens for a third time. THIRD VOICE ON RADIO ...and thirty million peasants, eighty-five per cent of the population owned three hundred forty-three million four hundred and sixty-nine thousand acres of land, sixty-five per cent of the total area. And one hundred and fifty thousand nobles possessed thirty-five per cent of the country's natural wealth! Ninotchka turns off the radio. She closes her eyes for a moment and with a sad smile murmurs to herself. NINOTCHKA No music. At this moment the door opens, and Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski enter. There follow warm greetings between Ninotchka and the Three Russians. ALL THREE RUSSIANS Ninotchka! Ninotchka! A moment of silence follows. The four look at each other as people do who share a secret. NINOTCHKA (with great warmth) How are you, you three scoundrels? KOPALSKI (wryly) Well, we're back home. BULJANOFF (sourly) You know what they say -- there's nothing like home. IRANOFF That's right... and we might as well face it. NINOTCHKA (trying not to say what she feels) Come, now, you must not talk that way.... You have to adjust yourselves.... We must be brave. IRANOFF Brave... that's right. BULJANOFF Let's be happy that we're all alive. IRANOFF And that's something we owe to Ninotchka. KOPALSKI If you hadn't given Commissar Razinin such a wonderful report about us, who knows what would have happened? BULJANOFF I can tell you exactly. NINOTCHKA Now let's forget everything except that we're together. BULJANOFF That's right. IRANOFF Let's do that. KOPALSKI (falling in with her attempt) It's a real Paris reunion. IRANOFF If you close your eyes and listen to our voices we might be in Paris. NINOTCHKA Let's not close our eyes. There are many good things to see here too. BULJANOFF (cynically) I think I need my glasses. KOPALSKI (reprimanding him quietly) A little more tact... look how nicely she's fixed the table -- all for us. BULJANOFF (in a loud voice, trying to make up for his faux pas) How nicely you've fixed the table, Ninotchka. IRANOFF What a lovely room you have here. BULJANOFF How many families live here with you? NINOTCHKA Only myself and two other girls. One is a cello player in the opera and the other a street-car conductor. IRANOFF (impressed) Just three people in a room this size? Whew! KOPALSKI (inspecting the room) And your own gas cooker? That's marvelous! (forgetting himself) Naturally it's not the Royal Suite... NINOTCHKA Sssh! Once and for all, we're in Moscow! KOPALSKI (walking over to the window) Yes, there's no doubt of that... (sarcastically) Just look out of the window and there it is. NINOTCHKA And it's great! Think what it was a few years ago and what it is now. Iranoff and Buljanoff have joined them at the window. IRANOFF She's right... (under his breath) anyhow let's talk ourselves into it. BULJANOFF Just see how happy the people look... from here.... KOPALSKI Can you blame them?... at least the May Day parade is over. BULJANOFF That's another thing... it's spring. NINOTCHKA The same spring we had in Paris. Just as good. KOPALSKI Even the swallows are back. BULJANOFF AND IRANOFF Yes, that's right. IRANOFF Maybe that's the same swallow we saw in Paris! BULJANOFF It is, Ninotchka! It is! He must have been in Paris! You can see it in his whole attitude! He just picked up a crumb of our black bread, shook his head, and dropped it. KOPALSKI If you asked him why he left France I bet he couldn't name one good reason. BULJANOFF I should be a swallow! Right now I would be sitting in front of the Café de Paris picking up flakes of French pastry that would melt in my bill. NINOTCHKA Now, comrades... there is something better in life than crumbs of French pastry. KOPALSKI (the realist) Yes, a good piece of apfel strudel.... NINOTCHKA We will get that... we'll get everything... maybe a little bit later but we'll get it... We must be patient... Finally we got the spring, didn't we? We got the swallows, and you will get your apfel strudel too. BULJANOFF (consolingly) And if it is too late for you your children will eat it. IRANOFF (breaking the mood) Let's forget the future... let's stop being sentimental... let's start that omelet. KOPALSKI That's right. (he takes a little box out of his pocket) Here's my egg. (he hands it to Ninotchka) Iranoff unties his egg from his handkerchief. IRANOFF And here's mine. He hands it to Ninotchka. Buljanoff reaches in his pocket and from his expression we see that a catastrophe must have happened. BULJANOFF Comrades... I'm out of the omelet. NINOTCHKA Don't worry... there will be enough. IRANOFF Come, Ninotchka, let's make it in real Parisian style! The group all go to the gas cooker and Ninotchka starts to make the omelet. The others stand around as though they were watching a great event. KOPALSKI Let's fill it with confitures, des prunes... BULJANOFF ...des raisins de Madère, des framboises... (...with grapes of Madeira, with raspberries...) IRANOFF ...des petites fraises des bois... de la crème de Bretagne... (...with small wild strawberries... with cream...) KOPALSKI ...so it blows up that big... what they call an Omelette Surprise! BULJANOFF And the surprise is there's nothing in it. KOPALSKI I know, but if we can't put in all these wonderful things at least let's put in some imagination. (he raises his voice) In that one omelet we'll taste the whole of Paris! The door through which Gurganov disappeared opens and Gurganov comes out. IRANOFF (seeing him) Sssh! The conversation stops. Gurganov walks quietly through the room, again observing everything. He goes out at last. IRANOFF A man like that... all he has to do is to walk through a room and the omelet drops. There is a dead silence. All are again aware of the reality which surrounds. They concentrate quietly on the frying pan. DISSOLVE TO: INSERT OF THE FRYING PAN The eggs are gradually taking the shape of an omelet. DISSOLVE TO: INSERT OF A PLATE ON THE TABLE Only the last scraps of the omelet are on it. Buljanoff's hand comes in with a big piece of bread with which he sops up every fragment that is left. DISSOLVE TO: MEDIUM SHOT -- NINOTCHKA'S ROOM -- EVENING The curtains are drawn and the lamp lighted. All four are sitting around the table, in the center of which is a samovar. In front of each of them is a glass of tea. One of the Russians is playing a balalaika and all are singing gaily, "Paris." Ninotchka is enjoying their companionship. After a little while the door to the corridor opens and Ninotchka's other roommate, the street-car conductor, strides in. She is a squareset, unfriendly woman in uniform. At sight of her one of the Russians nudges Ninotchka, makes the gesture of ringing up a fare, and accompanies it with an inquiring look. Ninotchka nods. The Russians change their tune quickly to the "Volga Boatman" in order not to awaken animosity. The street-car conductor goes to her bed and starts to take off her shoes and her coat, then draws the curtain. During the following scene we hear the splash of water and the sound of gargling. Again Gurganov crosses the room, this time accompanied by his little son. Suddenly the door is opened by Vladimir, a friendly old man. VLADIMIR (calling into the room) Comrade Yakushova, here, the postman left a letter for you. He hands her a letter and exits. CLOSE SHOT -- NINOTCHKA She takes the letter, glances at the envelope, and is stunned. She turns the envelope -- an expression of breathless wonder comes over her face. ALL THREE RUSSIANS What is it, Ninotchka? NINOTCHKA It's from Paris. IRANOFF AND BULJANOFF From Paris? KOPALSKI A bill? NINOTCHKA From Leon. ALL THREE RUSSIANS From Leon!... How is he?... Come, tell us... open it... tell us... how is he? Ninotchka sits in the chair nearest the lamp. All three are looking over her shoulder. Ninotchka hesitates to open the letter, obviously wanting to read it all by herself. Realizing her feelings, the Three Russians walk to the far end of the room and sit down on a little bench, looking toward Ninotchka with childlike expectancy. In great anticipation Ninotchka opens the letter. She starts to read it. Suddenly her expression changes to one of terrific disappointment. She turns the letter over, glances at the second page, then puts the letter down on the table. The Russians have followed her expression closely. Slowly they walk over to her. IRANOFF (very sympathetic) Bad news? NINOTCHKA Look for yourselves. Iranoff picks up the letter. All three look at it. Insert of First Page of Letter, held in Iranoff's hand. In Leon's handwriting we read: "Ninotchka, my darling," The rest of the writing is blocked out, line by line, and across the page is a big stamp which says "Censored." Iranoff's hand turns the page. The second page is also censored except for the final words, "Yours, Leon." SHOT OF THE WHOLE GROUP Iranoff puts the letter back on the table. They all understand and realize that Ninotchka wants to be alone. KOPALSKI Well, I think it's getting late. Good night, Ninotchka. IRANOFF Thank you for a wonderful dinner. Ninotchka rises and shakes their hands. NINOTCHKA (with great warmth) Good night, my friends. The three start to leave but Buljanoff returns and whispers to Ninotchka. BULJANOFF They can't censor our memories, can they? Ninotchka presses his hand. He walks quietly out with the others. Ninotchka, left alone, sits down. She is heartbroken. Her thoughts are too sad and too far away to be disturbed by the snoring which comes from the corner where the street-car conductor has gone to bed. FADE OUT: CLOSE SHOT -- THE WINDOW OF RAZININ'S OFFICE FADE IN: shooting from the inside. Through the window the background of Moscow. It is winter and snow is on the roofs. The CAMERA PULLS BACK and discloses Razinin sitting at his desk, reading a report with a stern expression. MEDIUM SHOT -- RAZININ'S OFFICE Ninotchka enters carrying several folders. She walks to Razinin's desk and stands waiting for him to recognize her presence. She is a tired, stern girl. Razinin looks up. RAZININ Good morning, Comrade. NINOTCHKA (very businesslike) Good morning, Comrade Commissar. Here is my report on the materials available for trading in the next four months. RAZININ Does this include the products of the Far Eastern provinces? NINOTCHKA Yes, it does. RAZININ You mean you have finished the whole investigation? NINOTCHKA Yes. RAZININ That's marvelous.... You must have worked day and night.... Don't you ever sleep? NINOTCHKA I need very little sleep. We must be extremely careful what goods we take in exchange. I have already started a survey of our most urgent needs. RAZININ Well, Comrade, I am afraid you will have to turn over that work to someone else. NINOTCHKA (startled) May I ask why? RAZININ Please... sit down. Ninotchka sits. RAZININ Cigarette? NINOTCHKA Thank you. RAZININ Well, Comrade, have you heard from your friends Kopalski, Buljanoff, and Iranoff? NINOTCHKA No. RAZININ I haven't either, but I've heard about them. You must realize it was only on the strength of your Paris report that I sent them to Constantinople; without that I never would have trusted them on a mission as important as the fur deal. NINOTCHKA May I ask what has happened? RAZININ As soon as our representatives go to a foreign country they seem to lose all sense of balance. If I told you what's going on in Constantinople right now you wouldn't believe it. Those three have been sitting there for six weeks and haven't sold a piece of fur. (he points to the folder) This anonymous report was sent me. They are dragging the good name of our country through every café and night club. Here... (he reads from the report) "How can the Bolshevik cause gain respect among the Moslems if your three representatives, Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski, get so drunk that they throw a carpet out of their hotel window and complain to the management that it didn't fly?" Ninotchka has to suppress a smile of amusement at the antics of her three old friends. NINOTCHKA Oh, they shouldn't do such things. Are you sure this report is correct? RAZININ It gives details which couldn't be invented. Naturally I want to verify it and that's why I need you. NINOTCHKA (apprehensively) You want me to go to Constantinople? RAZININ Yes... leaving immediately. NINOTCHKA (her one object to escape the mission) I appreciate the confidence you show in me, but I must ask you to entrust someone else with this mission. I should hate to interrupt my present work. I am positive that my survey is more important than finding out whether three of our comrades have been drinking some extra glasses of champagne. RAZININ (austerely) That is for me to decide, Comrade Yakushova. NINOTCHKA I am sorry, I don't want to overstep my position -- but please... don't send me. RAZININ I don't understand. NINOTCHKA (making a last effort) How can I make myself clear... It is difficult to express but I'd rather not go to foreign countries any more. Please, Comrade... let me stay here... let me finish my work... I am in the rhythm of it now... I don't want to go away. I don't want to be sent into that foreign atmosphere again. It throws one out of gear.... Let me finish my work... I have concentrated everything in it... Please... don't make me go. RAZININ Please don't waste my time, Comrade. Do your duty. Good-by. NINOTCHKA I will do my best. She exits, as we DISSOLVE TO: ESTABLISHING SHOT OF CONSTANTINOPLE, on a bright sunlit day, if possible with the circling shadow of an airplane. DISSOLVE TO: LONG SHOT -- AIRPORT IN CONSTANTINOPLE, shooting from an airplane angle. A crowd is awaiting the arrival of a plane. The CAMERA goes down to a CLOSE SHOT of Buljanoff, Iranoff, and Kopalski, standing in the crowd. All three are very elegantly and gaily dressed. They are in the happiest mood. One of them carries a large bouquet of flowers to greet Ninotchka. DISSOLVE TO: LIVING ROOM OF A VERY LUXURIOUS HOTEL SUITE IN CONSTANTINOPLE. Its style should suggest the locale. Ninotchka enters with the Three Russians, who are very happy to have her with them again. KOPALSKI (indicating the room) How do you like it, Ninotchka? Isn't it wonderful? IRANOFF AND BULJANOFF Tell us... tell us. Ninotchka protests, but during the whole scene it is evident that behind her protestations there is none of the force and conviction she displayed in a similar situation in the Royal Suite. NINOTCHKA But Buljanoff, Iranoff, Kopalski... IRANOFF Now, please, Ninotchka, don't start figuring it out in cows. NINOTCHKA You've done it again and I am responsible. How can you forget yourselves this way? You were sent here to make money, not to spend it. IRANOFF Buljanoff, she still has those old- fashioned Bolshevik ideas. BULJANOFF It is high time you got out of Russia. NINOTCHKA (not knowing what to do with the three rascals) I must be stern with you. KOPALSKI (delighted) That's our old Ninotchka! BULJANOFF AND IRANOFF (agreeing with him) Yes, yes. NINOTCHKA Don't forget, the day will come when you will have to face Razinin. BULJANOFF (cockily) Good old Razinin! Is he still alive? How does he manage? NINOTCHKA But, Comrades... KOPALSKI (with the happiness of being free again in his voice) We are not comrades any more... we are friends, Ninotchka. BULJANOFF Imagine, we don't have to whisper any longer. IRANOFF We can say whatever we want. We can shout... we can complain... Look... (he opens the door leading to corridor) The service in this hotel is terrible! (he closes the door) See? Nobody comes... nobody pays any attention. That's freedom. BULJANOFF (dryly) No, that's bad management. NINOTCHKA Is it possible to bring you back to reality for a moment? I must have a complete report of your negotiations and a detailed expense account. BULJANOFF Don't ask for it, Ninotchka. There is a Turkish proverb which says, "If something smells bad, why put your nose in it?" NINOTCHKA And there is a Russian saying: "The cat who has cream on his whiskers had better find good excuses." BULJANOFF With our cream situation what it is, it is Russia which should apologize to the cats. NINOTCHKA (helplessly) Friends... friends, Buljanoff, Iranoff... KOPALSKI (afraid of being left out) ...and Kopalski. NINOTCHKA (pleadingly) Don't make it difficult for me. This is no more a pleasure trip for me than it is for you. IRANOFF That was our idea when we first came. All we thought we would get out of this trip was a Turkish bath, but... we learned better. KOPALSKI Ninotchka, we are in the magic East, the country of Aladdin and His Lamp... IRANOFF ...Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves... into one single hour you can crowd a thousand and one nights. BULJANOFF All you have to do is say "open sesame." NINOTCHKA I don't know how I can get you out of it this time. How will it end? What will happen to you? BULJANOFF (intimately) Shall we tell her? IRANOFF AND KOPALSKI Yes. BULJANOFF (proudly) Ninotchka, I hope you'll be our guest. NINOTCHKA Guest? BULJANOFF We have opened a restaurant... IRANOFF ...we have a wonderful electric sign: "Dine With Buljanof, Iranoff, and Kopalski." NINOTCHKA You mean you are deserting Russia? KOPALSKI (singing the song of freedom) Don't call it desertion. Our little restaurant... that is our Russia... the Russia of borscht, the Russia of beef Stroganoff, blinis with sour cream... IRANOFF ...the Russia of piroshki... people will eat and love it. BULJANOFF We are not only serving good food, we are serving our country... we are making friends. NINOTCHKA (completely bewildered) Who gave you this idea? What is responsible for all this? KOPALSKI (with a gleam in his eye) There's something in Constantinople... something irresistible.... IRANOFF ...it is in the air... it may come around the corner as you walk down the street.... BULJANOFF ...it may step out of a bazaar... it may wait for you in a corridor... it may hide in the shadow of a minaret.... KOPALSKI (pointing to the balcony) Right now it's on the balcony. Ninotchka looks toward the balcony and is dumbfounded as she sees Leon standing there smiling at her. He walks quietly toward her. LEON (looking longingly at Ninotchka) They wouldn't let me in so I had to get you out. NINOTCHKA (still taken aback) So -- you're behind all this. I should have known. Leon takes her hand and kisses it. The Three Russians exchange glances. The CAMERA PANS WITH THEM --leaving Ninotchka and Leon as Russians walk discreetly out of the room and close the door behind them. CLOSE SHOT -- LEON AND NINOTCHKA LEON Trying to keep me away from you! It couldn't be done. Naturally I couldn't go on forever punching passport officials in the nose -- but I found a way, didn't I? Darling, I had to see you. I wrote and wrote but all my letters came back. NINOTCHKA The one I got they wouldn't let me read. (carried away by emotion) It began, "Ninotchka, my darling," and ended, "Yours, Leon." LEON (with great feeling and sincerity) I won't tell you what came between... I'll prove it. It will take a long time, Ninotchka... at least a lifetime. Ninotchka is aware that she is facing a decision. She knows what she wants but still tries to evade a definite answer. NINOTCHKA But, Leon, I am only here for a few days. LEON If you don't stay with me, I'll have to continue my fight. I'll travel wherever Russian commissions are. I'll turn them all into Buljanoffs, Iranoffs, and Kopalskis. The world will be crowded with Russian restaurants. I'll depopulate Russia. Once you saved your country by going back. This time you can save it by staying here. NINOTCHKA Well, when it is a choice between my personal interest and the good of my country, how can I waver? No one shall say Ninotchka was a bad Russian. Leon takes her in his arms, they kiss as we FADE OUT: THE END